


Be My Baby

by buckysawsteve



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Supernatural and J2 Big Bang Challenge 2014, j2 bigbang 2014
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-14
Updated: 2014-08-14
Packaged: 2018-02-13 04:55:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 61,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2137743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckysawsteve/pseuds/buckysawsteve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some would call Jensen’s move from New York to Texas a midlife crisis, you know, if he wasn’t 25. Jensen however, will tell you it was out of necessity. He needs quiet, no distractions and being thousands of miles away would definitely provide all of that.  And it would have, if Jared Padalecki, the boy across the street wouldn’t have been cutting his lawn in all his golden glory. With a deadline to meet, Jensen’s determined not to let Jared become a distraction. Turns out though, Jensen doesn’t always get what he wants and considering his history, it shouldn’t surprise him. </p><p>Jared weasels his way into Jensen’s life, Jared with his shaggy hair and bubbly personality until it Jensen can’t remember what his life had been like without him. But behind Jared’s sunshine smile there’s a sadness there, one that comes with loss. A sadness that Jensen knows all too well because he sees it in himself. They take comfort in each other and for a while, all that stuff fades away. Doesn’t seem to matter anymore, until it does. Insecurities so deep they blow up, literally, in the form of jealousy and Jensen finds himself questioning if he deserves Jared at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And the Sky Isn't Blue

**Author's Note:**

> Naturally, I have to start off with a big thank you to my lovely best friend Brittany, who not only inspired but helped me work this idea out. She nourished it with me, and kicked my ass when it was definitely needed! This fic is a long time in the making, that's for sure. Without her, this fic would probably have never been finished. 
> 
> Secondly, a big round of applause to my betas! They are seriously kick ass and I have no idea where I would be without them! When I remember their tumblrs - I am blanking at the moment, I will supply them! Ugh, I am horrible and I am totally blaming it on my long work day! 
> 
> And I really can't thank my amazing artist! The artwork is amazing and I really couldn't be more happy with it! (Livejournal and Tumblr account to follow). 
> 
> Okay and last but not least: I know there are some unanswered questions where Jensen is considered but bear with me, they will be answered in a companion piece solo based on Jensen's backstory! And then there will most definitely be a sequel. Not sure when it will be completed but there will be one! :D Brittany and I have fleshed out several ideas! 
> 
> Feedback is love, guys.
> 
> Any and all remaining mistakes are clearly my own!
> 
> Edit: Also, the italics for some reason don't go through when copying and pasting from Google Drive - I'll fix that eventually!
> 
> *Edit*: This was originally going to be a part of a series but I have currently fallen out of love with the idea. Right now, I am not sure if I will pick this back up again. We'll see.

 

  **Artist:[padacocking](padacocking.livejournal.com)**

 

 

Freedom.

It’s the first word that pops into Jared’s head when the bell at the end of the day signals the official start of summer. Yet it’s more than that really, because for the seniors of Brackenridge High, it also signifies the final day of their high school career. They won’t be roaming these halls next year, or causing shit out on the football field or getting detention from Beaver. Come September they’ll all be heading their separate ways.

Well, everyone except Jared who had decided, probably against his better judgement, to stick close to home. He tells everyone it’s because he can’t exactly afford to go any further, but his friends know it’s a bullshit excuse, even if they don’t call him out on it. They know about the full ride he was offered to Stanford, after all.

But California is too far and truth be told, Jared’s not ready. Not yet. He’s not sure if that makes him a baby, or a mama’s boy. He figures that maybe it’s the latter. Either way, he often finds himself wondering if it’s the fear of the unknown that keeps him from branching out, or the fear of what would happen to his mama if he moved away. They’ve been all the other has for a while now, have been through more than their fair share of crap, so it’s natural that Jared would be a little hesitant to leave her, right?

He shakes his head as he clears out his locker, throws binders into the nearest garbage can and shoves books he has long since forgotten about into his bag.

“We’re free!” Chad says triumphantly as he slides in next to Jared, back pressed against the surrounding lockers. He’s got an apple in his hand and a grin so wide that Jared wonders how it isn’t splitting his face in two.

Jared rolls his eyes, chuckling. “Not quite,” he tells his friend, “we still have graduation next week.”

Chad’s grin instantly fades. “Why did you have to do that, bro?” he asks, clearly upset by Jared pointing out that sordid fact, “I think I might just skip it.” He takes a bite of his apple, makes a show of chewing obnoxiously as he considers his options, “yeah, I think that sounds like a great fucking idea. They can just mail me my diploma.”

“Like Jake’s going to let you,” Jared points out as he closes his locker, clicks the lock into place for the last time. He turns, leans back against the cool metal and catches Chad’s scowl from the corner of his eye.

“Whatever,” Chad mutters as he tosses the core of apple into the garbage, “it’s not like Jake’s my boyfriend. I can do what I want.”

“Of course,” Jared says, letting the words roll from his tongue slowly with just a touch of sarcasm, “and the sky isn’t blue.”

Though neither of them will admit it, Chad and Jake are all but inseparable. Some would even go as far as to describe them as attached to the hip. They’re touchy, like, really touchy and Jared’s caught them making out more times than he can count and although they’re clearly more than just friends, they’re apparently not. At least that’s what Chad says, Jake just shrugs whenever it’s brought up and pointedly looks anywhere but at Chad.

It’s ridiculous as far as Jared’s concerned, mostly because it’s not like whatever it is that they’re doing is a big secret. Everyone in their circle of friends and half he school is aware of their secret non-relationship. But if there is one thing Jared understands perfectly, it’s that coming out, especially in Texas, isn’t exactly easy. He figures he’ll leave it to them to figure things out for themselves, and if necessary he’ll give them a push in the right direction.

“Let’s get the hell out of here,” he says, shoving Chad playfully before pushing off the locker.

“Finally,” Chad cheers, the grin he usually wears firmly back in place.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Jared and his friends have a tradition at the end of every school year.  It’s simple, something so basic but it’s also something they never waiver from. Not even when Chad and Sandy could barely exchange more than two words to each other after Chad called her a slut. It had been one of the more awkward points, one that though they tried not to let it, affected them all. It worked itself out, eventually. Obviously.

Anyways, it started in grade nine as a way to blow off some steam, relax a little and talk shit about everyone and everything. Before any of them were even aware of it, it was something they were doing every year. In the beginning they’d take their bikes, school bags packed with snacks and head out to the clearing.  It had been overgrown with brush, thorny leaves but trekking through it had been worth it when they finally stumbled upon the secluded beach. And then, when Jared got his license and bought his first truck (thanks to a little help from his mom), they all piled into his pick-up and drove out with coolers stashed into the back and his friends bumping around in the bed of the truck.

It’s something they look forward to and even though they come here during the summer, none of them set their feet into the miles of sand until the last day of school.

This year is different however, and although the atmosphere around them isn’t exactly light, it isn’t uncomfortable either. It’s just knowing.  Jared slips his hands into his pockets and listens with half an ear as Chad and Jake bitch about always being the ones having to carry the cooler, and why can’t Sandy do it? Sandy, being in ear shot of them, makes a snarky retort that results in bickering the rest of the way and Jake eyeing them wearily.

Jared supposes it’s better than total silence. Maybe.

They’re just approaching the clearing, where thick brush turns into nothing but sand and stray logs when everyone grows quiet. They slow to a stop, take everything in.

It’s a little alarming at first, standing on the edge of everything and knowing that with just a single step things are going to change. Who knows if they’ll do this again next year? None of them know what the future is going to bring and it’s a lot more terrifying than any of them are willing to admit.

Katie’s the first to break the silence as she takes that final step and kicks off her sandals, lets out a small sigh as she digs her toes into the sand. “You guys gonna stand there all day or what?” she asks and just like that, the air around them lightens.

Jared grins as he kicks off his own flip-flops and crosses that imaginary line. It’s not long before the others are following suit.  Towels are laid out, drinks are passed around and they fall into such a familiar routine that it’s not long before they all forgot about future worries and just simply are.

The weather is warm, the breeze light and Jared knows it can’t get much better than this.

He lets his gaze wander as he commits this place, commits these people to memory. He wants to remember everyone just like this. Genevieve with her head thrown back as she laughs at something Sandy said, Katie with a guitar in her lap and Chad and Jake who are totally cuddling but are trying to make it look like they are doing anything but.  He wants to keep this image forever, which is when he reaches for his bag to pull out his camera, suddenly thankful that he carries it around everywhere.

He puts all his friends in the viewfinder before calling out, “Say cheese.”

And they do, giving him their best grins.

“You need to be in the picture too,” Sandy complains, her eyes lighting up when Jared pulls out his tripod. He sets it up quickly and effortlessly, before setting his camera to a timer.

“Happy?” he asks as he takes a seat beside Katie, pulls her in close before grinning at the camera.  

“Always prepared,” Chad chuckles as he leans into Jake just to make sure he won’t be cut out of the picture.

“You know it,” Jared tells him.

After he packs up his tripod, Jared slings his camera over his shoulders and takes at least a dozen more photos. Some individuals, some with himself in it, as he holds the camera out awkwardly. It’s only when Chad begins to bitch about Jared’s picture taking that he packs up his camera and snags Katie’s guitar. She doesn’t so much protest as punch Jared in the arm but forgives him the moment he starts playing as her face turns from an angry scowl to fighting to bubble back laughter.

And it’s not much longer before they’re all howling. Well everyone except for Chad who is glaring at him with murder in his eyes. It doesn’t last long, not when Jake bumps him in the shoulder and gives Chad that look that makes everyone roll their eyes because honestly, if those two idiots aren’t in love then they clearly don’t know what love is.

“You’re so dead,” Chad grumbles.

“C’mon Chad,” Genevieve tells him, “we want an encore performance.”

“That was a onetime thing,” Chad explains. “One drunken time that I thought was behind me.”

“Never,” Katie chuckles as she pulls Chad to his feet and wraps an arm around his waist.

“What are you doing?” Chad demands as they begin to sway to the song Jared’s playing.  He’s so not liking where this is going and he’s so not kidding about Jared being dead either. Really, he can’t wait to get his hands on the asshole.  But with his friends looking at him expectantly and Jake sneaking shy glances at him, Chad finds himself rolling his eyes and opening his mouth.

And singing a very off key, horrible rendition of American Pie.

“A long, long time ago…..”

As Jared watches his friends, his fingers finding the next notes easily, he can’t help but surrendering to the nostalgia that’s been plaguing him all night. There are a thousand different memories here, all of them important to him and the possibility that they might not make any more here after this summer is more than a little unsettling.

He had his first kiss here. He had been drunk off his ass for the first time and Chad was telling him some story about how Sophia wasn’t wearing any underwear at school today animatedly when he had leaned over and kissed the fool.

To this day Jared’s not sure why he did it, barely remembers it, really, but it had happened. The awkward tension between the two of them the next day had made sure he knew that.

Katie and Genevieve fell in love here. So many little insignificant things happened here, it was kind of overwhelming, especially now, as he watches his friends belt out American Pie and dance together.

Eventually the song finishes and Jared hands the guitar back to Katie.

“You okay?” she asks as she sits down beside him.

Jared sighs as he digs his toes into the sand, fidgets a little. He wasn’t going to say anything, didn’t want to ruin the mood, but he’s never not be able to tell Katie anything. Which is exactly why he finds himself telling her exactly what’s on his mind.

“There are just so many memories here,” he murmurs softly. “And I’m worried after this summer we might not make any more of them.”

“We will,” Katie tells him firmly. She sounds so sure that Jared finds himself relaxing immediately. “We’re friends, Jared, best friends, and that counts for something. We’ll make more memories here, I promise you that.”

“Yeah,” he says after a while because Katie has a point. It’s not going to be easy, he knows this, but he also knows that their friendship is the strongest thing out there. They’ve been through a lot, all of them and damn if any of them is going to let a little distance ruin that. “We’re going to be fine.”

Katie grins. “That’s my boy,” and then she’s off, plopping herself behind Genevieve and pulling her close.

As the sun begins to lower, Jared knows without a shadow of a doubt that he’s stuck with these assholes for life. And that couldn’t make him happier.

 

~ ~ ~

 

 

He’s not nervous, really he isn’t.

Okay, so maybe he is, but given the fact that he’s kinda, maybe a bit of klutz and he has to walk across a stage in front of hundreds of people without falling on his face? Yeah, that’s something to be nervous about. And well, maybe it’s more than just that. After graduation, everything is official. He’s a grown up now, literally, and he feels like anything but.

He wipes clammy hands on his slacks, rolls his eyes when he can all but hear his momma’s voice telling him not to do that, he’ll stain them. She’s back in the kitchen though, so she has very little chance of catching him in the act.

He pushes open the screen door, lets it slam behind him as he leans against the railing of the front porch. They’re wood and the paint is peeling in places, just another thing he’s going to have to fix up this summer. He sighs, tries to ignore the way he’s already beginning to sweat in a way that has nothing to do with the heat.

Thankfully his phone distracts him.

“Chad,” he answers. “Please tell me you’re bailing on graduation and dragging me with you?”

Chad’s laughter on the other end causes Jared to relax some. “Now you’re on board with the idea,” he says. “But unfortunately no, that’s not why I’m calling.”

“Are you going to tell me or am I going to have to drag it out of you?” Jared asks with amusement. Chad has a way of beating around the bush, that or he’s honestly just distracted by something. Chad’s kind of easy like that.

When he hears a soft chuckle on the other end of the phone, Jared can’t help but groan. “Please fucking tell me you aren’t having sex right now.”

“Am not,” Chad says gruffly and that alone tells Jared he’s lying.

“Fuck sakes, Chad,” he mutters as he runs a hand down his face. “Just tell me what you want, so I can forget this phone call ever happened?”

“Fine,” Chad mumbles and then there’s more hushed words and Jared can’t help but roll his eyes as he falls down into one of the chairs.  “There’s an after party at Matt’s tonight.”

“Okay, and?” Jared prompts.

“And we’re going, all of us. Consider it a last hoorah!”

“I thought we hated Matt?” Jared asks, genuinely confused. Matt Cohen, the infamous football star, who had hit on Jake so much that Chad was forced to step in, on his friend’s behalf, because Jake is so incapable of taking care of himself.

“We do,” Chad informs him, “but there will be a keg so we’re going.”

“Fine,” he says before adding, “Can I hang up now? I can hear the noises Jake’s making and I would like to not be scarred for life.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Chad denies.

“Goodbye Chad,” Jared chuckles as he hits end. His friends are insufferable sometimes.

Propping his feet up on the railing, Jared waits for his nerves to resurface, but when they don’t come, he knows he’s going to have to thank Chad for calling him. Though not necessarily the best timing on Chad’s part, he knows his best friend was looking out for him. Chad has a funny way of knowing when Jared’s freaking out.

Sandy told him on more than one occasion that they’re all but perfect for each other, or they would be if Chad wasn’t so hung up on Jake, that is. As it is, there isn’t that kind of feeling between them.  The drunken kiss they had shared years ago was proof of that. It had been nothing more than an awkward, sloppy tangle of tongues that hadn’t even gotten either of them hard. If anything, the kiss had only validated something he already knew, as for Chad it had only served to confuse him. At least for a little while.

Things were tense at first but they quickly fell back into old patterns and the drunken kiss was forgotten. And then Chad met Jake Abel. Jake who’s extremely hot, kind of nerdy and shy and Chad kind of fell head over heels for the guy, even if he won’t admit it. They’re good for each other though and eventually they’ll pull their heads out of their asses and be proud of who they are.

Though Jared won’t admit it, not even to Katie, he’s kind of jealous of them. He’s never had that, at least not that kind of connection. He’s dated here and there, but nothing really stuck. The last relationship he had had been a disaster on his part, because though Tom Welling was drop dead gorgeous, Jared just hadn’t been into it and instead of admitting it, he had strung Tom along until the poor guy had fallen, hard. To say that their break up had been horrible would be an understatement. He can still remember the way Sandy had chewed him out for it.  

He suspects she may have had a little crush on the guy, so really her anger was biased.  That, or he really was an asshole of epic portions. He figures it’s probably both. It’s not like he did it on purpose, though, and if he wanted someone to blame for his out of character behaviour, he’d pin it all on Chad and Jake and their non-relationship gay love.

Jared’s so wrapped up in his own thoughts he almost misses the moving truck pulling into the driveway next door. Until a perfectly sculpted pair of bowlegs capture his attention.

He leans forward, watches as the guy rounds to the back of the van and opens the back door. He watches as muscles tense and stretch the material of the guys gray v-neck t-shirt. He’s hot, like off the charts, in a league of his own kind of hot and Jared can’t stop fucking staring. It’s creepy, sure, but come on, look at the guy.

When the guy grabs a couple of boxes from the back, Jared contemplates jogging over to ask if he needs help and by some insane notion he finds himself getting up to do just that. Well until the screen door slams behind him and his momma informs him if they don’t hurry they’re going to be late.

So with a final glance at his new neighbor, Jared follows her down to the car.

 

 

~ ~ ~

 

He doesn’t fall, nor does he trip over his own tongue as he delivers his speech (because of all the things he should have been nervous about, this apparently wasn’t it), but the relief he feels when it’s all over his immense.

By the time he makes his way off the stage with his friends, his mind is promptly back to the hot new guy moving in across the street. It’s stupid, really, seeing as he doesn’t even know the guy. Hell, he barely even got a good look at the guy’s face, just skin, muscles and bowlegs and really, that had been enough to distract him from whatever story Chad launched into the moment they were free to go.

Jared thinks Chad might have mentioned his surprise that Jared didn’t trip over his own two feet. He can’t say for sure, he’s not really paying attention.

“Hey,” Sandy says, elbowing him, “where’d you go?”

“Nowhere,” Jared replies with a shake of his head and slings an arm around her shoulders.  “Actually I got a hot new neighbor.”

“Oh?” Sandy asks, brightening. “What’s his name? When did he move in?”

“Not sure what his name is yet,” Jared chuckles, “but I plan on finding out. As for the moving in part, today, I guess. I didn’t exactly have time to introduce myself, seeing as I was forced against my will to be here.”

“Oh yes you were totally coerced,” Katie teases as she joins in on their conversation. “What’s this about a new neighbor?”

“Jared says he’s hot,” Sandy proclaims. “I think we should go over there and ogle him before we head over to Matt’s.”

Katie wrinkles her nose in distaste. “Well as fun as that doesn’t sound,” she says, “we still have to change. I don’t know about you, but if some drunk asshole spills anything on this dress, I’ll kill them and I really don’t want to spend the rest of my life in prison.”

And of course that’s when Chad decides to contribute to the conversation.

“Why not?” Chad demands, eyes wide. “Isn’t an all-women’s prison your thing? I’m sure you’d make someone your bitch in no time.”

“Oh shut up, Chad,” Genevieve butts in, wrapping a possessive arm around Katie’s waist. “Just because you wouldn’t know your way around a vagina, doesn’t mean you have to take it out on my girlfriend.”

When Chad’s mouth falls open, Jared figures it’s about a good a time as any to get the hell out of here. “So,” he says, swinging his arms around anxiously, “what do you say we get the hell out of here and go get drunk?”

“Sounds like a good idea to me,” Katie and Genevieve say in unison.

“Thank God,” Jared grumbles as he tugs Chad in the direction of the door. “Just gotta go say bye to my mom before we head out.”

“Yeah fine,” Chad mutters and Jared doesn’t have to glance at him to know that he’s pouting. “Just gotta text Jake and let him now we’re leaving.”

Jared smirks at that.

Oh yeah, they’re so not together.

 

~ ~ ~

 

 

Matt’s party had been a horrible idea. Not only did said host hit on Chad’s non-boyfriend, Chad decided to take matters into his own hands, literally, and knocked Matt out cold. The end result; Chad being dragged out by bunch of the guys from the football team. It could have been worse, Jared’s sure of that, but that doesn’t make him any less pissed.

And by the way the rest of their friends are glaring at Chad, Jared knows they’re all feeling the same.

They’d all been having a good time.

“What the hell Chad?” Sandy demands as they head down the street, the music for Matt’s slowly fading into the distance. “Couldn’t just keep your hands to yourself could you?”

Chad just shrugs, unable to meet anyone’s eyes. He shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans and just keeps walking. He doesn’t need this shit. Matt’s an asshole, anyways. And like fuck if he’s going to let his friends make him feel bad for punching the guy. If they’d wanted to stay at the party, they could have. Just because he got kicked out, didn’t mean they had to come with him.

Jake didn’t.

Jared sighs as he takes in his friend’s defeated shoulders. It’s not very often he sees Chad like this, vulnerable, sad. He steps away from his friends, arm pulling Chad close as he steers them away from the group.

“Why didn’t he come with us?” Chad asks when they’re out of ear-shot.

Jared deliberates on how he should answer Chad, whether or not he should tell his best friend what he wants to hear, or tell him the truth. He decides on the truth because Chad deserves that much at least. “Probably because you were bit of a jerk,” he admits, feels Chad tense underneath him.

And though Jared’s words hurt, Chad knows he’s right. “Fuck,” he sighs, runs a hand down his face. “I just couldn’t deal with it anymore, Jay.”

“I know,” Jared mumbles, figures what the hell and continues, “Maybe if you and Jake stopped hiding your relationship, stuff like this wouldn’t happen. Matt doesn’t know Jake’s taken, there’s no real claim on him.”

“We’re not together,” Chad grumbles before pulling away from Jared.

“Chad,” Jared starts but Chad brushes him off and continues down the street ahead of him. He doesn’t even bother catching up with him.

Instead Jared turns to his friends and with a shrug of his shoulders tells them he’s going home. He doesn’t tell them he’s just about had enough of this shit. He doesn’t need to.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Just because one graduates high school, doesn’t mean one gets a free pass on chores, especially when said high school graduate is still living under his momma’s roof. Or at least that’s the speech she gave Jared when he had been about to protest about the list she had left for him. Unfortunately, being the man of the house had its downsides, that and the fact that he kinda has a soft spot for his momma, so his protests had been more for show than anything.

Either way Chad was going to be pissed he couldn’t hang out this morning. At least, that’s if Chad’s still talking to him. He sighs as he checks his phone. No missed calls or messages and really he shouldn’t be surprised, but he is. Usually after a fight, Chad’s the first one calling him to apologize for being a jerk.

Setting his phone down he decides to give Chad a couple hours before caving in. He doesn’t have anything to apologize for, not really, but it beats his best friend ignoring him.

With that in mind he picks up the list of chores and decides he might as well get them over and done with. If he’s lucky he’ll still have the afternoon to himself. He can hunt up Chad then, if necessary.

 

~ ~ ~

 

To say that Jensen got his first big break at a young age, would be a fact. To say that it was everything he imagined it would be, would also be a fact. But if you were to ask him if he was happy, that’s where things begin to get a little hazy. Because is he happy? Maybe, yeah. But if you were to put him on the spot, he’d give you an honest to God no; because even though he’s exactly where he wants to be in life, there’s something missing. Unfortunately he’s having a little bit of difficulty deciding what’s exactly missing.

A family? No, he doesn’t think so. He had made peace with that part of his life a long time ago, even if his close friends don’t believe him. Even if he doesn’t believe it himself.

And sure, maybe there’s a lot of reasons that could factor in to him buying a house on a whim and moving halfway across the country. He’d name a few but this list is rather long.

Plus as far as he’s concerned, it’s not that big of a deal, really, people do it all the time. Well, people who are usually having some kind of midlife crisis or are on the run. And Jensen definitely isn’t either of those things, even if his brother and closest friends would beg to differ.

He just needed a change and a lot of alone time if he was ever going to finish his next book. Out here, away from everyone, he will find the peace and quiet he longed for. Or at least he sure as hell hopes he will.

He has a lot depending on this move, his third book, and the hopes of being on the bestseller list yet again. Yeah, he definitely needs this to go smoothly.

Now if only his house would unpack itself that would be great.

He rubs a hand over his jaw, frowning at the beard that he really had no intention of growing. It just happened, somewhere between his last meeting with his editor, buying a house, packing up all his shit and moving out here. To say that in between all of that, he had no time to shave would be an understatement. He barely had time to take a piss.

But he’s here now, surrounded by what seems like a thousand boxes and his laptop open to a blank document.  The same blank document he’s been staring at for the last hour.

He knows his characters, their quirks, what makes them tick. He knows what he wants to do with them, knows the plot as well as he knows he’s twenty-five, his name is Jensen Ackles, and he’s tired as fuck. Yet no matter how many times he puts his fingers to the keyboard, nothing comes. Not a damn fucking work and its infuriating.

He’s got a deadline to meet, he really doesn’t have time for this.

He stares at the blank page for another minute before admitting defeat and deciding that maybe the distraction of unpacking will help things get flowing.  He’s stuck, but he won’t be for long. Mundane tasks such as the one before him always helps gets the creative juices flowing.

Leaving what will hopefully be his office once he has everything et up, he pads his way into the living room, the hardwood floor smooth underneath his bare feet. He grabs one of the nearby boxes that reads Useless Junk and rummages through it. It doesn’t take him long to realize that the box is definitely properly labelled before he adds it alongside the other useless junk he’s going to throw out. It holds no emotional value, just stuff he decided to hang onto without really meaning to. Paperwork, trinkets, stuff like that. He’s got no real use for it, so why keep it?

It’s only when he’s reaching for another box that something catches his attention from outside the bay windows.  Intrigued he takes a step forward, hands making their way into the pockets of his jeans as he takes in the sight before him. Or rather the boy before him. And though it’s apparent that the boy is younger than he is, seventeen, maybe eighteen, Jensen can’t bring himself to look away.

The boy’s all miles of honey toned skin, glistening underneath the hot summer sun. His brown hair is long, just barely grazing the bottom of his neck and he’s tall, like, really fucking tall. Jensen swallows hard, surprised to find himself with the overwhelming need to go outside and introduce himself. Which is absurd, because Jensen doesn’t do strangers, not unless he absolutely has to.  He’s quiet, kind of shy and more than content to just simply be alone.

And yet, watching this boy mow his lawn, Jensen finds himself wanting to go out of his way to be anything but alone.

Stupid, Jensen tells himself before forcing himself to turn away from the window and the golden god outside. Thankfully the sound of his cell ringing distracts him from turning back around.

Yet even as he answers the phone, hears the sound of his brother’s voice on the other end, he can’t help but picturing the way the boy had moved. The way he had been a cross between graceful and trying not to trip over his own feet. It definitely was an interesting combination.

“Jen are you even listening to me?” Josh asks, his annoyance barely hidden.

Jensen rolls his eyes. “Not really,” he answers honestly. “What were you saying?”

“Just wondering what makes a normal personal move across the damn country?”

“We’ve already talked about this Josh,” Jensen scowls as he places the cell phone between his cheek and shoulder and grabs another box, one labelled bedroom. “Plus, it’s not really like I was leaving anything behind in New York anyway, and we both know it.”

“Hey,” Josh says in mock offense. “What about me?”

“You’re about the only exception,” Jensen tells his brother. “I needed the change, okay? Now can we drop it?”

“Fine,” Josh grumbles and even over the phone Jensen can tell his brother is pursing his lips in consideration. He doesn’t want to let it drop just as much as Jensen doesn’t want to talk about it.

Talking about it would only lead Josh to the conclusion that he’s running away from their parents, from their bigoted behaviour and blatant disapproval of all of his life choices, including but not limited to his sexual orientation.

He likes dick, they couldn’t handle it, end of story. Or at least it should have been, would have been, if Josh would stop trying to bring it up. He’s okay, really, he is and if Josh is the only family he still talks to for the rest of his life, he’s okay with that too. He’s a simple guy, he doesn’t need much.

Still, his eyes still wander back to the window as Josh drones on about something Jensen is so not paying attention to. Instead he’s drinking in the way the boy’s hair clings to his face, and the way his shorts hang a little too low on his hips. Seriously, any lower and he’d be seeing ass.

Not that he would really mind, he muses before shaking his head.

“Josh, I’m fine,” he assures his brother, before taking his phone back in his hand. “Now if you don’t mind I really need to finish unpacking so I can get some writing done.”

“Don’t be a stranger, asshole,” Josh tells him before he hangs up, leaving Jensen shaking his head as he slips the phone back into his pocket.  His brother can be a real pain in the ass.

He spends the rest of the afternoon pointedly not looking out the window.

 

 


	2. Tired of Hiding

Jared’s good at ignoring most things, for example, the sunlight that’s currently shining through his bedroom window in an attempt to disturb his sleep, or when Sandy explains in detail her latest sexual exploits. And even still, the moment his phone goes off, it’s game over. Figures too, that it would be right in the middle of what he would classify as the best dream of his life.

A dream that features his hot new neighbor and nakedness.  So needless to say when he finally does fumble for his phone it’s with blurry eyes, he’s not the happiest person in the world.

“What do you want?” he barks, slowing rolling over onto his back.

“Get up,” Chad says easily, as if he hadn’t ignored Jared all day yesterday. Asshole.

“Can’t,” Jared answers as he buries himself deeper into his comforters. “Sleeping.”

“You have two minutes to get up Padalecki,” Chad warns up, “otherwise I’m dragging your fat ass out of bed.”

“Not fat,” Jared grumbles, seriously considering on hanging up on the jerk. Where the hell does Chad get off anyways? Calling Jared after he spent all fucking day dodging his calls, texts and his attempt to reconcile in person? No, screw him. He’s staying in bed.  “Now go away, Chad.”

“That’s it,” Chad huffs and Jared hears the sound of a car door opening and closing. “I’m coming inside.”

“Door’s locked asshole,” Jared reminds him. “Hanging up now.”  He hits end as Chad’s about to say something, tries not to feel too guilty about it. Chad deserves it after all, right? Because as far as Jared’s concerned, he did nothing wrong and although he loves his best friend dearly, there is only so much he can let Chad get away with.

But he should have known that Chad would find the spare key hidden underneath one of the stupid garden gnomes. Chad may be blond and occasionally dense, but he does have his moments. Fucker.

He’s just managed to wrangle himself into a sitting position when Chad comes barging into his room, stupid grin in place and board shorts hanging low on his hips. And now that Jared’s looking, really looking, those are his fucking shorts. His favourite pair that mysteriously went missing last week.

Seriously Chad is a fucker.

“I want those back,” he mutters as Chad continues to grin at him, watches it slip as it turns into confusion and then realization.

Jared shakes his head. “Seriously, I want those back.”

Chad rolls his eyes. “So what?” he asks, “You expect me to go the water park naked?”

That definitely has Jared’s interest piquing and his earlier annoyance with his best friend rapidly fading. “Waterpark?” he repeats, hopefully, because it definitely wasn’t the whole Chad being naked part that caught his attention.

He’s barely able to contain his excitement when Chad nods his head.

“Now get your ass out of bed,” Chad instructs and there is no way that Jared needs to be told twice.

He’s up and out of bed before Chad can even blink, heading towards the bathroom to his brush his teeth and straighten out his bedhead. Which can seriously only be solved by grabbing the nearest elastic and pulling it back into a small ponytail. He takes a second to splash water on his face, before heading back into his room.

Chad’s sitting crossed legged on his bed, teeth pulling at his bottom lip nervously and it hits Jared then that they haven’t really talked about the other night yet. And even though he really, really wants to clear the air, he definitely doesn’t want to be the one to bring it up.

So, he turns towards his dresser and hunts up another pair of board shorts.  Red ones, that read Canada in white lettering up one leg. He gets weird looks for wearing them, but he doesn’t care. He bought them last year while on vacation, so what? Niagara Falls had been kick ass, don’t judge him. Plus Chad’s wearing his favourite pair.

Seriously he needs to get over that.

He shucks out of his boxers, mostly because Chad’s not really paying attention and mostly because it’s not like Chad’s never seen him naked before.

He’s tying up his shorts when Chad finally decides to break the silence.

“So about the other night,” Chad starts, obviously fumbling for the words. “I was kind of an asshole.”

Jared won’t deny that. “Yeah, you kinda were,” he says and because going to sit down next to Chad feels awkward, he leans against his dresser and crosses his arms over his chest. It’s a protective stance, one that Jared knows annoys Chad but he can’t help it.

“I’m going to try,” Chad tells him quietly and fuck if that isn’t the hardest thing he’s ever had to admit. He’s Chad Michael Murray, he usually doesn’t have to try at anything. But he’s fully aware that he’s been skating around some things for a long time now and it’s time to cut that crap out. Especially if he wants to keep one of the most important people in his life.

“Care to elaborate?” Jared asks. He knows what Chad’s referring to though, he’s not dumb, but he needs to hear his friend say it because there’s no way he’ll be able to take Chad seriously if he can’t.

Chad sighs as his gaze lifts to Jared’s. “I’m going to try this whole thing with Jake,” he says, the words coming out in a rush. “No secrets, just us, out and proud.” He shrugs his shoulders like it’s not that big of a deal, despite that they both know that it is. “Tired of hiding.”

Jared can feel himself grinning as he pushes off his dresser and moves to sit down beside Chad. He reaches out, places a hand on his friend’s shoulder and squeezes encouragingly. “It’s about fucking time,” he says teasingly, waits a beat for Chad to return his grin and when he does, everything’s okay again.

“Just next time, don’t be such a dick about it,” he tells Chad. “Because I’ll punch you and since I’m bigger than you, it’ll probably hurt.”

Chad rolls his eyes, shoves Jared as he gets to his feet. “Shut up, bitch. Now grab a towel and some sun screen, because we wouldn’t want your pretty ass to burn, would we?”

“Does Jake know you think I’m pretty?” Jared asks teasing, earning another shove from Chad before he disappears down the hallway, yelling a “hurry the fuck up, princess,” as he goes.

He moves quickly, grabbing a towel from the linen closet and the sunscreen from the bathroom drawer. It’s not like he’ll need it or anything, but Chad on the other hand. Well he’s kind of white, like really white and his blond hair doesn’t exactly help with that. And really, the asshole just wants it for himself but doesn’t want to risk his manliness by asking for it. Chad’s special like that.

He tosses them into his bag, slings it over his shoulder and heads outside.

 

~ ~ ~

It’s pretty much the perfect way to spend the day. Sun, water and some of the best friends he could ask for. But what pretty much makes the day, is the way Chad is with Jake. Yeah, it’s stupid to be paying so much attention to them, riding off of the happiness that radiates off of them, but he can’t help it.

For as long as he’s known Chad, he’s never seen him like this and he hopes he never sees Chad as anything less than he is right now. Which is happy, carefree and no holding back.

Which is exactly why, when Chad takes Jake’s hand in his own and leads them through the crowded water park to a part of grass that allows them to escape from the sun for a little bit, that Jared can’t wipe the grin of his face. And apparently neither can the rest of them, if the way Genevieve and Katie are giggling and pointing at Chad and Jake’s clasped hands is any indication.

When they find a place in the grass that is relatively abandoned, Jared rolls out his towel and collapses on it with a grateful sigh.

They’ve already been at the part for hours, standing in line, walking from one slide to the next and Jared’s feet definitely need a break.  Lying flat on his back, he folds a leg up to his chest, stretching the muscles.

“God, everything aches,” Sandy says as she begins to massage the pad of her feet. “And I’m going to hate myself later, when I start to feel this sunburn.”

Katie chuckles as Genevieve settles in between her legs. “But we got to witness Chad and Jake’s out and proud gay love,” she tells Sandy, “so that makes it totally worth it.”

“True,” Sandy agrees with a nod, eyes falling on the two side lovebirds as they exchange kisses, oblivious to the conversation going on around them. At least that’s what they thought until Chad shot them an answering finger, making Sandy rolls her eyes.

“We’re just happy for you assholes,” she tells them playfully before turning her attention to Jared. “So, learn anything about your new neighbor yet?”

As much as he wishes he had some details to report, he has to shake his head no. “Not yet,” he mutters. “Mama left me with a list of chores to get done yesterday and Chad was ignoring me, so I pretty much spent all day moping.”

“You did not,” Genevieve says, eyes wide.

“Unfortunately, I did,” Jared says with a shrug of his shoulders. “My best friend was ignoring me, what else was I supposed to do?”

“Leave him alone to think,” Chad offers him, untangling himself from Jake’s mouth to join in. Jared just rolls his eyes and throws a rock in his direction, just narrowly missing Chad’s head, which is just too damn bad.

“At least something good came out of it,” Jared admits.

Jake smiles as he twines their fingers together. “Yeah,” he agrees.

Jared shakes his head at the goofy look on Jake’s face before reaching out to grab one of Sandy’s feet and begins to massage it. He’s a good friend after all, plus it’s Sandy and she’s definitely likely to return the favour. Which is exactly why he all but drops a foot into her lap.

“I knew you had an ulterior motive,” Sandy sighs but sets to work anyways. “So you gonna invite me over later?”

Jared frowns as his fingers knead into Sandy’s heel. “What? Why?”

“So we can spy on your hot neighbor of course,” she says dryly. Talking to Jared can be like like taking to a brick wall sometimes, seriously, she might as well be feeding him some story about how James Lafferty got her off during one of Beaver’s boring English lectures. Which he totally did, not that Jared cares about that.

Jared pretends to mull it over before shaking his head. “No,” he chuckles, “that would be weird.”

“Why?” Sandy asks, pulling roughly on one of Jared’s toes. “We have every right to sit out on your porch and observe.”

“It’s stalking,” Jared points out as he releases her foot.  He’s not going to tell her that he may have already planned on doing just that, doesn’t need her wicked grin to encourage him because dammit, it is stalking. Unfortunately he’s kind of past the point in caring.

He’d love to see that face up close and trace the contours of the guy’s lips with his tongue. Actually there’s a lot of things he’d like to do with his tongue now that he’s thinking about it – again.

“You’re no fun, Jay,” Sandy grumbles, pushing his foot away. “If you don’t want to amuse me, I’m sure someone else will.”

Jared rolls his eyes. “Lemme guess, James Lafferty?”

Sandy pouts. “How do you know?”

“I have my ways Sandra McCoy,” he says before stretching out and leaning back on his elbows.

They lapse into silence after that, all of them just content laze about as the sun continues to beat down on them heavily.

Jared lets his mind wander to the people around him, the journeys they’re all going on and finally settling on the new neighbor he would definitely like to see more of. But it’s more than that, he kind of wants to get to know the guy too. After all he knows basically everyone on his street. Going over to introduce himself would just be neighborly, right? And not creepy?

Oh God, he doesn’t even know the guy and already he’s got butterflies in his stomach. He drags his bottom lip through his teeth, forces the feeling away.

It’s not much longer before Chad’s pulling him from his reverie and tells the group they’re going to hit up some more water slides. Jared doesn’t even protest, just welcomes the distraction.

 

~ ~ ~

 

It’s easy for Jensen to lose himself in his characters, in the life he’s built for them. He loses track of time and before he knows it, his coffee is gone and day is fading away to dusk. For as long as he can remember he’s used his writing as an escape from the world around him, an escape from the things he couldn’t change because here, within the blank pages of a document, he can change them.

Though his earlier works while growing up had been whimsical, naïve, he still tries to carry a little of that with him. Life may have its ups and downs, but he’s old enough to realize that once you lose that, it’s gone for good. And in a world that can be a scary place, it’s comforting to know you have something to cling to.

He also knows that he has his whimsical and naïve notions as a child to thank for where he is today. Well that, a lot of late nights and Starbucks. It hasn’t been easy, getting where he is today, and he makes it a point to never take it for granted. Even the first wave of rejection letters sit in the drawer of his desk, a symbol of how he never gave up on his dream. A symbol that if you want something badly enough, if you work hard enough for it, you’ll get it.

But writing has always been more than to him, more than an escape and more than a career. It’s his first love, the very thing that saved him when he felt like he was going to crumble. Growing up in a religious family who sees everything in black and white isn’t easy, or at least it hadn’t been for Jensen. He had struggled for years to fit in with his family’s value and the expectations of their church. Everything was black and white, there were no gray areas or room for discussion. It just simply was and there was no other way. It wasn’t easy growing up in a home knowing that his one little secret would tear everything apart.

So he kept it to himself, tried to change and adapt to the lifestyle he was born in to, but nothing worked. His feelings never lessened, only grew until he could no longer deny who he was and when things finally came to a head, the outcome hadn’t exactly been pretty.

He had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, literally and with the Pastor’s son no less. The scandal had been enough to have his parents packing up his belongings and shipping him off to the nearest group home that would fix him, cure him of his impure thoughts and feelings.

Jensen remembers the incident clearly, just as he can still see the blatant disgust on his father’s face as he told him of the arrangements they had made. It’s not like he had expected anything less, really, he hadn’t, but he had hoped for a little more discussion instead of being written off.

He didn’t go.

He was seventeen at the time and they couldn’t exactly force him. And his way of thinking what a little something like this:  what more could they possibly do to him, disown him, take away his inheritance? If they couldn’t love him, they could fucking keep it. He went as far as to tell them as much. You can probably guess how well that turned out.

He was homeless, jobless and broke in a matter of seconds and still he managed to hold his head high, refused to let his fear show because doing so would mean that they had won. He hadn’t wanted them to have that kind of power, that kind of control over his life.

So after it was all said and done, he filed it all away, locked it up in a tight little box and forgot about it.

Until he published his first book and his mother had attempted to make contact with him.

He had ignored them all, left the letters unopened and messages unanswered. It should have been enough to deter her, have her giving up but apparently his ignorance hadn’t been satisfactory for her, to her. He shouldn’t have been surprised when he found his mother at his doorstep a year and a half later, yet he had been.

She hadn’t come to congratulate him for making it on his own, or on his success and again he shouldn’t have been surprised. What she had come to tell him, was that he was making a fool of not only himself, but his family as well, that he should be ashamed of the disgrace he was bringing them. He shouldn’t be proud of his accomplishments, shouldn’t be able to hold his head high, that he was no soon of hers’.

That’s it, that’s all she had said and she was gone just as quickly has she had appeared. He hadn’t heard from her since, hasn’t heard from any of them, Josh being the only exception. But other than that, he might as well have never existed, even his sister Mack, his sweet, open-minded sister had shut him out without even so much as a goodbye. He can’t really blame her, though he desperately wants to.

He’s fine with it, totally okay, despite what his big brother might think.

He’s not running away, not from them, not from anything, he’s simply starting over and if he just so happens to be doing it half way across the country, with zero chance of running into his parents, then that’s just an added bonus. He’s tired of being dragged down, belittled and made to believe that what he’s doing is something he should be ashamed of.

He’s in control of his own life now and has been from the moment they kicked him out.

He reaches for his coffee, scowls when he finds it empty, hadn’t he just refilled it before coming to sit outside? He glances at the bottom right corner of his screen, sighs when he notices that nearly three hours have gone by.

His annoyance quickly fades when he takes in the progress he’s made, eyes scanning over the words quickly before letting himself sit back with a self-satisfied smirk.

Everything is going according to plan, his main character is picking up the pieces of his life and making excellent life choices. It’s only a matter of time before he’ll tear it all down again and really, that shouldn’t please him so much. But he likes challenging his characters, likes coming up with different ways they can bounce back and then watching them doing just that with each stroke of his keyboard.

There is nothing you can’t come back from, of that he is absolutely certain.

He had been down on his luck, homeless, depressed and if it hadn’t been for his determination to make something of himself, he wouldn’t be sitting here today.  He also has Jeff to thank for that, because not once did his big brother ever turn his back on him, even if it meant his parents always turning their back on Josh.

He threads his fingers together, cracks his knuckles, before propping his feet up on the empty chair and bringing the laptop down to his lap. A couple more hours, he muses, and then he’ll take a break, maybe eat something, because if the rumbling of his stomach is anything to go by, lunch was hours ago.

Immersed in his writing again, Jensen lets out a huff of frustration when loud music and even louder voices pull him back to the surface.  Glancing over at the distraction, his stomach tightens and his mouth dries up. Well fuck, he thinks, watching as the golden boy from next door climbs out of a tiny red car that surely couldn’t fit him inside of it. But that’s not the worst of it, not at all.

The worst of it is the way the boy laughs at something his friends say and the way his still damp board shirts cling in all the right places, making it all little too easy to imagine what he would look like out of them. He swallows, hard, and watches as the boy waves goodbye to his friends.

He’s a little too busy drinking in the sight in front of  him to realize when the boy’s gaze falls away from the retreating car to where he’s sitting on the porch and when he finally does, he can all but feel heat radiate from the tips of his toes to his cheeks.

The boy has his head tilted to the side, a curious little half smile on his face as they continue to stare at each other.  And then he’s giving Jensen a small wave and turning away, leaving Jensen more than a little embarrassed and a whole lot annoyed.

He came here to write, not lust over some boy across the fucking street. His life is not some clichéd teenage rom-com movie. And he’s most certainly not a teenager. He saves the file he had been working on and closes his laptop. Its due time for a break and maybe a cold shower.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Jared knows without a doubt the new neighbor had been checking him out, even from a distance he could feel the heat of the man’s gaze on him. Or had, until he had been caught staring. And for that brief minute where their eyes had held, he had kind of flailed over how attractive the guy was. Not that he’d doubted it, but still, seeing it was a different story.

Now, as he climbed up the steps to his front door, all it did was remind him of how badly he wants to see those stupidly good looks up close.

And he will.

Closing the door behind him, he pads his way into the kitchen, already smelling the sweet aroma of his mama’s cooking. He finds her at the stove, sampling whatever she’s got on simmer and he heads towards her.

“Hey mama,” he grins, leaning down to press a kiss to her cheek.

“Hey honey,” she says in return. “How was the waterpark?”

“Awesome,” he tells her, sliding onto one of the island stools, dropping his towel across his lap. He watches as she moves around the kitchen, pulls out vegetables from the fridge. “Chad and Jake are finally official.”

His mama stops what she’s doing to stare at him, eyes wide before going soft. “Well it’s about damn time,” she chuckles and sets a knife and cutting board in front of him. “Cut up those green peppers for me, will you?”

He picks up the knife as she turns back to the stove. “Yeah, it’s been a long time coming that’s for sure,” he murmurs, cutting the pepper into small pieces. “So have you met the new neighbor yet?”

She shakes her head, puts a pot of water onto a burner and switches it on.

“Oh shit,” she mutters, “that reminds me. I did make something for him, you know, to welcome him to the neighborhood, but I just haven’t had time to go over there.”

She gestures her hands around her before grabbing the plate of cookies that Jared had almost been sure were for dessert. He tries not to be too disappointed when she places them in front of him.

“You wouldn’t mind running them over, would you?” she asks, giving him that smile that he thinks probably got her just about anything she wanted when she was younger, present time included. “Introduce yourself for the both of us?”

Jared shakes his head in amusement as he abandons the task of cutting up the peppers. “Sure, mama,” he says and resists the urge to kiss her full on the mouth for giving him an excuse to see the hot new guy up close.

He’s already making his way towards the door, the sound of her trailing after him.

The sun is already fading when Jared makes his way across the street, fingers trembling lightly under the plate. He’s not exactly nervous as much as he is… well, nervous. Sure, he’s talked to the plenty of hot guys before, just none in this guy’s league and the fact that he’s already pictured said guy naked isn’t exactly helping.

Nope, definitely not helping. Not when the image is coming back to him with perfect clarity as he climbs the steps of the porch.

 He fidgets slightly before reaching out, pressing the doorbell. No going back now, he thinks, wishes desperately that he would have stashed the cookies and ate them later.

He’s not left waiting long before the front door opens, giving Jared the perfect view of green eyes and freckles. “Uh, hi,” he says, nearly tripping over the words, heart knocking painfully against his ribs.

“Hi,” the guy returns, leans against the door jab. He gives Jared a once over, obviously waiting for him to say something.

“Um,” he shifts uncomfortably, silently hating himself for becoming a fumbling mess. He holds out the cookies. “My mom just wanted me to give these to you, as a welcome to the neighborhood.”

“Thanks,” the guy smiles and takes the offered plate from Jared. “I appreciate it.”

“No problem,” Jared grins. He really, really likes the guy’s smile. “I’m Jared by the way.”

“Jensen,” he murmurs, finding he likes the way Jared’s eyes light up and the flash of dimples.

“Well, see you around Jensen,” he says as he takes a step back, gives Jensen a tiny wave.

Jensen watches him go, drinks in the little sway to his hips and the way Jared glances back at him over his shoulder. He knows he shouldn’t, that he should go back inside but just because he knows this, doesn’t mean he does it. He’s attracted to Jared, there’s no denying that, but just because he’s attracted doesn’t mean he has to act on it. Surely he can enjoy looking at the boy from afar.

“Yeah,” he says to the empty space in front of him, “see you around Jared.”

 


	3. A Glass of Lemonade

Turns out owning your own house comes with a ton of responsibilities that Jensen hadn’t even considered beforehand.  The lawn maintenance being his current issue right now, something he hadn’t even noticed had gotten out of control between unpacking and working. But now, as he steps out onto his front porch, car keys in one hand and an empty plate in the other, it’s staring him right in the face, mocking him. He scowls, makes a mental note that he’s going to have to mow the grass sooner rather than later, which just means he’s going to have to buy a lawnmower as well as groceries.

With a soft sigh he jogs down the steps and down the driveway.  He fights off the annoyance that plagues him as he heads across the street, empty cookie plate in hand, knowing it’s no one faults but his own for putting off the inevitable. He owns a house now, what had he expected? That the everyday chores would get done on their own? That his lawn would magically maintain himself?

Stupid, he thinks as he slips his keys into his pocket.

He takes in the house in front of him, the well-manicured lawn and can’t help the flush of embarrassment that creeps into his cheeks as an image of the boy with low shorts and honey toned skin comes racing back. But he pushes past it, doesn’t let his thoughts linger too long on that and instead focuses on climbing the porch steps, wincing slightly when they groan underneath his weight. They’re old, years of wear and tear and Jensen can’t help the small smile that tugs at his lips.

Its’ obvious Jared’s home is well lived in, one thing that Jensen’s parent’s place hadn’t been.

Shaking off the self-pity that threatens to bring him down, he reaches out and presses the doorbell. And if he secretly hopes its Jared that answers, there’s no one around to call him on it.

Unfortunately, luck isn’t on his side today and the door opens to reveal a woman who can be no one else other than Jared’s mom. They have the same dimples, he realizes quickly and feels himself flushing again. This is exactly why he doesn’t do strangers.

“Hello,” he says shyly and remembering why he’s there, he holds out the plate. “I just wanted to return to this to you. The cookies were amazing, thank you!”

The woman’s face lights up, grin wide as she takes the plate from his hands. “Oh, I’m so glad you enjoyed them! I’m Sharon, Jared’s mama, but I’m sure you already knew that.” She chuckles and steps back away from the door. “Why don’t you come on in, I just made some lemonade and you can tell me all about yourself.”

Jensen hadn’t counted on this part, only figured he’d stop by, drop the plate off and be on his way. Now, standing there awkwardly, he realized that he probably should have. People in Texas could be oddly friendly, albeit a little nosey. It makes it a lot more difficult to come up with an excuse as to why he can’t stay.

A familiar voice has Jensen’s eyes snapping up in its direction.

“You might as well come in,” Jared drawls, leaning against the banister of the stairs, a lazy grin on his face. “She’s impossible to resist.”

Jensen nods his head, trying desperately to ignore the way his heart rate picks up. He steps into the house, hands making their way into the front pockets of his jeans. “Jared,” he says quietly, almost hating that he likes the way the boy’s name sounds on his tongue.

“Jensen,” Jared says easily as he steps off the last step and follows them in to the kitchen. “So I guess it would be stupid to ask if you enjoyed mama’s cookies.”

Despite himself, Jensen chuckles. “The best I ever had.”

“What did I tell ya mama?” he says, turning to face Sharon as he takes one of the stools at the island, gesturing for Jensen to do the same.

Sharon rolls her eyes as she pulls out the jug of lemonade from the fridge, grabs three classes from the cupboard and places them on the counter. “Jared’s a little biased, of course,” she murmurs, “but I do make a pretty mean lasagna.”

“She’s being modest,” Jared explains as he swivels in his chair to get a better look at Jensen. Somehow he looks even more gorgeous than he did last night, all long lashes, green eyes and an impossible amount of freckles. The sun from the porch windows making Jensen’s hair an even brighter shade of blond that makes Jared want to reach out and touch. He doesn’t of course, but his fingers itch just the same.

Jensen chuckles softly as he thanks Sharon for the lemonade, sips on it quietly as he watches the exchange of easy banter between them, can’t help but feel a little sad for the boy he once used to be. He never had this, this easy going, joking relationship with his own mother. She had been proper, tight and always just a little bit cold. She had committed herself to God, to the church and in turn she had turned an eye on her own children. She loved no one more than she did Him and it’s always left a bitter taste in his mouth.

“So Jensen,” Sharon says, turning her attention to the man sitting at her counter. “Where are you from?”

Jensen, thankful for the distraction, finds himself answering easily, honestly. “Well I was born in a small town just outside of Dallas, but I grew up in New York.”

Jared wrinkles his nose at that, Jensen sees it out of the corner of his eyes and he can’t help the way his lip twitch up into an amused smile.

“Too many people,” Jared says, frowning once the words leave his mouth.

“No, you’re right,” Jensen assures him, risking a glance at him and hating the way those hazel eyes spark up something inside of him. He’s too young, he thinks again, and you’re not here for this. But he doesn’t look away from Jared, just holds his gaze as he continues.

“There’s so many people, everywhere you go you’re bumping into someone, but…” he trails off, wraps his hands around his glass, “New York can be a very lonely place.”

He doesn’t realize how true his words are until they’re out of his mouth.

“Is that why you moved here?” Jared asks curiously with a tilt of his head. He considers the look in Jensen’s eyes, the way the greens in them darken slightly when they’re sad. He may not know Jensen, like at all, but he knows sadness when he sees it- even if Jensen’s face gives nothing away.

Jensen shrugs his shoulders. “Maybe,” he says. “But mostly I just needed a change.”

Sitting back, Sharon watches her son with interest, takes in the tilt of his head and the way he looks at Jensen so intently, like he’s the most interesting thing ever. He’s interested, she muses as she takes a sip of her lemonade. And it’s not like Jared’s never been interested in other boys before, but something tells her this is different, that Jensen’s different.

She turns away from the boys, grabs the other batch of cookies she had made last night and sets the plate in front of them, watches as two sets of eyes light up.

“So Jensen,” she probes, “What do you do for a living?”

Turning away from Jared, Jensen glances at Sharon as he takes a bite of his cookie, waits until he’s swallowed before answering, “I’m a writer.”

“Oh,” Sharon says with a smile, “what do you write?”

“Uh, mystery occasionally, but mostly romances,” he mutters, feeling the tips of his ears go hot.  

“Anything I would have read?”

Jensen glances down, hands moving to rub nervously at his thighs and chuckles. “Uh, if gay romances are your thing.”

He says it so quietly that they almost don’t hear him and he forces himself to look up, to glance at them. Jared’s sitting there wide eyed, mouth slack and Sharon, well she’s looking at her son as though she’s trying to fight back her laughter.

“What?” he asks weakly, confused.

“Let me get this straight,” Jared squeaks, “you’re thee Jensen Ackles?”

“Yes.”

“Author of two best sellers?”

“Yes.”                                                                                                                                                          

“Holy shit,” Jared exclaims as he downs the rest of his lemonade in one gulp because seriously holy shit. He owns both books, has read them more than once, because again; holy shit.  But never, never in his life, would he have put Jensen’s face behind the book. “I… shit. You don’t have a photo.”

Jensen shakes his head, finding himself more amused than embarrassed right now. “I’m pretty private,” he explains. “I do a few radio talk shows, podcasts, and the occasional in person interview. But nothing that involves picture or my face.”

He wonders now if that has anything to do with his parents.

“That’s cool,” Jared says, “Just never would have thought…”

They fall into easy conversation after that, Jared asking him a million to one questions about writing and his creative process and it should be annoying, but oddly Jensen finds it endearing, finds Jared’s endless curiosity captivating. And for the first time since moving here, Jensen finds himself relaxing fully.

“Jared’s really into photography,” Sharon comments, smirking when Jared blushes.

“Mama, it’s nothing,” Jared mumbles causing Sharon to reach over and ruffle his hair.

“Now who’s being modest?” she asks.

Jensen finds he rather likes it when Jared blushes. “I’d like to see your work sometime,” he tells Jared honestly.

“Really?” Jared questions, brow raised and eyes giddy. Jensen can’t help but silently curse himself.

“Yeah,” he says before glancing down at his watch and sighing softly. “But I really should be going,” and he’s surprised to find honest disappointment in his voice. “It appears I need to buy a lawnmower.”

Jared laughs as he slides from his chair. “Yeah,” he agrees, “your lawn is looking a little wild. I’ll walk you out.”

“So,” Jared murmurs as he follows Jensen down the hall, suddenly nervous, “you really want to see my work?”

Jensen pauses at the door to turn back to look at Jared, realizing for the first time as he meets hazel eyes that he’s maybe definitely a little bit screwed. “Yeah, I do.” He reaches out, lays a hand on Jared’s arm.

“I’m sure they’re great, Jared.” He opens the door, gives Jared one last smile as Jared’s hand comes out to hold it open. “I’ll see you,” he murmurs.

Jared nods his head, watches as Jensen makes his way out onto the porch. “I’ll see you, Jensen.”

It’s stupid, really fucking stupid, but Jensen can’t keep the grin off his face as he makes his way towards his car.

 

~ ~ ~

 

 If there is one thing that Jared can always count on, it’s his friends showing up completely unannounced, at the most inconvenient times. He loves them, really, he does, but sometimes he just wants to curl up in his bed with a good book- and right now, preferably Jensen’s book. Yet they shot that plan all to hell and now they’re all sitting out on his porch with glasses of lemonade and the cluck of his mother’s tongue as she heads back into the house telling them all to behave.

He learned a lot about Jensen today, more than he probably would have otherwise if the guy hadn’t returned his mama’s dish, because as much as Jared likes to think he’s kind of a player, he really, really isn’t. Plus, there’s something about Jensen that makes his stomach muscles quiver and it’s a constant struggle not trip over his own tongue. Yet today, in his kitchen, it had been easy. Easier than he had thought it would be and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t looking forward to getting to know Jensen more.

He wants to know everything and more and if that’s not just a little unsettling, Jared doesn’t know what is.  And then there’s the whole showing Jensen his photography thing that has him both excited and terrified. Sure he has a camera slung over his shoulders at every possible moment, but it’s not like he shows his stuff to just anyone. It’s a hobby, really, and one he likes to keep hidden from criticism because he’s never really been good at taking it. His photography teacher is to blame for that.

Still, despite all that, he finds himself wanting to show Jensen and that’s a first. He’s only really ever showed his mama and Katie’s seen a few pieces but other than them, he hasn’t shown anyone.

He lifts his glass to his lips, lets the sweet-sour liquid coarse down his throat and brings himself back to the now.  He listens with half an ear as Chad tells them all about the shenanigans they got into out at Jake’s cottage last night and rolls his eyes when Chad tells them without so much as a hint of embarrassment about the grass stains on his favourite jeans.

“Jesus,” Genevieve laughs as she lifts herself up onto the porch railing, “you have no shame do you Chad?” She sends an apologetic smile Jake’s way. “You sure you know what you’re getting into?”

Jake chuckles as shakes his head. “I have no fucking idea, but it’s definitely going to be interesting.”

Chad grins as he presses a loud, smacking kiss to Jake’s cheek. “You bet your ass it is, sweetheart.”

“So, Jared,” Chad says as he angles his head towards his best friend, a teasing smile tugging at his lips. “Who’s a better kisser me or the mysterious hot new neighbor?”

Jared’s eyes widen at that and he’s really fucking glad he set his drink down otherwise he’d be wearing it. “Jesus, Chad,” he rebukes. “What the hell?”

He glances from Chad to Jake, not the least bit surprised to find Jake trying to hold back his laughter. Chad has a way of embellishing things and Jared has no doubt he laid it on pretty thick when he told Jake about their unfortunate mishap. The mishap being Jared drunk off his ass and Chad’s mouth looking kissable- at the time.

Chad just shrugs his shoulders. “You gonna answer the question?”

“Yes, Jared, please answer,” Sandy drawls in exaggeration.

“What,” Katie says, halting the question, “Jared and Chad kissed?”

“Wait, you didn’t know?” Genevieve asks, confused. “I thought this was common knowledge by now?”

“Apparently I missed the memo,” Katie pouts.

Jared huffs as he pushes to his feet. “Chad’s a horrible kisser,” he tells them. “Turned me straight.”

“Suuuure it did,” Chad says with a wink. “That’s why you keep coming back for more.”

“Shut up,” Jared laughs as he not so lightly kicks his friend in the knee. “And to answer your question, I don’t know. I haven’t kissed the mysterious new neighbor whose name just so happens to be Jensen.”

He wants to tell them who Jensen is, tell them he’s the author whose books he’s been mooning over forever now, but some selfish part of him wants to keep that to himself.

“Do you want to kiss him?” Genevieve asks, curiously running a hand through her hair in an attempt to untangle it.

Jared sighs as he leans over, rests his elbows on the railing. “Maybe,” he admits and then, “yeah I do.”

“Then go for it,” Sandy encourages him before letting out a low whistle that snags Jared’s full attention. “You sure he’s gay?”

“What?” Jared asks, confused head snapping up before following Sandy’s gaze across the street. Oh, Jensen’s back.

He scowls, says, “Yeah, I’m sure.”

“Then go get him, tiger,” Katie urges him. “Looks like he’ll need a hand with all those bags.”

“Look at those arms,” Sandy sighs in appreciation and Jared can’t help but hate her a little bit.  “If you don’t go over there and help….”

“Sandy,” Jared growls as he pushes past her, ignores the way Chad grins at him like a big dumb dork. His friends suck.

He shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans and makes his way down his driveway without so much as a glance back at the group of hooligans loitering on his front porch. He feels their eyes on him though and it does next to nothing to loosen the knots in his stomach.

He stops just at the end of Jensen’s driveway and takes a minute to watch him, to watch the graceful way in which he moves, the way muscles bunch under his shirt and the sweat that’s currently soaking its way through his shirt.

Jared’s tongue darts out to wet his lips before he forces himself up the rest of the driveway.

“Hey,” he says awkwardly, coming to stand just behind Jensen. “You look like you could use a hand.”

Jensen grabs the bags he’d been reaching for, looks behind him, grins. Straightening, he nods his head. “Yeah, thanks.”

Jared shrugs off the thanks, returns the gin. “No problem,” he murmurs and grabs a couple bags and follows Jensen inside.

They make a couple trips before eventually the groceries are piled everywhere in Jensen’s kitchen. “So,” he asks in amusement, “did you buy the whole grocery store?”

“Maybe,” Jensen replies reaching up to scratch the back of his neck. “I’ve been living off of take out and frozen dinners for the last week. Haven’t had much time to go shopping.”

Jared shakes his head as he begins to unpack some of the bags, asking Jensen every now and then where he wants something.  Working together, it doesn’t take them long to get everything squared away, and Jensen’s more than a little thankful for Jared’s help.

Afterwards, Jensen leans back against the counter, offers Jared one of those shy smiles.

“Well, I think you’re all set now,” Jared says coming to lean beside Jensen.

“Good thing I know how to cook too,” Jensen murmurs. “Not as good as your mom bakes, but I can cook.”

“Oh yeah?” Jared asks with an arch of his brow.

Jensen nods his head. “Yeah,” and then before he’s even aware of what he’s doing he says, “So I’m thinking; if you help me with tame my lawn a little, I’ll make us a mean burger after.”

“Sounds like a good plan to me,” Jared grins.

 

~ ~ ~

 

 

“Is he coming back?” Chad asks after a while as he gets to his feet and stretches. “I don’t think he’s coming back.”

“Jealous?” Sandy asks, as she makes her way down the porch steps and to her car.

Chad scowls as he throws an arm around Jake. “Can’t be,” he tells her with a wink. “Not when I got the hottest guy right beside me.”

Jake rolls his eyes but leans in closer. “Shut up,” he chuckles.

They spot Jared then, following behind Jensen as they head for his car and none of them miss the smirk on Jared’s lips.

“Hey Padalecki,” Chad calls out, waving his hands obnoxiously to get his friend’s attention. “We’re heading out! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

He so doesn’t miss the finger Jared aims in his direction and he’s chuckling as he climbs into his car.

 

~ ~ ~

 

The lawn had taken a little over an hour to tackle, in which Jared had come close to injuring himself on more than one occasion. Turns out watching Jensen do such a simple task as mowing his lawn turns Jared into an even bigger klutz.

After a couple of fumbled attempts, he makes up some excuse that the weed whacker is acting up and settles for just watching Jensen from his porch. It hadn’t been a horrible view, in his opinion, not with Jensen growing all sweaty and his shirt clinging to him like second skin. He had been hoping he would take it off, tuck it into the back of his jeans and finish the yard shirtless but he didn’t, and that left Jared a little disappointed. Not that he’s going to admit that.

“Fuck,” Jensen says as he comes to stand in front of him, mower shutting off as soon as he releases the little bar. “If my yard gets like this again, I give you permission to kick my ass.”

Jared smiles at him as he cups a hand around his eyes to look up at Jensen. “I could do it for you know,” he offers, voice low and unsure. “I mean, if you ever get too busy.”

“Really?” Jensen asks clearly into the idea as lowers himself down beside Jared. “That would be great. I don’t think I did a very good job.”

Jared chuckles as he surveys Jensen’s handy work, notices where the grass is still higher in some places than others. “Takes some practice,” he tells Jensen as he leans back on his hands, lifting his face up to the son.

He loves the heat, his mama used to say it was because he was a summer baby but Sandy thinks it’s because it’s got a personality that’s all sunshine and fucking rainbows. He smiles at the thought, because Sandy never could take his happy go lucky attitude before eleven o’clock.

“Apparently it does,” Jensen mumbles, reaching down to tug at the hem of his shirt, wincing as continues to stick to him. “I need a fucking shower.”

“Yeah,” Jared says as he bumps shoulders with Jensen, leans in to smell him before wrinkling his nose. “You kinda stink dude.”

Jensen rolls his eyes and gets to his feet, pulling Jared right along with him. “You want those burgers or not, asshole?”

Jared follows as Jensen leads them back into the kitchen, pulls open the fridge and takes out two beers.  He untwists his own before turning to Jared to give him the second before pausing, suddenly struck by the notion that Jared’s a little young and he rolls his bottom lip through his teeth.

“Uh,” he fumbles, clearly flustered “how old are you?”

The hand Jared had extended to grab the peer quickly drops and he awkwardly slides them into the pockets of his jeans. He had known the question would come up eventually, had even managed talked himself into believing that it wouldn’t be a big deal.

He doesn’t really believe that anymore. Sure he’s young, but he’s not a kid either. Still, he can’t help wonder if whatever chemistry they had going on between them would be gone the moment he opened his mouth.  

Jared lets out a shaky breath and forces himself to keep Jensen’s gaze. “Uh, seventeen,” he answers quietly. “Eighteen in a couple weeks.”

Jensen nods his head before bringing his beer to his lips and drinking deeply as a little voice inside his head tells him it’s not that bad. It’s what he assumed already, isn’t it?

So going with that little voice he hands Jared the beer, mutters something about making himself at home and bolts for the bathroom as casually as he can.  He needs to think, figure out what this whole thing is…. Which is nothing at the moment, right? They’re just two dudes hanging out, who just so happen to be attracted to each other.

Attraction just haven’t to mean action. He doesn’t have to act on it, right? He’s an adult now, not some horny teenager who is incapable of controlling himself. No, no… he needs to focus on his book and not on getting the boy in his kitchen naked.

“I’m so fucked,” he grumbles as he begins to strip, sliding out of his jeans and underwear quickly followed by his shirt. He can handle this. He can be friends with Jared, just friends, nothing more than that.

As he steps under the hot spray, letting the water wash away the sweat and grime, he knows he isn’t fooling anyone. The moment he laid eyes Jared, he had known he was screwed.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Jared’s not exactly sure what happened, or if he should even stay. Sure, Jensen said to make himself at home, even gave him the beer but, he had seen the panic in Jensen’s eyes and Jared had no idea what to make of it. In the end he slides himself onto one of the stools in the kitchen and sips at his beer, more to distract himself than actual thirst. He doesn’t even taste it, doesn’t even feel the cool slide of liquid down this throat. He’s too busy freaking out.

He sighs, rests his feet on the bars of the stool and tries to think of anything else. Unfortunately, that only leads to thoughts of Jensen in the shower, wet, water dripping down his tanned skin and freckles. He’s half hard in an instant and cursing himself as he struggles to readjust himself. He’s not exactly sure what’s worse, being freaked out that he scared Jensen away or being turned on while thinking about Jensen in the shower.

He brings his beer back to his lips, downs half the contents in one gulp. Jensen can’t be much older than him, can he? His biography didn’t give away much and neither did his interviews now that Jared’s thinking about it.

“Age is nothing but a number,” he mutters under his breath, scowling at himself. He’s being pathetic. He should just calm the fuck down and wait to see what Jensen says when he comes back out. Whatever it is, they’ll go from there.

A lot easier said than done.

He’s not sure how long he sits there, but by the time Jensen comes out his beer is gone and he’s no closer to figuring out what the hell is going on between them than he was when Jensen took off to shower.  He sighs, not really having the strength to look up. Not even when Jensen slides in beside him and sets another beer in front of him.

They sit there in silence for a while, drinking. It’s Jensen who eventually breaks the quiet.

“So,” he says with a huff, “I probably could have handled that better.”

Jared doesn’t say anything because it’s the truth. He waits for Jensen to continue and isn’t left waiting long.  

“I knew you were younger than me,” he mutters. “I just didn’t realize by how much.”

“Can’t be by that much,” Jared says finally looking at Jensen. He’s struck again by how beautiful Jensen is, his hair is still damp, dripping down his neck and Jared wants to lean in, flick his tongue across the exposed skin.

“Seven years,” Jensen murmurs with a nod of his head. “I already knew that. I guess having it confirmed kinda threw me.”  

“Sorry,” Jared whispers, not sure what else there is to say. He finishes his beer and sets it down. “I’ll just get going.” Unfolding himself from the stool he starts to move past Jensen, jolts in surprise when he feels fingers wrap around his wrist.

“I don’t want you to go, Jared,” Jensen admits quietly, turning in his chair to look at Jared.  

Letting out the breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding, Jared nods his head. “Don’t want to go anywhere.”

Jensen grins then as he slides from his seat and tugs on Jared’s hand. “How about you help with the burgers?” he suggests.

The growling of Jared’s stomach is answer enough.

 

~ ~ ~

 

 

Jensen has been doing the alone thing for so long, that he almost forgot how nice it was to share his day with someone. He forgot how much pleasure it brought him to cook for someone other than himself. Although he tells himself he doesn’t think about the reasons that lead to him preferring being alone, they’re never far from his mind. Neither are his mother’s angry words about how he is bringing shame to their family.

And when he finds those memories bubbling to close to the surface, he distracts himself with the sounds of Jared’s laughs, or his moans of pleasure as he takes generous bites out of his burger.

It’s easy, really fucking easy, and before long Jensen doesn’t think about his family at all. Instead he’s enjoying spending time with Jared, even if it is taking away from the time he should be writing. He tells himself he can make up for it later, that it’s nothing that a late night and a pot of coffee can’t solve.

“Jesus, Jensen,” Jared says around another bite, pausing only to wipe away the mustard in the corner of his mouth. “These are insanely good.”

Jensen chuckles as he hands Jared a napkin, and asks, “Better than your mama’s?”

Jared glances around him, pretending to check for prying ears before leaning in and whispering, “Yes. But if you tell I said so, I’ll deny it.”

“Your secret is safe with me,” Jensen assures Jared, whole body growing warm with Jared’s comment.

The conversation that flows throughout their meal is light, easy and leaves Jensen feeling happy. He learns that Jared is an only child, that he tried his hand at writing before finding his passion for photography, and that he hates horror movies but agrees to watch one with Jensen on the grounds that Jensen will hold his hand. Of course he agrees, what kind of guy would he be if he refused?

He tells Jared a little bit about himself in return, always circling around touchy subjects or talking about something else completely if things get too personal. Jared doesn’t push for more and Jensen’s grateful for that and when they finally steers into safer territory, Jensen asks about Jared’s photography.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that Jared is shy about his work – a little bashful – and tells Jensen that he’s nothing special, not nearly as good as his mama makes him out to be. It’s just a hobby really, but he’ll show Jensen if he’s interested.

He is.

“You should bring some of your stuff over tomorrow,” Jensen suggests and when Jared’s mouth falls open slightly he finds himself backtracking out of fear he pushed too hard. “That is, if you’re not busy?”

Jared shakes his head. “No, not busy. I gotta do some things for mama around the house tomorrow, but I could come over after?”

“Sounds great actually,” he responds. “I’ll be writing most of the day so why don’t you come over again around supper time? I’ll let you taste more of my cooking.”

“Mama’s going to be jealous,” Jared jokes as he rubs his stomach.

Jensen chuckles softly as he moves to gather up their empty plates, shaking his head when Jared gets up to help. “I’ve got it,” he tells Jared and moves the plates over to the sink.

Not wanting this day to end, but knowing that it has to, Jared pushes himself to his feet and stands awkwardly, not quite sure how to say goodbye. Not when all he wants to do is cup the back of Jensen’s neck and kiss him.

“I should probably head home,” he murmurs. “I’m sure you’ve got work to do.”

Jensen does, he’s not going to deny that, but he doesn’t want Jared to leave yet. He grabs two more beers from the fridge. “One more before you go?”

“Sure,” Jared says, beaming as he takes the beer from Jensen’s offered hand and follows him out into the backyard.

The sun has long since faded and as a result, the air is cooler against their skin as they stand underneath the coloured sky, lined with pinks, oranges and purples, listening to the sounds of crickets in the distance. It’s oddly romantic, something you’d read in a book and Jared finds himself grinning. Cliché or not, it’s a pretty perfect ending to a pretty great day.

After a while, Jared lowers himself onto the freshly cut grass and cradles his beer between his crossed legs. “This has always been my favourite time of day,” he murmurs quietly, not exactly sure why he said it.

“Yeah?” Jensen asks as he sits down beside Jared and brings his beer to his lips.

“Yeah,” Jared breathes, head tipped up to look at the sky. “I especially like it when the sun is just going down and the sky’s a bunch of different colours. It’s gorgeous, something you’d find in a fairy tale.”  He chuckles, realizing what he just said. “That sounds lame.”

Jensen shakes his head. “No it doesn’t.” He cocks his head to the side, lets his gaze roam over Jared, commits the littlest of details to memory. The flop of hair, the full bottom lip, the mole beside his nose. He can’t remember if anyone has ever captivated him the way Jared does, make him feel like he’s going to burst get a taste, one taste.

“Jared?” he whispers.

“Mmm?”

Jensen rolls his lips through his teeth, finds himself leaning in ever so slightly, says, “I had a really good time tonight.” And he’s close, not quite close enough but he could be and before he can close the distance, he’s pulling away, looks up at the sky and silently curses himself.

“Yeah,” Jared agrees, fighting the urge to be disappointed when Jensen backs off. Instead, he tilts his back up and watches as the colours in the sky fade away into night. “Me too.”

 

 


	4. A Style All Your Own

Jensen’s never been a morning person, but there’s something different about standing out on his front porch, cup of coffee in his hands and listening to the songs of birds.  It’s peaceful and as he stands there, leaning against the railing he finds himself more at ease than he’s ever been. This place, the yard before him, it’s his own and he worked damn hard to get it. He feels a sense of satisfaction and none of the loneliness that he’s come so used to identifying with himself, and his surroundings.

He feels almost at home here and knows given a little more time, it will be just that: home.

Letting his mind wander a little, Jensen moves over to the patio furniture he had purchased not long after buying the house and lowers himself into one of the chairs. He has his laptop set up on the table, open and waiting for him but he makes no move to start writing. Instead he allows himself to do something he’s never done, enjoy the early morning.

He stretches out, props his feet up on one of the empty chairs and crosses his ankles. It’s nice, really nice, to be able to just sit here and watch as everything comes to life around him. The wind is light, just a barely there touch that has the trees whistling around him and the rising sun a playful kiss against his skin, murmuring promises of a hot day.

For the first time since moving into the area Jensen lets himself take in the houses around him, takes in the variety of brick and siding finishes and colourful gardens. He can’t help the little sigh that escapes him as his gaze falls to his own yard, or rather his lack of a garden of his own. He has a thing or two to learn, he muses, but he’s up for the challenge.  How hard could it be right? Plant a garden, weed the garden, water the garden. Sounds easy enough.

Something tells him there’s probably more to it than that and really, he doesn’t exactly have the time to maintain a garden.

With a shake of his head, Jensen places his coffee cup down on the table beside his computer and arranges himself so that he’s sitting properly, feet folded underneath him, posture straight. “Okay,” he mutters under his breath, “time to get to work.”

He loses himself quickly, effortlessly, in his characters, feels the hum of anticipation beneath his fingertips as he lets his main character give in to his most inner desires. His journey hasn’t been an easy one, parents too bigoted, his friends not as understanding as he needed them to be. He has no one to lean on, no one to share his pain with and it’s a storyline that Jensen relates to so profoundly that he finds himself projecting his innermost thoughts into this character.  And by the time he’s finished with the chapter his fingers are trembling, his coffee cold and the tears on his face had long since dried.

“Fuck,” he whispers as he slumps back, stares at the blue sky before him. His main character, Dean, has taken a completely different route than he had originally planned and it’s left them both a little shaken. But he knows without even having to reread the words in front of him that it’s good, really fucking good. And even if his heart is beating frantically, body screaming for him to delete them, start over, he won’t.

Some stories need to be told.

Saving the document, Jensen unfolds himself from the chair and heads inside to heat up his coffee.

 

~ ~ ~

“So what did you guys do last night?” Katie asks as she rolls onto her stomach on Jared’s bed, dangles her legs above her.

“Nothing really,” Jared murmurs as he continues to go through the folders on his computer, trying to compile some of his better shots into a new folder. The idea of showing these to Jensen still terrifies him but after last night, it’s settled down some, would even go as far as to say its dulled down unease.

Katie sighs. “C’mon on Jared, I didn’t drive all the way over here for you to tell me nothing really.”

Abandoning his current task, he decides that maybe he could let Katie in on his little secret. That little something he wanted to keep to himself. Setting his laptop down beside him, he folds his legs underneath him.

“You remember those books that I wouldn’t shut up about for like, ever?” he asks.

Katie nods, eyes rolling. “How could I forget?”

“Well, Jensen wrote them.  My hot neighbor is none other than Jensen-fucking-Ackles.”

“No,” Katie whispers, and this time her eyes go wide as she scrambles to her knees. “You’re joking. C’mon Jay, you know I ended up caving and reading them. You better not be lying to me.”

Chuckling, Jared shakes his head. “I’m not. I swear.”

“Wow,” she says, flops down beside him. “You know, for a while there I thought you were going to build a shrine to that guy.”

“Shut up. You would have helped.”

He shifts, drops an arm down around her shoulder. “You can’t tell anyone though,” he says, knowing full well that his friends will tease him mercilessly about it. He doesn’t think he could handle that, doesn’t want to subject Jensen to that. “Promise?”

“Promise.”

They stare up at the ceiling for a while, both of them lost in their thoughts. Eventually Katie asks, “You really like him though, don’t you? And I don’t just mean for his books?”

“Yeah,” Jared replies. There’s something about Jensen that’s unique from anyone else he’s ever met. He’s quiet, a little reserved and a depth of sadness in his eyes that Jared will do anything to replace. Whatever Jensen’s been through, he wants to be the reason Jensen smiles again, for real.

“Just be careful, okay Jay?” Katie murmurs as she takes Jared’s hand, squeezes.

Turning his head he gives her a small smile. “Don’t worry about me, Katie,” he assures her, “I’ll be fine.”

 

~ ~ ~

Successfully Jared manages to dodge all of Chad’s epic shenanigans he has planned for tonight with just the simple excuse of I’m helping Jensen with… something.  Of course Chad had made gagging noises on the other end of the phone and kindly told him to have fun rearranging furniture with his new boy toy.

If it were possible to punch people through the phone, Chad would be seeing stars but as it is, Chad’s face is safe from any bruising his fist might have inflicted – for now.

In the end he puts his phone on silent and shoves it into the pockets of his jeans as he takes in his appearance in the mirror. He thinks he looks good, casual, and not at all like he’s trying to impress Jensen too much. He’s dressed in his usual jeans and light pink t-shirt only the shirt is a little more form fitting and his jeans, which just so happen to be his favourite pair, a little faded and torn in the knee. Whatever, he likes them, thinks he looks damn good in them too.  

Rolling his eyes he turns away from the mirror, grabs his laptop and heads downstairs.

“Hey honey,” Sharon says, spotting him at the bottom of the stairs.

Feeling guilty about not eating dinner with her again Jared leans in to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Mama,” he grins. “I’m going over to Jensen’s, okay?”

“Am I being replaced, Jared Tristan Padalecki?” Sharon admonishes teasingly.

“Never,” Jared tells her as he makes his way towards the door. “I’ll see you later!”

With a firm grip on his laptop Jared jogs across the street and up Jensen’s driveway. His heart is already knocking against his chest in a way that has nothing to do with exertion and everything to do with the man behind the door in front of him.

It’s only then, with his hand half raised to ring the doorbell that Jared realizes he maybe, sort of missed the guy- which is ridiculous because they barely know each other.

But you already know him better than you did Tom.

It’s a sad truth that leaves him feeling momentarily guilty before shaking it off and ringing the doorbell.  He stands there, ignoring the urge to fidget for what feels like hours, before the door finally opens, revealing a still half naked Jensen.

Jared feels his mouth go dry.

“Shit,” Jensen says as he opens the door all the way, steps back to let Jared. “Lost track of time.”

Jared nods his head as he follows Jensen inside, tries to keep his eyes on Jensen’s face and not his naked torso, which turns out to be a not so easy feat. Jensen’s all freckles and milky white skin with just the faintest hint of abs, other than that, he’s just all smooth plains that Jared can’t wait to get his hands on.

“S’okay,” he finally mumbles.

“Just make yourself at home,” Jensen gestures, “grab a beer or something. I’ll just go….” And then he’s off, disappearing down the hall towards his bedroom. Jared has to resist the urge to follow him.

He does as Jensen suggested and grabs a beer from the fridge before heading into the living room. It’s a space he hasn’t really had the chance to observe, too distracted by Jensen and his cooking to take much notice. But he does now, drinks in the browns and blacks, can’t help but think everything is so very much Jensen.  He sinks down onto one of the leather couches as his gaze continues to take in the room around him.

In a frame above the fireplace is Jensen’s first book cover, simplistic and modest, especially for what the words inside it contain. He grins as his gaze moves from the book cover to the pictures set on top of the mantel and pushing back to his feet, he wanders over.

There are a few personal pictures here, some of Jensen with his friends, some of Jensen with a guy, smiling wide and honest in a way that makes Jared a little jealous - until he studies the picture further and realizes the two look too much alike to be anything other than brothers.

Chuckling, he brings his beer to his lips and returns back to the couch, letting his mind wander back to a shirtless Jensen as he waits.

 

~ ~ ~

 

 Oh God.

Jensen could have sworn he had set an alarm to assure something like this wouldn’t happen. Either he didn’t hear it or the damn thing didn’t go off. Taking a couple deep breaths, he steps away from his closed door and makes a beeline for his dresser. He rummages through the drawers, no longer caring what shirt he grabs just so long as you know, he’s no longer half naked and thinking about all the things they could do half naked… or naked completely.

Jared’s only seventeen, he reminds himself. Seven-fucking-teen.

Huffing he grabs a plain black v-neck tee and pulls it on, then stops. What if Jared hadn’t liked what he seen? What if Jared thought he wasn’t tone enough, fit enough?

He’s being ridiculous, like really ridiculous but he can’t seem to help himself. He’s always been just a little soft in the middle, no amount of gym time changed that Considering everything he’s been through, it shouldn’t be a surprise that he’s a little insecure at times. He’s had guys that have liked him well enough, when he’s all packaged up.

Is Jared like that? Jensen doesn’t really believe it.

Either way, it’s been a while since he’s been interested in anyone and even longer since he’s wanted someone around for more than one night where sex hadn’t been included. He likes his own company, prefers it because it’s easier that way.

And yet, here he is, having Jared over for the second night in a row and he’s nervous, has the little flutters in his stomach to prove it. What’s worse? is that he couldn’t care less that he suddenly feels like he’s a teenager again. He wants this, even if there is a part of him that’s protesting, a little voice inside of his head that’s only getting quieter.

Taking a quick peek at his reflection in the mirror, Jensen deems himself as good as he’s going to get and heads back into the hallway, slowing making his way in to the living room.

When he spots Jared on the couch, laptop open in his lap, Jensen leans against the wall to drink the boy in, because that’s what he is: a boy. For now.

His hair is somewhat tamed today, curling ever so slightly in some areas and Jensen finds it kind of endearing.  He wants to reach out, run his fingers through Jared’s hair, just to feel the texture. Has found himself wondering what it would be like on more than one occasion now.  

Eventually Jared shifts, turning his head ever so slightly and catches Jensen staring. He gives him that small grin, the one that makes his loins quiver and he blushes, looks down at his feet. Stupid, he tells himself before pushing off the wall and moving to sit down beside Jared.

If he leaves a little bit of distance between them, that’s only because he doesn’t want to do something stupid, like test out how exactly it would feel to have Jared against him, underneath him.

They’re strangers still, mostly, and this isn’t some random one night stand that he can walk away from – doesn’t want to walk away from. Because in the short amount of time, he values whatever it is that’s between them. Friendship, something more. Whatever it is, he’s not up to ruining it.

“You gonna show me your work, or what?” he asks teasingly, breaking the tension that had managed to coil in his shoulders.

Jared smirks. “I don’t know,” he muses, tapping his lip lightly with his index finger. “I think you’re going to have to work for it first.”

“Oh yeah?” Jensen asks with a grin as he turns to face Jared head on.

“Yeah,” Jared nods, “I think you’re going to have to cook for me first. I’m rather famished.”

Rolling his eyes Jensen pushes to his feet. “Put your laptop down,” he instructs, relief flowing through him as they fall into the same easy routine as yesterday. “You’re helping.”

Jared frowns as he allows himself to be tugged in the direction of the kitchen. “I’m not a very good cook,” he warns.

“I’ll teach you.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

 

They keep it simple, something Jared’s seen his mama make more than once, making easier to fall into a rhythm with Jensen’s guidance. He fumbles more than once, and a couple of them are on purpose, just so he can feel Jensen’s arms around him as he guides Jared’s hands with his own.

Jensen’s touch is electric, causing a million different sensations to radiate through his body, each one more intense than the last. Jared can’t remember feeling like this, ever and when Jensen laughs, deep and throaty, Jared’s positive he’s never heard a better sound.

“You did great,” Jensen beams as he slides the pizza into the oven and sets a timer.

Jared shakes his head as he runs his hands underneath lukewarm water, rinsing the rest of the flour off his hands. “No,” he chuckles, glancing over at Jensen from underneath his lashes, “I didn’t. And you did most of the work.”

“Rolling the dough isn’t exactly easy,” Jensen tells him earnestly, struggling to hold back the laughter as he gets a good look at Jared. He’s got flour smeared across his cheek and as much as he should be ridiculous, Jensen only finds it cute and well, a little funny.

“C’mere.”

When Jared only stares at him with a confused look on his face, Jensen gestures towards his flour clad cheek. “Cooking isn’t without its mishaps,” he murmurs, reaching out slowly to run the pad of his thumb over Jared’s cheek, brushing off the flour.

Jared feels his breath catch in his throat the moment Jensen’s thumb makes contact with his skin, feels it down to his toes and try as he might, he can’t fucking look away. His eyes are locked with Jensen’s and it feels like he’s drowning in a sea of green, overwhelmed with just how much more he wants, all the while thinking never stop touching me.

It’s enough and not enough at the same time, and when Jensen’s touch lingers longer than necessary Jared feels himself sway forward, sees the intent of his own body before he’s even aware of what’s going on.

And sees the moment break before he’s even close to getting what he wants and it’s hard not to feel a little dejected as Jensen steps around him.

“Oh,” he whispers faintly. “I think I need another beer.  Do you want one?”

“Sure,” Jensen says gruffly. He’s trying to wrap his head around what just happened, trying to process all the reasons why he moved away instead of letting Jared kiss him. He wants Jared to kiss him, God does he ever, so why is he holding himself back? Jared’s gorgeous, a walking wet dream, so what is the real problem here, other that he blatantly obvious?

His own insecurities? Maybe.

God, he wants to kiss Jared.

When Jared hands him a beer, he takes it with a weak smile and a mumbled thanks.  He’s going to have to get his act together, sooner rather than later. Jared won’t stick around for much longer if he thinks Jensen’s not interested.

And that’s the real problem isn’t it? That he’s interested.

With a heavy sigh he takes a long, deep pull from his beer. “Sorry,” he mutters, setting the bottle down on the counter. “I just…”

Throwing his hands up in frustration he talks to the sliding doors leading out into the backyard, lets the green and blues of outside calm him slightly. “I’m not exactly good at this.”

“Having dinner?” Jared asks quietly.

Jensen chuckles softly but there’s no real humour behind it. “I wish. I’m not good at this, having dinner with someone I’m not only attracted to, but like as well.”

Confused Jared comes to stand beside Jensen, rests a hand lightly on Jensen’s arm before withdrawing it completely. “You’re going to have to give me a little more than that.”

“I wish I could,” Jensen admits. “All I can tell you is I have issues, big ones.”

“Don’t we all?” Jared questions, eyes searching Jensen’s face but coming up empty.

Whatever Jensen’s holding on to, he’s grasping at it tightly, keeping it hidden from curious eyes.

“Probably,” Jensen mumbles, looking away from the outside world to Jared. The understanding he finds in Jared’s eyes is enough to ground him, for now. “Still think I’m hot?”

“I never said you were hot,” Jared smirks as he tugs at Jensen’s hand. “C’mon I think that pizza smells just about ready.”

On cue, the timer goes off.

“You’re an ass,” Jensen remarks.

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Jared,” Jensen says in exasperation as he waits for Jared to get over whatever little fit he’s currently having. “Let me see them.”

Rolling his bottom lip through his teeth, Jared’s gaze flicks back and forth between his computer and Jensen. As much as he wants to share these with Jensen, he’s having a little difficulty letting go of his laptop. Inside the file he now has open is everything he’s never let anyone but his mom and Katie see (and really they’ve only seen a few pieces here and there), but the stuff in this particular folder has never seen the light of day.

He takes a deep breath and hands Jensen the laptop before he can change his mind or bolt for the door. “Just… don’t laugh, okay?” he pleads.

Frowning Jensen rests the computer in his lap. “Jared, I won’t,” he tells him, a little taken aback that Jared would even think he would.

“I already opened the folder, all you have to do is click.”

Jared watches as Jensen takes his time, watches as he studies each picture with such concentration that it’s all Jared can do to sit still. He’s wound so tight, nervous, terrified that Jensen will think his pictures suck, that he doesn’t even notice when Jensen looks away from the screen to look at him, can’t even place the look of awe on Jensen’s face.

“Well?” he asks when Jensen just continues to stare at him. “What do you think?”

“What do I think?” Jensen says quietly, the words rolling slowly from his tongue, trying to find the words. He’s never seen anything like Jared’s stuff, each picture so unique in its own way that it’s as though he’s created a style all his own. A style that would be hard to replicate and Jensen’s never been so at a loss of words as he is right now.

“I think you floor me,” he admits. “Jesus, Jared, your work is stunning.”

“You think so?”

“God yes,” Jensen exclaims as he gently closes the computer and tugs on Jared’s hand. “Jared seriously, if you don’t know how good you are you’re obviously not looking close enough. Your work is unique, holds an element that is all your own and it’s flawless.”

Jared can see that Jensen means every damn word and for the first time he thinks that maybe believes them a little bit. Grinning Jared pulls Jensen in for a quick hug. “Thanks,” he whispers before pulling away, a flush working its way to his cheeks.

“No problem,” Jensen murmurs, letting his hands linger on Jared’s shoulders before falling away. “So is there a reason why you doubt your ability so much?”

Jared shrugs. “Not really,” he mutters. “Just one of my teachers used to give me a hard time, was never really happy with anything I did.”

“Ahh,” Jensen says with a cluck of his tongue as he leans back against the couch, propping his feet up on the coffee table. “Sounds to me like someone was jealous.”

“Maybe,” Jared agrees. “But thanks though, really, Jensen.”

“You’re welcome,” Jensen grins. “You up for a movie?”

Jared groans.

“Oh c’mon, I’ll promise to hold your hand.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

True to his word Jensen does hold his hand, making it hard for Jared to concentrate on the movie. He’s lost in the way his hand feels wrapped up in Jensen’s, surprised to find that they’re rougher than they look. When he starts to wonder how those hands would feel against his skin, he thinks it’s a good idea that Jensen turned off the lights.

He’s actually pretty disappointed when the movie ends and the lights flip back on, pulling him back to the present.

“See it wasn’t so bad,” Jensen teases as he flops back down beside Jared.

Jared shrugs, jokes, “I think I was the one comforting you.”

“Whatever,” Jensen laughs, as he shoves playfully at Jared’s shoulder. “You were totally scared.”

“Terrified,” Jared mocks and stretches slightly. “I should get going before mama thinks you’ve kidnapped me.”

“Ha ha,” Jensen says as he stands with Jared.

Walking to the door with Jared, Jensen’s a little stunned to realize that he doesn’t want Jared to go, even more so when he realizes that he doesn’t want Jared to stay for sex – or at least not just for sex. It scares him a little bit, the intensity of his feelings, too fast, too soon. Still, somehow he feels like he’s known Jared forever, knows more about him than any of the guys he’s been with and really, he shouldn’t be comparing them to Jared.

Frowning, he rubs at the back of his neck, trying to figure out what separates Jared from everyone else.

“I guess I’ll see you,” Jared murmurs, pulling Jensen from his reverie as he opens the door.

“Yeah,” Jensen agrees, watching as Jared steps out into the cooling night air before reaching out and wrapping his fingers around Jared’s wrist. “Wait…”

He pulls Jared into him, presses their bodies flush together, bring his lips down to Jared’s.

It’s a quick brush of lips, so fleeting it’s almost as though it wasn’t there at all. And then he’s doing it again, draws it out a little longer before pulling back, pulling away.

“Goodnight, Jared,” he mumbles.

“Night, Jensen,” Jared whispers as he turns on his heel, steers himself in the direction of his house. It’s only when he’s behind the closed door of his room that he lets his fingers brush over his lips.

 

 

~ ~ ~

 

Jensen can’t sleep. Too many thoughts, too many ideas whirling around in his head, keeping him awake. He gives up, pads across his bedroom floor to the small desk he keeps in the corner underneath one of the windows, plops himself down in the chair and boots up his computer.

He’s used to late nights, used to inspiration hitting him at the oddest times, sometimes inconvenient times. Tonight though, tonight he feels something close to hope and knows without a doubt that this is how Dean must be feeling right now, or at least it’s what he’s going to feel once he gets it all down.

He opens up the document, begins writing and knows the moment his fingers touch the keys that the feeling is going to be fleeting. It’s only a matter of time before the fallout will present itself.

He just doesn’t know when.

Its hours later when Jensen saves his progress and crawls back into bed, and this time drifts off easily.

 

 


	5. This Road is Bumpy and I'm Going to Fall

In the days that follow, they spend a lot of time together and though there isn’t a repeat performance of that night, Jared doesn’t let himself be too disappointed. Not even when Jensen reverts back to his usual self, subtly keeping himself at distance when he remembers too, leaving Jared only with the memory of Jensen’s lips on his as a reminder that it had happened at all.

They’re making progress though, little things at all. Casual touches that become more frequent, even deliberate and the more time they spend together, Jared finds himself opening up more and more each time. He tells Jensen things he’s never really told anyone while still managing to keep certain things to himself.  He can see that Jensen is doing the same and the realization has him thinking that maybe the baggage they carry isn’t so different, not at the core.

There’s still more he wants to tell Jensen, wants to let him in on, but so far the timing has never been right and maybe it will never be right. How does he bring it up then? Does he blurt it out, hope Jensen understands, doesn’t pity him? He doesn’t think he could deal with the pity.

For now, he’s more than content to just simply hangout with Jensen, the heavier stuff will come when he’s ready, when he really knows.

They don’t always do stuff, actually most days they end up lazing on Jensen’s couch as he taps away at his laptop and Jared, he fiddles around with Photoshop on his own. Other times, they’ll journey outdoors and Jared will show some of the places he hung out during high school.

He hasn’t taken Jensen to the clearing yet, but he will. Soon.

They’re out in Jensen’s backyard, enjoying the evening when Jensen explains to him all the things he eventually wants to do with the space. Spruce it up with some yard furniture, a barbeque, that maybe he’ll even try his hand at gardening. Tells Jared about the dog he wants to get one day, preferably from a shelter, a rescue, when he as a little more time.

When he’s a little more settled.

“Really?” Jared asks, perking up at the word. “I’ve always wanted a dog.”

“Then why don’t you have one?”

Turning to face Jared, he gives him a curious grin and pulls them both down onto the grass. It’s not exactly comfortable, but seeing as he’s yet to make good on those yard plans, it’ll have to do for now.

Jared shrugs his shoulders as he crosses his legs underneath him, picks at a blade of grass. “No one’s ever home enough,” he explains. “Mama works a lot and with me in school all the time, it just wouldn’t be fair.”

Understanding, Jensen nods his head. “I never had one either,” he offers and it’s a little light into Jensen’s life that Jared hasn’t glimpsed at yet. “My family… they’re very religious and it was like nothing existed outside of that.”

“Oh,” Jared murmurs, not really knowing what to say. “I’m… that must have sucked.”

Jensen shrugs his shoulders, playing it off like it’s no big deal.  “It was what it was,” he tells Jared, detaching himself for the situation a little. It’ like what he just said, it was what it was and there’s no point in dwelling on it, not anymore.

Jared reaches out, takes Jensen’s hand in his own and pulls them back into they’re lying flat on their backs, staring up at the never ending sky. He could have offered him a little piece of himself in return, let him in a little further but truth be told, he isn’t ready, no matter how much he may want to.

When Jensen’s hand tightens again his own, he smiles.

“I used to do this for hours,” he murmurs, “stare up at the sky. Mama would scold me, tell me to get my butt inside to put on some sunscreen if I was going to do it.”

He trails off, remembering. It had been an escape of sorts, he realizes now. “I used to wish for the sky to swallow me up.”

“How come?” Jensen asks as he untangles his hand from Jared’s to roll over onto his side.

“Things weren’t always easy,” he admits. “Especially back then.”

Frowning, Jensen leans up on his elbow, absently brushes the bags out of Jared’s eyes. They flutter closed against his touch. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Yes,” Jared replies. “Just not right now.”

“I’m here whenever,” Jensen mumbles.

Leaning down he presses his lips gently to Jared’s cheek.  

 

~ ~ ~

 

It’s a little unsettling how easy it is to let Jared in, give him little pieces of himself that he’s never given to anyone before but the little look that Jared gives him makes it all worth it. And Jared, he gives just as much in return, lets Jensen in just as far. He’s not exactly sure when it happened, or how, but he’s managed to develop some serious feelings for Jared. He wouldn’t go as far as to say he loves Jared, though he figures the big L word isn’t that far off.

As he watches Jared make the quick jog back over to his own house, Jensen feels that little bit of uncertainty that knotted his stomach loosen, dissolve. Wherever this thing with Jared is going, he’s ready to let it happen. He’s happy, really and truly happy.

And unlike Dean, he isn’t waiting for the bottom to fall out from underneath him.  Not yet.

Closing the door, he catches a glimpse of his lawn and shakes his head. He let it go again, and this time he can’t blame his writing, not fully.  He slides his phone out of his pocket, pulls up Jared’s number and before he can second guess himself, because he really does need to work tomorrow okay?, he sends Jared a text.

_I think my lawn needs mowing._

The reply is almost immediate.

_I’ll be over tomorrow bright and early. ;)_

_Make coffee before you wake me up._

_*insert eyeroll* Goodnight Jensen._

_‘Night Jared._

And then almost as an afterthought he sends:

_What do you want for your bday?_

_…You ;)_

Jensen’s eyes widen at the words boldly displayed on the screen. Sure, the sexual tension surrounding them is all but palpable, even unmanageable some days, but seeing it so… thrown out there makes his skin hot.  With trembling fingers he shoots back:

In your dreams.

He doesn’t wait for a reply, instead switches off his phone and feels a little smug about having the last word.  Moving over to his laptop, he boots it up and begins the tedious task of responding to emails before opening up his word document and picking up where he left off with Dean earlier.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Jared doesn’t often make it a habit to be up before the sun, not if he doesn’t have to, today just happens to be an exception.

As he watches the colours in the sky give way to blue, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel, some country tune playing in the background, he knows there’s nowhere else he would rather be than driving down slowly waking streets, on his way to get Jensen coffee.

Jared rolls down the window, lets the warm morning breeze filer through and play against his skin. It reminds of him Jensen’s barely there touches, the ones that drive him crazy, make him want, yearn. He’s holding back, they both are and as much as he sometimes wants to push, he can tell there’s something vulnerable about Jensen. A vulnerability that he recognizes in himself sometimes.

So Jared’s more than willing to wait.

This thing with Jensen isn’t like anything he’s ever experienced before, had before. With Tom, things had been easier, a little forced on his part yes, but he had known from the start how it was all going to play out. Now, the road underneath him is smooth, a little bumpy in places sure, and a whole lot scary. It’s worth it though, it has to be.

With Jensen things may not be easy, a whole lot frustrating, but he’s being honest their relationship is being built on a new foundation, one that isn’t so burdened or chiseled away at. He’s stronger now than he had been back then.

Back then he had been looking for destruction and as much as he hates to admit it, he had found just that in Tom.

Good looking and naïve enough to buy into the pretty little lies that Jared weaved in an attempt to mask his pain.

Tom had been nothing more than convenient, a warm body when he’d needed one but never a shoulder, never a confidant. And when it all came to an end, it didn’t fizzle out, it exploded, shattering pieces the pieces of Tom’s heart because he had been so goddamn selfish, too wrapped up in himself to see what was going on around him, to notice that Tom was falling and hard.

 

It isn’t Jared’s proudest moments and even still, a year later, he hates himself for it.

Jensen isn’t going to be another repeat of his past mistakes and that’s a fact. He may not be fully absolved of his sins, may even still carry his own share of baggage, but he’s not the same person he was when it happened, or rather after it happened.

Jensen is different, more than a pretty face littered with freckles.  Jensen makes him feel good, confident and he knows, just by looking at Jensen, that Jensen feels the same. That all the things Jensen is doing for him, he’s doing for Jensen.

Signalling, he pulls into the little coffee shop across from Jared’s old high school, lets his thoughts shift to his dad.  It’s not often that he lets himself think of Gerald, the man who hadn’t been man enough to stick around, who instead had chosen to walk out not only on him, but his mama as well.

He hates knowing that he had been the reason for his dad’s quick departure, hates that he’s also part of the reason his mama cried herself to sleep at night for weeks.

And it doesn’t matter how many times he’s been told that it wasn’t his fault, he didn’t believe it, doesn’t, not really.

The wound his dad left behind is one that has never really healed, only scabs.

He sighs as he shuts off the engine and pockets his keys. It hurts, of course it does, and some days it’s a fresh as though it happened yesterday. His dad took something with him when he left and for the first time Jared feels like he might be getting it back. Maybe, just maybe, he can finally start believing the things his mama’s always telling him.

Feeling a little bit lighter, Jared makes his way into Sam’s Coffee Shop with a spring in his step that falters the moment the door closes behind him.

Standing at the counter, back towards Jared, is Tom. Tom who had transferred to a school across town just to get away from him. He swallows hard, considers turning around, has his hand on the door to do just that when Tom turns and blue eyes meet his.

Cornered and not sure what else to do, he gives Tom a tentative smile.

“Hey,” he mutters, embarrassed, guilty.  

Tom’s hand tightens around his coffee cup, posture stiffening as his gaze roams over Jared, studying. Taking a deep breath, he forces himself to relax. Mumbles, “Hi.”

It’s awkward, painfully slow. Lies, heartbreak and confusion stand between them, something that they both know can’t be fixed with a simple apology. Probably couldn’t be fixed anyways.

The silence stretches, the tension palpable, both of them fighting an inner battle of who should break it first.

It’s Tom who decides to bite the bullet.

“How’ve you been?” he asks.

“Uh,” Jared says, scratching at the back of his beck, “good. How about you? You still going to California?”

“Yeah,” Tom chuckles, tension easing away ever so slightly. “I leave next week.”

“That’s awesome,” and he’s surprised to find he really, really means it. Why wouldn’t he?

On the times that he had actually listened to Tom talk, like really listen, California had been something that Tom couldn’t shut up about. “I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks Jared,” Tom says. “But I should go. Uh… I’ll see you around.”

Jared nods his head, watches Tom push out the door, and sighs as he takes some of the guilt Jared’s been carrying around with him.

Stepping up to the counter, he places his order, suddenly more eager than ever to see Jensen.

 

~ ~ ~

Jensen smells coffee, delicious, mouth-watering coffee that most certainly didn’t come from his kitchen. With a soft moan he opens his eyes slowly, lets his vision settle as Jared’s face comes into view and he smiles, slow and blinding.

“Hey,” he murmurs as he pushes himself up on his elbow, reaches out for the coffee Jared’s offering him. “When did you get here?”

“About ten minutes ago,” Jared answers easily, delighted with the way Jensen’s eyes widen and the grip on his coffee loosens dangerously.

“What?” Jensen balks.

Jared shrugs as he lowers himself to sit down beside Jensen. “Just wanted to see how long it would take for the smell of coffee to wake you up.” He gives Jensen a crocked grin. “I was going to give you another five before I woke you up.”

“Ah,” Jensen says with a nod of his head, like everything Jared just said made perfect sense. He pulls himself up into a sitting position, sips at his coffee carefully and lets out another small moan. “This is fucking delicious.”

“Of course it is,” Jared exclaims, “it’s Sam’s coffee.” He watches as Jensen drinks slowly, eyes closed as though he’s savouring every damn sip. Which from the little sounds he’s making, he totally is.

“Well,” he says, “I should probably get at your lawn, before it gets too damn hot outside.”

“I’ll make breakfast,” Jensen offers, thinking it’s really only fair.

Jared only shakes his head.

“No,” he chuckles. “I know you have work to do. I grabbed a bagel before heading over here anyways. Plus,” and there’s a gleam in his eyes that Jensen knows all too well, “I just want to do this.”

He leans in slowly, lips pressing to Jensen’s. “I’ll see you after.”

Jensen watches as Jared disappears down the hallway, waits for the sound of the front door closing before rolling out of bed and pulling on a pair of loose sweatpants. He considers showering quickly but turns it down in favour of grabbing his laptop and heading out into the living room. He’ll get in a couple hours of writing as he waits for Jared to finish up and then he’ll make them both an early lunch.

Satisfied with his plan he folds his legs underneath him on the couch, opens up his laptop. However, instead of opening up his word document he opens up an internet browser, finds himself searching possible birthday present ideas for Jared.

He’s had a few things come to mind but none of them had seemed right. That is until he finds himself on Nikon’s web page and browsing through various high end cameras.

The options are plentiful and Jensen’s not even sure where to begin. He scours the reviews, weighs the pros and cons of each until his eyes begin to blur and he minimizes the page. It’s clear he’s going to need some help, yet how’s he going to get it? It’s not like he can bring it up to Jared, it would defeat the purpose.

It’s only as he’s opening up a word document that he thinks of Danneel, his friend and editor and he all but jumps for his phone. If anyone knows anything about cameras, its Danneel and her amazing side photography that she swears up and down is nothing more a hobby. Which, he muses as he pulls up her number, is a damn shame but also a major plus for him because no one has ever believed in him as much as she did- does.

“Danneel, its Jensen,” he says when she picks up on the second ring. “I have a question for you.”

 

~ ~ ~

By the time Jared’s finished with Jensen’s lawn its well past ten o’clock and it’s hot as balls outside. No, really it is, he can feel the sweat dripping down him in rivulets and though he really should go home and shower first, he finds himself opening the door to Jensen’s house. The air is cool here, causing his skin to break out in goose-bumps as he kicks off his shoes.

“Jensen?” he calls out, hand wiping at the moisture on his forehead.

“Kitchen,” Jensen calls out.

Heading in that direction, Jared feels his pulse pick up speed and he wonders if it will always been like this. He really hopes so. He finds Jensen at the stove, hair still mussed up and sweats hanging pleasantly off of tapered hips. It’s only when his gaze drifts away from Jensen that the smell of bacon hits him, causing his mouth to water and his stomach to growl - loud enough for Jensen to hear.

“Guess someone worked up an appetite,” Jensen remarks, turns away from the stove to glance at Jared and feels his stomach muscles tighten in response, bacon crackling behind him.

Fuck, he thinks, rolling his lip through his teeth. Jared looks like sin, golden skin slicked with sweat and basketball shorts hanging a little too low for comfort, t-shirt clinging to him like a second skin. He can feel the heat pool in his belly, can feel the way his cock gives an interested twitch. He forces himself to look away, turn back to the stove.

“Grab something to drink,” he says, voice thick. He rolls his eyes.

Jared pulls a bottle of water from the fridge, before coming to lean against the counter closest to Jensen, watches the way he flips the bacon with more concentration that the task warrants. And since he’s still feeling a little bold from yesterdays’ text message and this morning’s kiss, he tugs at the hem of his t-shirt, pulls it up to wipe at his face.

There’s no missing the way Jensen’s eyes track the movement. Jared can’t help the smug satisfaction that rolls through him.  

Deciding to press his luck a little further, he opens the bottle of water, dips his head back and drinking deeply.  Even with his eyes closed, Jared can feel Jensen watching him.

“So good,” he breathes as he recaps his water. “It’s really hot out there.”

“Jesus Christ,” Jensen mutters harshly, returning his attention to the bacon in front him, cursing in frustration when he notices the burning edges. He makes a mental note to give Jared those pieces before switching off the element.

“You okay, Jen?” Jared asks cheekily, grinning when Jensen glares at him.

“Sit down Padalecki,” Jensen tells him as he grabs two plate from the cupboard.

“Bossy,” Jared laughs with a cluck of his tongue but does as he’s told. “I like it.”  

“You haven’t seen bossy,” Jensen replies and Jared feels himself grow hot.

And as if sensing Jared’s quickly faltering cockiness, Jensen winks at him. “Now shut up and eat.”

Blushing Jared ducks his head as he plucks a piece of bacon off his plate. He tries to ignore the way his body reacted to Jensen’s comment but it’s next to impossible. He feels like he’s fourteen again and it’s slightly embarrassing.

“So,” Jensen says easily, “do you have any plans for your birthday?”

Jared shrugs his shoulders, relieved to move on to safer topics. “Not really,” he answers. “Usually everyone just comes on over and mama cooks.  Nothing special. You’re going to come right?”

“Yeah,” Jensen murmurs. “Wouldn’t miss it.”

“Good,” Jared grins Finishes off his breakfast, he pushes his plate aside. “I should probably go home and take a shower.”

“Maybe,” Jensen chuckles as he makes a show of wrinkling his nose. “Because now that you mention it….”

“Shut up,” Jared huffs as he pushes to his feet. “You love it.”

“Oh yeah,” Jensen agrees, “Because smelly men are my favourite.”

“Nah,” Jared says as he takes a step towards Jensen, places himself in Jensen’s personal space. “I think I’m your favourite.”  He lets his eyes fall to Jensen’s lips before lifting them back to his eyes.

Jensen can see the question in Jared’s eyes, knows that Jared is waiting for permission, and instead of giving him an answer, he closes the remaining distance between them. Jared’s hard against him, all lean muscle and he’s taller than Jensen, enough that he has to tip his head up slightly to capture Jared’s mouth with his own.

It’s different than the cautious brush of lips they’ve shared and it takes a couple seconds for his muddled brain to realize that it’s because neither of them are holding back. They’re letting go, giving in and drinking their fill. Little gasps are swallowed, licked away, devoured.

Jared’s lips are soft, unyielding, enough to get drunk on. And he does, grips at Jared’s shirt and plunders deeper. He’s got Jared’s shirt bunched up in the back, one had roaming the exposed skin when he feels rather than hears Jared’s muffled laughter against his mouth.

Confused, a little offended, he eases back with a frown. “What?” he asks.

God, Jared hates himself for laughing, could pretty much kick himself from ruining probably the best moment of his life but he couldn’t help it. Not when… he covers his mouth with his hand in an attempt to hold back another bubble of laughter.

“My kissing that bad?” Jensen asks in amusement, watching as Jared struggles to compose himself.

Jared shakes his head, fighting for calm, but only ends up making himself laugh more. “Oh, Jensen, God no.” He takes a deep breath, feels his body relax some. “It’s just… your beard kinda tickled me.”

Jensen hadn’t been expecting that and he stands there, mouth hanging open in shock as his brain tries to process what Jared said. When he does, there’s no stopping his own laughter.

He shoves at Jared. “You’re an ass.”

“I know,” Jared agrees, shoving Jensen back before pulling him back in and planting a hard kiss on his lips. “But you like my ass.”

Jensen rolls his eyes. “Go home and shower.”

“Fine,” Jared huffs, stepping out of Jensen’s embrace. “I’ll see you later.”

With a shake of his head Jensen watches him go.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Unfortunately hanging out with Jensen results in Jared getting a little neglectful about his chores around the house, which, in turn, results in him spending the days leading up to his birthday playing catch up. He tackles all the big things first, like sanding and repainting the front porch, manages to con Chad into helping him, knocking a day off a two day job. By the end of it, his muscles are aching, but the smile his mama gives him makes it worth it. The plate of cookies didn’t hurt either.

When Jared’s birthday arrives, he’s pretty much exhausted and has no intentions of getting out of bed until at least late afternoon.

Chad puts a damper on that plan by barging into his room as though the whole damn house is about to collapse around them and it’s barely ten a.m.  Groaning in protest he rolls over, buries his face into his pillow in a poor attempt to block out not only the sunlight now pouring in through his window, but Chad as well.

It’s really too bad that Jared still hasn’t learned that Chad is an unstoppable force and it’s really too fucking bad that he’s kind of too wrapped up in his blankets to kick the guy in the crotch for jumping on his damn bad like an idiot.

“Break my bed,” he warns his best friend, “and mama will kill you.”

“Whatever,” Chad throws back, “she loves me more than you anyways.”

“I’m sure,” Jared mutters as he pushes Chad off the bed and struggles into a sitting position, cursing when the blankets only end up getting more twisted up underneath him in the process. “The fuck you doing here so early anyways?”

“It’s your birthday, obviously,” Chad says as he begins to bounce on Jared’s bed again. “And it’s time for you to get the fuck up.”

“Why?” Jared demands as he watches Chad with a mix between annoyance and amusement. “It is my birthday after all. I’m allowed to stay in bed as long as I want.”

“Not this year, now get up. The rest of the group will be here shortly,” Chad tells. “Mama P’s about to make brunch and she wants to know if Jensen will be joining us.”

Rolling his eyes at Chad’s eyebrow wiggle, Jared tosses a pillow at him. “Get out,” he mutters. “Tell mama I’ll find out.”

Chad closes the door behind him and Jared reaches for his phone, quickly pulls up Jensen’s number, and bites down on his bottom lip as he types out a text. He doesn’t like the possibility of interrupting Jensen if he’s writing, feels guilty knowing that he takes up enough of Jensen’s time.

Want to come for brunch? Maybe… spend the day with me if you’re not busy?

He stares at his phone for a full minute before dropping it and rolling out of bed. He might as well start getting dressed as he waits for Jensen’s reply.

He pulls on a pair of black board shorts, a plain white V-neck tee and glances at his reflection in the mirror in his closet, grabs an elastic off his nightstand and pulls his hair back into a small ponytail.

When he’s deemed his appearance good enough that he pads his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth quickly. He’s just in the middle of rinsing out his mouth when the sound of his phone going off has him bolting from the bathroom.

Told you I would.  I’m coming up.

Grinning Jared slips his phone into his pocket and turns to head downstairs, stopping short when he finds Jensen leaning against his door. He’s wearing navy blue bermuda shorts that does wonders for him and a fitted black tee that only serves to drive Jared a little crazy, surprise, surprise. And God, he’s giving Jared that look that lights a fire in his belly.

“Hi,” he breathes as they continue to stand there.

“Hi,” Jensen murmurs, pushing off the door to stand in front of Jared. “Happy birthday Jared.”  He places a hand on Jared’s hip, drags him closer so that they’re flush against each other before pressing his lips against Jared’s.

The brush of lips over Jared’s is tender, slow, a whispered promise for more. It makes him wan to press in tighter, plunge in head first but they can’t, not here, not now.  Not with his mama and friends waiting for him, for them, downstairs.

“We should probably go join everyone,” Jensen whispers, forehead pressed against Jared’s, “before Chad comes upstairs looking for us.”

“Chad’s harmless,” Jared says as he grabs Jensen’s hand, linking their fingers together.

“I don’t believe you,” Jensen laughs, letting himself be led down the stairs. “He seems pretty….intense.”

“He’s something, alright,” Jared says, kisses Jensen again, “but I’ll protect you.”

“I’m counting on it.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

Jensen gets along easily with Jared’s friends, sliding into their easy banter as effortlessly as they’re dishing it out. They’re warm, funny and incredibly welcoming. Jensen’s grateful for that. He watches them interact, listens as they tell stories that go way back, can see the solid unit they are and he’s in awe and thankful that Jared has that in his life. Friends like that can get you through anything. It’s something he knows firsthand.

When he feels Jared’s hand on his thigh he glances away from Sandy, who is telling them all a very riveting story about how she turned down James Lafferty, to look at Jared.

He’s struck again but how stupidly gorgeous he is, with his captivating hazel eyes and dimples and without even realizing it, he’s kissing Jared because suddenly he can’t imagine not doing anything but this.

The cat-calling and whistles have him pulling back, heat makes its way into his cheeks.  “Woops,” he chuckles softly, smiling shyly at the rest of the group, but there’s no missing the way Jared’s mama is looking at them. He’s really not sure what to make of it either but then she’s joining in on the teasing and Jensen feels himself begin to relax again.

The rest of the day goes by in a blur of presents, cake and enough laughter to have his stomach muscles hurting and by the time everyone’s gone, it’s well past midnight.  He’s helping Jared’s mama finish up the last bit of cleaning when he feels arms wrap around his waist. He leans back into the touch, hums slightly as he tosses out the rest of the trash.

“Hey,” he says quietly.

“Hey yourself,” Jared murmurs, voice vibrating against his neck.

“Did you have a good birthday?” Jensen asks as he turns in Jared’s arms, wraps his own around Jared’s neck.

“Yeah,” Jared smiles, “I did. But I think you forgot something.”

“Oh?” Jensen ask, brow raising. He likes pretending that he doesn’t know what Jared is taking about.

Jared leans in, breath hot against Jensen’s ear. “My birthday present.”

Chuckling Jensen eases back and out of Jared’s arms. “No, I didn’t,” he tells Jared. “I left it at home. But I think we should help your mama finish cleaning first.”

Groaning, Jared nods his head.

It’s not much longer before everything is back in working order and Sharon is pushing them out the door.

“Night mama,” Jared says as he ducks shyly to hug Sharon.

“Night Ms. Padalecki,” Jensen murmurs.

“It’s Sharon,” she tells Jensen as she pulls Jensen down into an awkward hug. “You take care of my boy.”

“I will,” Jensen replies and takes it as a good sign when she presses her lips to his cheek before stepping back.

“You boys behave,” she says before pushing them out the door and locking it behind her, causing Jared to glance at him nervously.

“I guess that means she’s not expecting me back tonight.”

Jensen shrugs, smiles coyly at Jared. “I think we can find something to do to keep ourselves occupied.”

“I’m not watching another horror movie,” Jared says quickly, blushing when he realizes how stupid that sounded, how young.

Jensen rolls his eyes, tugs Jared down the porch steps and down the driveway. “I think I had something else in mind entirely.”

“Oh.”

Inside Jensen’s house, Jared shoves his hands into his pockets and he rocks back on his heels. “So where’s my birthday present?” he asks, an attempt to alleviate some of the building tension.

“Uh, kind of left it in my room. Was in a rush this morning,” Jensen explains, not wanting Jared to think he’s expecting anything, but wanting it nonetheless.  

He flicks on the light as he steps into the room, and suddenly nervous, fidgets before rounding to his side of the bed. “If you don’t like it,” he tells Jared, “it’s fine.”

“I’m sure I’ll like it, Jensen,” Jared says softly as he moves closer to Jensen.

“Me too,” Jensen chuckles, “at least, I think you will.” Leaning down, he pulls out a wrapped box from underneath a pillow and hands it Jared. “Guess it’s kind of a happy belated birthday present now.”

Taking the box Jared lowers himself down on the bed and slowly unwraps it. He hears the pounding of his own heart in his ears, has to force his hands not to tremble. He knows that whatever’s inside, Jensen put a lot of thought into it because that’s what Jensen does. He never does anything half assed, not his writing, not anything and that’s one of the first things he ever learned about him.

But the moment the wrapping is off and he’s staring at the thing in his hands, he can’t believe that Jensen got him this. Yet the more he stares the more he realizes he should have, because Jensen listens.

Jensen got him a camera, a really expensive camera that Jared’s been waiting for ages and he has no fucking words for the enormity of it all.  He places the box on the bed carefully and pushes himself to his feet and into Jensen’s personal space. The impact of it has them crashing into the nearest wall, knocking the breath out of them.

He nips, bites and drags Jensen’s lip through his teeth, hands gripping and pulling at every bit of Jensen he can get his hands on. He loses himself in Jensen until the room around them blurs and fades out until there’s nothing but the two of them and their heavy breathing.

“Fuck,” he moans against Jensen’s lips, hands trailing down his torso to grip at the hem of his shirt, pulls away long enough to pull the shirt up and off before his mouth is back on Jensen’s.

It’s nothing but tongues and teeth now and Jared feels like he’s going to explode. “More,” he says, “more.”

“Fuck yes,” Jensen groans as he pushes himself off the wall, misjudges the strength behind it and they end up falling to the floor in breathless laughter. “Sorry.”

“S’okay,” Jared mumbles, before pulling Jensen on top of him. “Like this.”

Drowning in each other, they move together impatiently, needing in a desperate frenzy that leaves them both reeling. There’s no finesse in their movements now, it’s all hands and grinding hips and jesusfuckingchrist it’s so good.

Jensen’s hands slide down Jared’s body, grip his hips almost painfully as he presses himself down against Jared, hard enough to make them both whimper.

“Fuck, Jensen,” Jared gasps, head falling back, teeth digging into his bottom lip. He can feel his orgasm building, feel it deep down in his toes and his own thrusting hips pick up their pace. “Faster.”

“Jesus,” Jensen groans, placing his hands on either side of Jared’s head. It no longer matters that they’re still half clothed and about to get off like a bunch of horny teenagers, granted Jared is a teenager and fuck, why is he thinking about that now?

Pushing it away, he focuses on the now, on Jared and how he’s looking at Jensen with lust filled eyes and swollen lips. He rotates his hips, changes up the direction and starts off slow, teasing Jared into a muttering mess that leaves him harder than he’s ever been.

“C’mon, Jensen,” Jared encourages, hands sliding down Jensen’s back to grip hiss firmly in his hands.

It’s the only encouragement Jensen needs.

He gives Jared what he wants, takes them both to places they’ve never been and when they come, body’s trembling and sweat slick, it’s enough to have  their vision whitening, blurring for a glorious minute before things calm, settle.

“So tell me,” Jared asks, still breathless, “are you as kinky as the characters you write about?”

“I think you’re about to find out.”

 

 


	6. We're Perfect Together, You'll See

There’s something about the way look Jared is looking at him, with his little half smile and heavy lidded gaze that makes something in Jensen break free, a little bit at a time. Something that has him pulling Jared to his feet and leading him back to the bed. He wants to see all of Jared, needs to feel nothing but skin against skin and he wants it all right now.

Kissing along Jared’s jawline, Jensen runs his hands down Jared’s side, fingers digging into the fabric of his tee before pulling it over his head and tossing it to the floor. He steps back, lets his eyes roam of the expanse of Jared’s chest and feels himself slowly begin to harden.

Jared’s gorgeous, of course he is, but seeing him like this, in the dim light of his bedroom, Jensen is realizing just how much. He’s all miles of flawless, honey toned skin, still defining muscle and abs that he can’t stop himself from running a hand down.

“Shit,” he breathes, bringing his eyes back to Jared’s.

Jared’s watching him, taking in every damn thing about Jensen. From the way he bites his lips, to the way his eyes drink Jared in greedily. He should feel on display, maybe even a little shy, but the moment Jensen looks at him nothing else matters, because he’s waited his whole damn life for someone to look at him like that. He feels like he’s the only person in the world right now and it’s pretty fucking intense.

A good intense.

“Jen,” he murmurs, hand reaching out to pull Jensen back to him but Jensen shakes his head.

“Want to see you,” Jensen says quietly, climbing on top of Jared, legs on either side of Jared’s hips. “Gotta see you.”

He captures Jared’s mouth again, easily gains access to the heat of Jared’s mouth, where he licks and sucks until he’s swallowing each and every one of Jared’s gasps. There’s patience behind every sweep of tongue that hadn’t been there before, a skill Jared hadn’t quite picked up on until right now. Jensen’s kissing him within an inch of his life and try as he might, he can’t focus on anything other than that, other than them.

 

Reaching up, he wraps his arms around Jensen, holds him tight enough that he can feel the beat of their hearts.

Pulling back, Jensen mouths along Jared’s jaw, works him up, drives him crazy to the point the he feels like he’s drowning, wave after wave of sensation crashing over him. When Jensen wiggles, Jared’s arms fall away, letting Jensen slide down his body, tongue finding one of Jared’s nipples and latching on.  

“Fuck,” he mutters, back arching up into Jensen’s mouth.

Each swirl of Jensen’s tongue has Jared’s hips lifting, has his hands reaching out blindly to clutch at anything. Jensen’s back, arms, hair, it doesn’t even matter at this point. He’s slowly going insane.

“Mm,” Jensen murmurs against heated skin, sliding further down the expanse of Jared’s body. “You like that?”

“Yes,” Jared whispers, fingers gripping at the blanket underneath him, having long since given up their hold on Jensen. Too much concentration, too much…..“Oh god, yes.”

Unbuttoning Jared’s shorts, Jensen slowly pulls them off, eyes never leaving Jared’s. He can see the way Jared’s breath catches in his throat, can see the way he wants to beg for more. Dropping the shorts to the floor, he begins to trail kisses up Jared’s legs, starting from his ankles and working his way up slowly to the inside of Jared’s thighs.

Jensen feels Jared tremble underneath him, feels the power the movement brings with it and he slows down, amps up the teasing until Jared is quivering. Jared doesn’t beg, not yet, but he’s going to. When he reaches the material of Jared’s boxers, he stills, lets his fingers slip underneath and play at the skin there.

Jared whimpers, drawing out a moan from Jensen.

“What do you want, Jared?” he asks, resuming his teasing as he nuzzles his face beside the hard length of Jared’s cock.

“I want you to,” Jared murmurs, tongue darting out to moisten his lips, “…I want you to fuck me.”

He should be nervous, and he is but each stroke of Jensen’s fingers soothes him, relaxes him.

“You want me here?” Jensen asks coyly, finger skirting down Jared’s still clothed dick to dip between his legs, press against Jared’s entrance. “Want me to spread you open?”

Jared struggles against the blush that threatens to bloom.  “Yes,” he replies, voice thick, a little unsteady because that’s exactly what Jensen does to him. Leaves him feeling unsteady.

Jensen slides Jared’s boxers off, lets them drop to the floor as he carefully settles between Jared’s legs. And because he has to know, needs to know, he meets Jared’s hooded gaze, asks, “Have you ever?”

Jared shakes his head, heart knocking against his chest. He should be embarrassed, is, actually but….. “No,” he murmurs. “I’ve… the other way but never this.”

Jensen nods his head, lets Jared’s words sink in as he slides back up Jared’s body, hands planting themselves on either side of Jared’s head. “We don’t have to do this,” he says, “if you’re not ready. We can…”

Jared shakes his head again. “No, I want this.”

“I’ll be careful.”

“I know.”

Jensen’s true to his word, his touches are careful, tender as he builds Jared up slowly, leaves him a quivering mess. He’s almost positive that he isn’t going to survive this, that he’ll die here and really, is there a better way to go? Blissed out of his mind, on the brink with every flick of Jensen’s fingers, tongue, sometimes both. Higher and higher he goes, ready to fall but always been held back. There’s nothing that could ever compare to this, no one could ever, will ever, take him apart so completely as Jensen does now. So much experience, so much patience, and it leaves Jared reeling, craving more. Leaves him needing faster.

“Jensen,” he pleads.

“Got you Jared,” Jensen tells him, voice muffled against him as he slips further between Jared’s legs, spreads them a little wider. Then his mouth is on Jared, quick testing licks that already has his taste buds exploding with the heady flavour of Jared. It’s intoxicating, addicting and he needs, wants, has to have more.

“Fuck,” Jared gasps, hips bucking. “Didn’t realize… it would be like that.”

“It can be even better.”

He presses his tongue flat against Jared’s entrance, marvels in the way Jared is so lax underneath him as pushing his way inside. He works Jared open slowly, feels him stretch underneath his fingers and tongue and Jensen’s pretty sure he hasn’t felt anything so incredible.

He pauses every now and then to murmur encouraging words to Jared as he goes, little so hot’s and so fucking tight Jay.

“God, Jensen,” Jared pants.  “Just… fuck me.”

“Yeah,” Jensen whispers, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as he pushes to his knees, positions himself in between Jared’s legs, pulls Jared closer to him.

“I’ll be slow.”

“Don’t care, Jen,” Jared mutters. “Just… fuck me.”

Placing his hands on Jared’s thighs, Jensen eases himself inside slowly. Jared’s impossibly tight, muscle gripping him like a vice and he has to pause just to catch his breath. “Fuck, Jared,” he groans, lets them both adjust before pushing the rest of the way inside.

It burns, of course it does, but it’s not long before it dissipates, turns into something a lot more like pleasure. He’s full, so fucking complete and Jensen’s not moving. God, he needs Jensen to move, like, yesterday. All it takes is an encouraging twist of his hips and Jared’s getting exactly what he wants.  

They move together perfectly, create a rhythm all their own, making each thrust of hips better than the last. Jared can’t think, can’t do much of anything other than feel and fuck, if he’d known it could be like this……

No, he thinks. It wouldn’t have been like this with anyone else.

He’s known right from the beginning that Jensen was different, and yet right now, that fact has never been more solidified than it is right now. Jared’s so very much in love with Jensen – with every part of him and it’s terrifying, exciting. Hooking his legs around Jensen’s waist, he picks up the pace and meets Jensen thrust for thrust.

They’re not perfect, far from it, but as Jensen drops his forehead against Jared’s, he thinks maybe they don’t have to be. He just hopes that Jensen feels the same.

Jared’s orgasm takes him by surprise, has his back bowing, his head eyes squeezing shut as the sounds of his cries fill the room, engulf them.

Jensen’s right there with him.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Jared wakes up the next morning wrapped around Jensen and not a clue as to what time it is. He shifts slightly, wincing at the ache he feels everywhere. It’s a good ache though, a reminder that what happened last night actually happened and Jared really couldn’t be happier. Letting his gaze fall to Jensen, he drinks him in. He’s seen Jensen like this before, seen the innocence on his face and the way he looks so peaceful but its’ different now, knowing that he’s allowed to look.

He leans in to press a quick kiss to Jensen’s cheek before rolling out of bed, careful not to wake Jensen. At least not without coffee first. Smirking he pads his way down the hallway and into the kitchen. Thankfully he knows where everything is and it’s not long before the smell of fresh coffee is surrounding him.

Pouring them each a cup, Jared lets his mind replay the highlights of last night. Whatever expectations he had going into this, well they had been shattered and then some. Jensen had, was, is, above and beyond anything he could have imagined. High marks all across the board. He would be lying though, if he said he hadn’t been a little bit surprised. Jensen’s always been so…. reserved, so to see him come out of himself like that, well it was nothing short of spectacular.

He’s anxious to do it, everything, all over again.

Grabbing the cups, he heads back in the direction of the bedroom and leaning against the doorframe, he lets his gaze mover over a sleeping Jensen. Drinks his fill until he’s fingers ache to touch. He steps into the room, sets down the coffee on the nightstand and crawls back into bed with Jensen, straddles his hips.

Jensen’s eyes flutter open as Jared leans down, trails a path of kisses up his neck, nibbling as he goes.

“Umph,” Jensen murmurs, hands coming up to rest on Jared’s shoulders, effectively stopping his progress. “S’doing?”

“Waking you up,” Jared chuckles, shoving Jensen’s hands away and continuing on his path.

Jensen stops him again.  “Early, Jay,” he explains.

“It’s almost noon, actually,” Jared tells him, leaning back and folding his arms across Jensen’s chest.

“So?” Jensen ask. “Coffee first.”

Rolling off of Jensen, he folds his legs underneath him and reaches for the coffees. He hands one to Jensen. “Here you go grumpy.”

“Whatever,” Jensen grumps, takes a drink. “S’good thanks.”

Jared shrugs his shoulders. “It’s not as good as Sam’s.”

“No, definitely not,” Jensen teases as he sets his cup back down on the nightstand.

Now that there’s caffeine in his system, it doesn’t take Jensen long to realize that Jared’s still naked, takes him even less time to realize that Jared had been in his kitchen naked. And really, that appeals to him more than the coffee. Fuck. He thinks about the writing he still has to do, the deadline that is slowly creeping up on him and for some insane reason finds himself willing to put it aside for another day.

And as much as he wants to keep Jared in his state of nakedness, he wants to do something with Jared too, something that involves getting out of bed, however comfy and tempting it might be.

Reaching out, he trails his fingers down Jared’s arms. “Wanna do something today?” he asks.

“Like?” Jared asks.

“Anything,” Jensen shrugs. “You can bring your new camera.”

“We can go to the clearing,” Jared suggests. “It’s gorgeous there and pretty much secluded, as long as we don’t tell Chad and everyone else we’re going.”

Raising his eyebrows, Jensen pulls Jared down next to him. “We won’t do that,” he chuckles. “But there’s something I definitely want to do before we go.”

Jared doesn’t get a chance to ask before Jensen’s lips are crashing down on his.

 

~ ~ ~

 

There is nothing but endless blue sky and dry heat as they make their way through brush and overgrown weeds, and though it is vaguely uncomfortable it does very little to ruin their good mood. Well, at least not Jared’s – Jensen on the other hand is cursing up a storm about how his shirt is stuck to him. Jared smiles as he pauses to take a couple pictures of Jensen, which of course only makes Jensen’s scowl deepen. He chuckles softly.

“We’re almost there,” Jared assures him as he hangs back, links his fingers with Jensen’s.

“You’re lucky you’re cute,” Jensen grumbles as he lets Jared lead him the rest of the way.

When the trees finally part and dirt gives way to sand, he finds himself momentarily speechless. He’s heard Jared talk about this place in passing, never more than a brief description that left him filling the rest of the blanks in himself- but standing here, he realizes that however Jared chose to describe this, nothing could compare to seeing it in person.

It’s gorgeous really, the sand so fine, the water clear enough to see the bottom and better yet, it’s private; secluded enough to make it appear as though they are the only two people in the world. Kicking off his flip-flops, Jensen slips his hands into the pockets of his shorts and breathes in the scent of the ocean.

“This place is amazing,” he tells Jared, turning to look at him. “Seriously.”

“Yeah,” Jared whispers as he lowers his bag. He brings his camera up to his face, puts Jensen in the view finder and takes picture after picture, struck by the sheer beauty of Jensen in every frame. He gets kind of carried away, doesn’t really realize it until Jensen’s looking at him with amusement.

He lowers the camera, cheeks burning. “Sorry,” he mumbles.

Jensen shakes his head as he tugs on Jared’s hand. “Don’t be,” he says, arm wrapping around Jared’s waist. “Take one of us too.”

Grinning Jared holds the camera out in front of them awkwardly, snaps a couple of pictures and Jensen surprises him by placing a noisy kiss to his cheek, making Jared’s heart skip, has him falling a little bit more.

They spend the rest of the afternoon simply enjoying themselves, touching ever so lightly and sharing quick, breathless kisses that leave them both satisfied, but with just the underlying need for more. And yet what continues to surprise them both are the little things that they continue to learn about one another, simple things, unimportant things and still they mean so much more than anything else.

Jared loves the way water drips from Jensen’s hair, the way it clings to his beard and the way the blue of the water make Jensen’s eyes an even more impossible shade of green. He loves the way his laugh echoes around them and how the corners of his eyes crinkle when he really smiles.

Jensen watches Jared too, files away his own little details for safe keeping. He may not know what the future will bring, but there isn’t a doubt in his mind, he’ll hold these memories close for a very long time.  He doesn’t want to forget the way Jared looks at him or the way his dimples deepen when he laughs at something Jensen’s said and he definitely doesn’t want to forget how Jared looks, soaking wet and hair plastered to his neck, because Jared is breathtaking.  Yet he’s more than that, he’s kind and genuine and so incredibly talented. He’s shy in ways that Jensen least expects him to be and so very bold in others.

He touches Jensen with meaning, with intent and at other times, with uncertainty- like he’s scared to cross some imaginary line in the sand. And God, Jensen so very much loves that about him, loves knowing that Jared is never going to push him too far; not without his permission.

So when Jensen catches Jared staring up at the sky, a slight frown between his brows, he feels comfortable enough to ask, “You ready to talk about it?”

Surprised Jared looks at Jensen, his thoughts momentarily forgotten as he considers Jensen’s words. He’s dodged all questions about his father for as long as he can remember, never fully opening up to anyone but his mama; but laying here with Jensen, he realizes that he’s never been more ready.

“Yeah,” he murmurs, eyes falling away from Jensen as he pulls himself into a sitting position, curls his legs underneath him. And when he struggles for the words, mouth opening and closing, Jensen reaches over to place an encouraging hand over his.

“Take your time.”

Jared gives him a small smile before taking a deep, soothing breath.  “Mama always told me it would get better,” he begins softly, “That, eventually, I would realize… that it wasn’t my fault he left us. I never believed her, of course. Not until recently.” He turns his hand over, clings to Jensen’s in an attempt to draw strength from him.

“When my dad left, my world fell apart. He took a piece of me with him the day he told me he couldn’t, wouldn’t, accept having a gay son. God Jen,” he whispers, “he told me I was filthy, disgusting and that he couldn’t even look at me anymore.  And mama, she cried, told him if he walked out that door he wasn’t welcome to come back.”

He shakes his head sadly, remembering the devastating look on his mama’s face as Gerald had stared at her blankly before picking up his suitcase and walking out the front door of the home they had built together. He can remember clinging to her, trembling and desperately wishing for the whole thing to be a really bad fucking dream.

“I listened for weeks as she cried herself to sleep and I hated the way she put on a brave face for me,” he murmurs, looking up from their joined hands to Jensen and when he sees nothing but understanding in his eyes, Jared feels himself begin to crumble. He lifts a hand up to his face, wipes away at the tears. “I kinda lost myself for a little bit after that and then I met Tom. He was sweet, ya know, handsome too. But there wasn’t anything there, not really, but I let him believe that there was until he was in deep enough for me to break his heart.”

He sighs, kicks at the sand.  “Definitely not my proudest moment,” he admits sadly.

Giving Jared’s hand a squeeze, Jensen stares out at the ocean with him.  “My family is very religious,” he murmurs after a while. “There’s no go gray areas, no room for discussion and I knew the moment I realized I was gay, that I wouldn’t be accepted. So I suppressed it, tried to fall in line with their beliefs, but as I got older I realized it isn’t that easy, that you can’t deny who you really are even though I tried really fucking hard.

“Eventually it all blew up in my face when I got caught with the pastor’s son in one of the confessionals. I guess neither of us had been being as quiet as we thought. But long story short, they couldn’t accept me either, wanted to send me away to get help and I refused to go. They kicked me out and I haven’t seen them since.” He pauses, bites down on his bottom lip more out of frustration than anything, surprised that after all this time it still gets to him.

“Well, I saw my mother not long after my first book was published but she only came to tell me that I was only embarrassing myself further and bringing my family shame. That’s all she came to say.”

He turns his gaze back to Jared’s then, waits for hazel eyes to meet his own. “So if there is anyone who understands better than anyone else what you went through, it’s me, and I need you to trust me when I tell you that it’s not your fault. It’s your father’s fault for not being able to accept you and it’s not you that’s missing out, it’s him. You’re a remarkable person Jared Padalecki and I’m sorry that your father is never going to get the chance to know that.”

“Me too,” Jared whispers quietly, threads his fingers through Jensen’s and holds on tightly.  He lets the silence drag out between them, uses the quiet to process everything and even though it’s impossibly heavy, he somehow feels lighter because of it. Finally, sitting beside him, is someone who really understands and it’s extremely comforting, even if he hates that Jensen had to go through that. “You told me before that you had a brother and a sister, do you still talk to them?”

“Just my brother Josh,” Jensen replies and Jared can hear the sadness in his voice. “He took me in when my parents kicked me out. He doesn’t talk to our parents much and from what he’s told me, he very rarely sees Mack.”

“They’re missing out, Jen,” Jared tells him firmly as he shifts closer to Jensen, fingers lifting to trail over Jensen’s jaw lightly. “You’re amazing and I wish they could see it, could see you the way I see you.”

Touched more than words could ever say, Jensen gives Jared a small, shy smile before leaning up to capture Jared’s mouth with his own. It’s soft, each press of lips saying everything they’re not ready to say and so much more. And when Jensen tilts his head, takes the kiss deeper he swallows Jared’s moan with a content sigh.

“Could do this all day,” he murmurs against the indent of Jared’s lips, pushing Jared back down against the side as his own body slots beside Jared’s perfectly.

Jared chuckles as he runs a hand along Jensen’s side, relishing in the way he shivers against his touch. “Same,” he agrees and licks his way into Jensen’s mouth, loses himself in the slide of tongues and gentle nips.

Eventually he pulls back, breathless and flushed. “So,” he asks and there’s slight teasing tone to his voice that Jensen doesn’t miss, “confessionals huh?”

Jensen rolls his eyes as he climbs on top of Jared, straddles his hips. “It was one time,” he tells Jared. He’s lying of course, he can count on both hands the number of times that he and the pastor’s son had gotten off in there. He’s not going to tell Jared that, though.

“I’m sure,” Jared laughs as he places his hands on Jensen’s hips, lets his fingers dig into the skin there. “Why don’t you take me home,” he suggests, “and show me this kinky side of yours.”

Jensen winks before leaning down to drag Jared’s bottom lip through his teeth. “Remember you asked for it, Padalecki.”

 

~ ~ ~

Jared didn’t go into this blind, not really. He knew that Jensen had some kinks and sure he’s basing this fact solely based on Jensen’s books, but he also has some real life facts to back it up as well. Like the way Jensen likes to be in control, the way he always leads the kissing and God, the way he touches Jared like he knows every goddamn part of him better than Jared knows himself. And still, knowing what he knew, he hadn’t really been expecting this.

This, this was torture in its sweetest form and he can’t get enough of it.

Each touch, each teasing flick of tongue drives him closer and closer to the edge but never quite managing to get there, not with Jensen constantly reeling him back. He wants to cry out in frustration, plead with Jensen but he can’t, not when Jensen’s earlier words keep replaying in his head.

You beg for it and I’ll stop. You touch me and I’ll stop.

Remember; you asked for this, Padalecki.

He can feel his legs begin to quiver, feel the sweat that’s slickening his skin and when Jensen’s body slides against his so effortlessly, Jared has to bite back a whimper. He’s body is on overload and he’s not sure how much more he can take. He aches, every glorious inch of him aches.

And when he thinks he can’t take anymore, Jensen’s mouth is against his ear, whispering all the right things.

“Doing great, Jay,” he praises, fingers pulling and twisting at Jared’s nipples. “Like you like this.”

He doesn’t take his eyes away from Jared’s as he works Jared’s nipples between his fingers, watches the rush of sensations wash over Jared’s face, takes in the slight part of Jared’s mouth and has to keep himself from leaning forward to lick his way inside. He wants to take every part of Jared, wants nothing more than to watch him fall apart, piece by piece and he wants to do it slowly.

He leans down, gives Jared’s taunt nipples a few teasing licks before moving down Jared’s body, pressing hot wet kisses against his skin as he goes. Jared’s on fire, can all but feel the heat radiating off of Jared and it’s exhilarating to know that he’s causing it, that he’s the reason Jared’s overheating.

  He moves in between Jared’s legs, thumbs brushing along the inside of Jared’s thighs as he makes himself comfortable.

Jared pants, desperation building inside of him. They’ve been at this for what feels like hours, Jensen sucking and teasing and it’s making him want to scream. He doesn’t, instead he takes it, curls his toes and digs deep for the patience he’s not sure he has. As far as he’s concerned, it’s a miracle he’s even made it this far he’s wound up so goddamn tight.

  He’s lost, borderline delirious that it takes his body a second to realize that Jensen’s mouth is closing down around him, tongue curling around the crown ad Jared is so fucking gone he couldn’t even tell you his name right now.

Each suctioning of Jensen’s cheeks drives him crazy and when his cock brushes the back of Jensen’s throat, there’s absolutely no stopping the way his lips lift off the bed. Jensen’s prepared for it, of course he is and Jared should have known he would be because all too quickly he’s being pinned down; left momentarily stunned by the strength behind the arm tossed across his midriff.

“Fuck,” he hisses, head dipping up and back into the pillow as he squeezes his eyes closed. It’s too much, way too. He reaches out, grips the sheets into his hands and holds on. “Jen.”

“You wanna come, Jared?” Jensen asks, pulling off with an obscene pop. “Want me to let you?”

“God,” Jared moans.

Jensen chuckles as he drags the pad of his thumb across the head of Jared’s cock, smearing spit and pre-come down the length as he lowers back down and sucks Jared back into his mouth. He takes Jared deep, takes him fast and doesn’t let up, not until Jared’s a withering mess above him.

He’s loud, so much louder than Jensen thought he would be, and fuck if that doesn’t spur him on more. Wrapping a hand around the base of Jared’s cock, Jensen grips him tightly as he trails the fingers of his free hand down between the mounds of Jared’s ass. There he teases Jared’s hole, feels the clenched muscle relax against his fingers- only then does he push a finger inside.

It’s slow, so fucking slow and Jensen relishes in the way the muscle grips him.

“So tight,” he murmurs, watches as his hand slowly begins to move up Jared’s shaft. He’s building Jared back up, moving his finger in time with his hand and he can all but see Jared’s orgasm written all his face. “You want it, Jay?”

Jared nods his head frantically having lost all ability to form a coherent thought let alone speak. All he knows is that he needs and if Jensen backs away this time, he’s surely going to die. But Jensen’s looking at him, his pace slowing and it doesn’t take him long to realize that Jensen is expecting him to answer, to vocalize what he wants and he swears to God that one day he’ll get his revenge.

“Need to,” he grunts, wincing slightly at the tension coiling in his belly, “need to come.”

Jensen leans forward, licks a stripe up Jared’s cock. “What do you say?”

It takes Jared’s mind a minute to process what Jensen just said, before he’s opening his mouth, panting out a desperate, “please.”

The moment the word is uttered, Jared’s whole world erupts around him. It’s all sensation and faster, Jen, faster and it’s embarrassing how quickly Jared’s toes are curling as he struggles to hold on for a little bit longer. He wants to stay in this blissed out torture pleasure forever, yet the moment Jensen flicks a thumb over the head of his cock, Jared’s done, coming with a cry.

“Jesus,” Jensen mutters as he leans forward, licks Jared clean. He’s never seen anything hotter and fuck if it doesn’t drive him a little bit crazy. When he feels Jared’s breathing begin to regulate, he slips his hands underneath Jared’s thighs to lift his legs up.  “Not done with you yet.”

He eases inside of Jared slowly, pausing briefly to let Jared adjust to his girth and ignores the stream of ohmygod, more, faster, harder. Instead he focuses on Jared, pushing his own needs aside and slowly brings Jared back to life.

He takes in every little detail about Jared as he begins to move, the way his eyes flutter open and closed and the little hitches of his breathing. And when Jared wraps his legs around his waist, pulls him deeper, Jensen crushes his mouth against Jared’s.

The kiss is heated, sloppy and there’s no comparing it to anything else. It’s just them and the messy tangle of tongues and swallowed gasps and it’s perfect.

“Jen,” Jared pants to Jensen’s mouth, nails digging into Jensen’s back.

“I know,” Jensen murmurs as he leans back, untangles Jared’s legs from around his waist and folds them back until they’re nearly touching Jared’s chest. “I know.”

His thrusts become slightly more sporadic after that, a little off kilter as he slowly picks up the pace, no longer able to be anything but rough.

It’s not long before the sound of Jared’s moans are echoing around them, drowning out the sound of skin slapping against skin.  Adjusting his hips, Jensen pushes in, grounds himself against Jared’s ass before pulling out and doing it all over again.

“So good,” he pants, fingers sliding against sweat slicked skin.

Jared moves with Jensen, finds the perfect rhythm between them and just rolls with it. It’s easy to forget about the world around them when they’re together like this, when Jensen is filling him up so completely, easy to pretend like this is all that matters. Maybe on some selfish level, it really is.

Placing his hands on Jensen’s forearms, Jared pushes against him, takes him deeper than he thought possible.

“Shit,” he whispers, eyes fluttering closed, teeth biting at his bottom lip.  “S’close Jen.”

“Don’t touch yourself,” Jensen murmurs, dropping Jared’s legs, letting them wrap back around him as he leans forward. “I want you to come just like this.”

He claims Jared’s lips in a punishing kiss, bites down on his lip hard as he rocks them closer and closer to the edge. And fuck, he can see how close Jared is, can feel it too and the way Jared begins to clamp down around him is a little more than he can stand.  He lets his hands find their way into Jared’s hair, grips a little harder than necessary as he rides himself through his orgasm, feels the slick wet heat of Jared’s own climax between them as the slide together, breathless and satiated.

They stay like that for a long time, waiting as their breathing slowly returns to normal and sweat damp skin begins to dry.  And if Jensen’s being completely honest, he really doesn’t want to move, like, ever. Unfortunately though, Jared begins to squirm underneath him, signalling that he’s probably getting a little heavy now that their bodies have calmed down. Chuckling softly he kisses the hollow of Jared’s neck and pulls out slowly, cursing at Jared’s slight wince.

“Sorry,” he mutters.

“S’okay,” Jared replies as he rolls over onto his side, throws an arm around Jensen’s chest and then as an afterthought he adds, “I need a shower.”

“Then let’s go, Padalecki,” Jensen laughs as he rolls out of bed, tugs Jared along with him. “I’m not exactly finished with you yet.” At Jared’s confused look, Jensen presses a quick kiss to his slightly pouted lips. “We got all night to show you just how kinky I can be.”

“What have I gotten myself into?” Jared asks in amusement, allowing himself to be dragged into the adjoining bathroom.

“Probably more than you bargained for,” Jensen tells him as he pulls open the glass doors to his shower and sets the water temperature to just right before gesturing to Jared to join him.  “You’ve got come all over you,” he murmurs and pulls Jared close.

“You’re one to talk, Jen,” he snorts, but let’s himself be pulled against Jensen’s chest anyways. It’s not too much of hardship, really. He finds he rather likes the way Jensen feels pressed up against him.  So much so, he can already feel his dick give an interested twitch.

“Insatiable,” Jensen jokes as he wraps his arms around Jared’s waist, pushes them both under the showerhead and swallows Jared’s surprised laughter.

It shouldn’t be possible how each kiss manages to top the last, but somehow it is. Each tangle of tongues, each teasing graze of teeth shakes the very foundation of Jensen’s life, leaving him reeling and hungry for more. It’s never enough, never can be.

Pulling back, Jensen eases them out from underneath the water and reaches for a cloth and body wash. “Gotta get you cleaned up,” he murmurs.

“Just to dirty me back up?” Jared asks, brow rising.

“Of course,” Jensen says as he begins to run the cloth down Jared’s chest.

Rolling his bottom lip between his teeth, Jared watches as Jensen washes him, lets his eyes flutter closed as his hand trials lower. It’s kind of overwhelming, having Jensen like this. It’s more intimate than he ever imagined it would be. But it’s incredible and he has to wonder how he managed to go without it for so long. Jensen’s more than his lover, he’s Jared’s best friend and really, he can’t picture sharing this with anyone else but Jensen.

Moaning softly he lifts his hands to Jensen’s shoulders, lets them slide slowly down his arms and commits every ripple of muscle to memory. Eventually he reaches out for the cloth in Jensen’s hands with a whispered, “It’s my turn,” barely falling from his lips before Jensen’s shaking his head and switching off the water.

“I don’t think so Jay,” he tells him and there’s no mistaking the husky undertone in his voice. It makes Jared shiver, has every nerve ending in his body suddenly very, very interested. “C’mere.”

Jared follows Jensen out of the shower, completely unprepared for the way Jensen rounds on him, bends him over the bathroom vanity. He’s breathless, confused yet the moment he hears knees make contact with floor, he’s completely caught up to what’s about to go down.  And even if he hadn’t, the feel of Jensen’s tongue against him would have been enough to clue him in pretty quickly.

“Fuck,” he hisses, hands gripping the edge of the vanity and holding on.

Each press of tongue, each squeeze of Jensen’s fingers leaves Jared breathless and hips desperately thrusting back, searching for more. He feels Jensen’s hands slide from the mounds of his ass to grip at his hips, holding him still and fuck there’s no stopping the whimper of protest that follows.

“Easy Jay,” Jensen murmurs.

There’s nothing that Jensen likes more than working Jared up, torturing him with quick, fleeting swipes of his tongue. He takes his time, works Jared’s already loose muscles until they’re clenching down around him, desperate for something more.

Moving his hands from Jared’s hips, Jensen spreads his legs further apart. “Little more,” he encourages as he leans in to bite at Jared’s ass. “So hot.”

Jensen continues to fuck Jared with his tongue, tortures him with barely there flicks of his tongue and it’s just enough to build Jared up to where Jensen wants him. He’s got Jared hanging on by a thread, waiting desperately for that final push that Jensen’s not going to give him- not yet anyways, not when the taste of Jared on his tongue is so intoxicating.

Sliding his hands from Jared’s hips, he spreads open the mounds of Jared’s ass, buries his tongue deeper inside hot wet muscle and revels in the way he can feel Jared begin to tremble. He knows without looking away that Jared’s gripping the vanity tightly, struggling to hold on to whatever remains of his sanity.

Jensen is so not finished playing with him.

“Jen,” Jared whispers, voice strained. He can feel the sweat that’s beginning to drip down his neck, his back and the quiver in his legs. He’s on fire, from head to toe.

Dropping his head down, he doesn’t fight back the whimper that bubbles up his throat. “Jesus fucking Christ,” he pants, hips pushing back against Jensen’s tongue. “I need…”

He doesn’t get a chance to finish the sentence before Jensen’s replacing his tongue with fingers.

Everything that comes after is a complete blur of more, more and now, please. Jared feels like he’s going to explode, so much so that when Jensen finally does help him over the edge, he’s just going to simply cease to exist. And really, he’d be okay with that. Death by epic orgasm, it could be worse.

Each slide of tongue, each thrust of Jensen’s fingers is incredible and Jared can’t really explain what he’s feeling right now. Elated, happy, euphoria.

“Jen,” he pants, “oh god, Jen.”

“Turn around, Jay,” Jensen murmurs as he slips his fingers from Jared and places his hands on Jared’s hips to assist him.  “So perfect.” And Jared really is, everything about him. From his overgrown hair, to his chiseled torso and his laugh that sometimes gets carried away. He adores every little fucking thing.

But there’s also a shallow part of him that’s kind of, maybe totally in love with Jared’s cock and maybe an even bigger part that can’t wait to get it in his mouth. Which is exactly why Jensen wastes no time at all in getting Jared where he wants him, hot and heavy on his tongue and jesusfuckingchrist he’s never going to get enough that.

“Jen,” Jared moans, hands sliding from the bathroom vanity to grip the back of Jensen’s head.

“Got you, baby boy,” Jensen assures him, swirls his tongue around the head of Jared’s cock before sinking all the way down. He feels Jared brush against the back of his throat, forces himself to stay still as he hums softly before easing his way back up.

He takes his time and knows it’s driving Jared crazy- if the way he’s tugging at his hair is any indication.

Jared doesn’t lead, doesn’t try to control the bobs of Jensen’s head, and just lets Jensen do whatever. It’s more of a turn on than Jared even realizes. So simply submissive that it makes Jensen painfully aware of the ache between his own legs.

Reaching down, he wraps a hand around his own cock and begins to stroke himself slowly.  Yet each bob of his head, each fucking pull of his hand has his own orgasm rapidly building and he wants to slow down, tap the fucking breaks but somehow his body gained control and it’s quickly becoming a losing game.

His sucks and licks become thicker, harder and the grip on his cock tighter and already he can feel the telltale signs in his body- and Jared’s too.

 

Jensen comes with a loud, drawn out moan that vibrates around Jared’s cock, triggering Jared’s own orgasm. Trembling, he hollows his cheeks and milks Jared for all he’s worth.

Hands falling away from the back of Jensen’s head, he grips at the vanity behind him and shakes his way through Jensen’s ministrations, panting harshly as Jensen swallows everything. It’s pretty much the hottest thing that he has ever seen, Jensen on his knees, lips wrapped around him, spit shined a pretty shade of pink.

“Fuck,” he groans when Jensen releases him and pushes to his feet. “That was…” But Jensen crushes his mouth to Jared’s, cutting off what he was about to say.

Jared can taste himself on Jensen’s tongue, thick and warm and it should probably gross him out, but it doesn’t. He wraps his arms around Jensen’s neck, pulls him flush against his chest and kisses him back with the same fervor. It’s not heated, not by any means, but Jared’s still moaning into Jensen’s mouth.

Jensen’s the first to pull back and his flushed face.

“You’re pretty,” Jared tells him quietly, chuckling at the look on Jensen’s face. “You are.”

“You’re delusional, Padalecki,” Jensen says as he pulls back, slides his hand into Jared’s. “I think I should probably get you to bed.”

“I think that would be best,” Jared nods.

 

 


	7. It's August, Let's Fall In Love

If you asked, neither of them would really be able to pin point when exactly Jared’s stuff began to gradually make its way over to Jensen’s apartment- it just… kind of happened. Every little piece of Jared left behind only added to the sense of home Jensen felt every time he entered a room, a little reminder in every corner to let him know that this was real, that Jared was real, and that he wasn’t going anywhere.

It’s kind of ridiculous though, feeling this giddy over stuff, because Jared’s not actually living with him; rather he’s just keeping stuff at Jensen’s out of convenience. But it’s nice to pretend.  He’s used to pretending, finds it easier than having to face the reality that one day things might be snatched out of his grasp.

With a soft sigh, Jensen rights the index of his right hand down the spine of the book Jared had been reading, one that he left out on the bed. A small smile tugs at his hips as he slips the bookmark in place and sets it on the nightstand. Little things like this, the simple act of straightening up not only after himself but after Jared as well, fills a void he hadn’t been aware was there until now.

Stripping the rumpled sheets from the bed, he drops them to the floor and replaces them with clean ones.

Lost in his own head Jensen doesn’t hear Jared come into the room until there are arms wrapping around his waist and lips nuzzling at his neck.

“Hey,” Jared murmurs, loving the way Jensen leans back into him.

“Hey,” Jensen says as he turns his head slightly to give Jared a quick peck on the cheek. It’s stupidly domestic and comfortable and he has to fight the urge to blush. They’ve known each other for over a month now, have been lovers for almost half of that, he should be used to things like this by now, right?

“Ready to go to mama’s?” Jared asks.

Jensen nods his head, turning to circle his arms around Jared’s waist. He gives Jared a quick squeeze before letting go and stepping away. “Yeah. Just gotta bring the sheets to the laundry room.”

“I got them,” Jared grins, bending to scoop the discarded sheets off the floor.

Jensen watches Jared with a fond smile and when Jared sends a quick wink in his direction and moves to disappear down the hallway, Jensen follows behind him, gaze tracking the way of Jared’s hips.

“You were mowing your lawn,” Jensen blurts out, taking them both by surprise.

“What?” Jared asks with an amused smile and tosses the dirty sheets into the washer, measures out the right amount of soap.

Jensen shrugs his shoulders, hand scratching at the back his neck. “The first time I saw you,” he admits sheepishly. “You were mowing your lawn. I kinda… checked you out.”

Grinning Jared leans against the washer, ankles crossing casually. “Oh really?” he questions with a raise of his brow.  “How did I look?”

“Sweaty,” Jensen murmurs, finding it next to impossible to not return his own grin at Jared. The guy can be pretty infectious sometimes, “and hot. Really fucking hot.”

“Just hot?” Jared asks with a slight pout that makes Jensen’s insides quiver.  Straightening, he takes a step towards Jensen, hand reaching out to trail suggestively down his torso.  “Tell me what else.”

Jensen’s eyes close against the touch, breath catching in his throat as he wills himself to remain in control. But when that hand journeys lower, brushing just at the waistband of his shorts, Jensen can’t help the groan that Jared’s touch elicits.  “Jay,” he whispers, tongue darting out to wet his lips. “We’re going to be late.”

“So?” Jared asks and steps into Jensen’s personal space, backs him up against the wall. “Want you to tell me more, Jen.”

There’s nothing in the world that Jared wants more than this, to hear all the naughty thoughts that Jensen may have had about him- still has about him.  He places his hands on Jensen’s hips, drags him against the hardening bulge in his shorts.

Jensen’s head falls back as his hands twist into the back of Jared’s shirt. Whatever’s going on here, he’s at a complete disadvantage and he has no idea how it happened, reminds him too much of dark bars with musky smells and cold brick up against his back. Reminds him too much of a past that he isn’t exactly proud of and he’s not sure how he feels about it, no matter how good Jared might feel pressed up against him like he is right now.

He can’t bring down the walls he built up around himself and he’s not sure why, so instead he fights for the control that he was so evidently about to lose; uses it reverse their positions.

The sound of Jared’s back hitting the wall vibrates around them.

“I said,” Jensen mutters, already forgetting about the stupid mistakes he made years ago as his teeth graze Jared’s neck roughly, “we’ll be late.”

He trails his mouth lower, sinks his teeth into Jared’s collarbone, and sucks a mark just behind the material of his t-shirt. “Now don’t make me spank you, Padalecki. Let’s go.”

There’s no mistaking the way Jared shudders when Jensen releases him and grinning rather smugly Jensen slips out of the room , leaving Jared to follow him.

“You suck,” Jared grumbles.

“You know it, Padalecki,” Jensen throws over his shoulder as he pulls open the front door. “After you.”

“Fuck you, Ackles,” Jared chuckles and steps out into the porch.

“Maybe later, if you behave.”

~ ~ ~

It’s the simple things in life that bring Sharon pleasure, complete her in ways she wouldn’t have thought possible.  It was those simple things that she clung to when her world feel apart and she knows, without a doubt in her mind, that she wouldn’t have survived without them- or without Jared. Jared, who had been such a rock in her time of darkness, even if he didn’t know it.  They kept each other grounded and yet, as she watches her only son laugh with the boy he is so clearly in love with, it’s clear to her, that no one has grounded Jared better than Jensen.  It warms her heart tremendously to see it.

Giving breakfast the a few final touches, she watches them and finds herself recalling the days she once felt the same. So young and in love, sharing knowing looks and traded whispers and the rush she felt every time Gerald had smiled at her. They’re bittersweet memories, a reminder of the man she once thought Gerald had been. But looking at the boys sitting at her kitchen table, she sees none of the childish notions that she herself had carried; instead sees the kind of love people only dream of and it makes her heart ache and swell at the same time.

She turns away from the kitchen island, movies towards the fridge and takes out the jug of fresh juice she had made earlier that morning, brings it to the table.

“You boys thirsty?” she asks, smile wide and genuine, the fog that had settled over her briefly disappears the moment Jared beams up at her.

“Sure are,” Jared nods as he takes the offered jug from his mama’s hand. “Thanks.”

Sharon resists the urge to ruffle her son’s hair as she moves to grab the plates she had set out, places one in front of each of them before bringing the breakfast out. It’s nothing fancy, just the usual bacon and eggs with a side of hash browns.

“It’s nice to have you home,” she murmurs, pressing a kiss to the top of his bead before settling down into her chair opposite of Jared.

“I was home just last night, mama,” he chuckles as he digs in.

“To grab some clothes,” she teases and has the pleasure of watching Jared’s cheek flush hot.

Jared rolls his eyes as he pokes open the yoke, dips his toast in it. “Jensen doesn’t like to share,” he jokes, wincing when he feels the not so gentle kick from underneath the table. “Ow.”

Jensen sighs, turns to Sharon. “He’s joking, obviously,” he tells her, smirking ever so slightly because there may be a little truth behind Jared’s words. “He’s a little bit obsessed with me.”

Jared scowls and tosses his crust at Jensen’s face, laughing when it bounces off of Jensen’s forehead. “Shut up,” he mutters, “and eat your damn breakfast.”

With a raised brow, Jensen lets Jared get away with that one and does as he’s told with quiet contemplation. He may already have a few ideas forming on how he’s going to make Jared pay for that later.

“So, Jensen,” Sharon says with an amused shake of her head, “Jared tells me you’re in the middle of writing a new book. How’s that going?”

“Pretty good,” Jensen replies. “A little slower than I’d like, but that’s okay.”

“I’m kind of distracting him,” Jared butts in, a frown tugging his lips down.

“Nothing can distract me if I don’t want to be,” he assures Jared, reaching out to grab his hand and giving it a squeeze. It’s both the truth and a lie, because lately he’s been letting himself get wrapped up in Jared and setting aside his book. It’s not an intentional thing, just something that happens. And of course, it’s a little frustrating knowing that he’s behind schedule, but he has something he’s never had before and Danneel is just going to have to understand that some things are a little more important.

Yet, even as he thinks it, he knows he really needs to refocus – even if that means spending a little less time with Jared.

He'll figure it out.

Jared gives him a nod and that small, shy smile that makes his heart skitter to a stop. He takes a sip of his orange juice before pushing his chair back. "If you'll excuse me," he murmurs, leans in to whisper to Jared that he's just going to use the bathroom.

Jared nods and Jensen slinks off.

He finds the washroom easily enough, slips inside. The door closes quietly behind him as he pulls out his cell phone and smirking he pulls up Jared's number.  This should be interesting.

I think I have an idea; he sends off, lips rolling through his teeth.

Oh yeah?

He chuckles, types his message out, waits a beat before hitting send and shoving his phone back into his pocket. He's a little more interested in seeing Jared's face then he is in the response. He washes his hands, wipes them on one of the hand cloths and makes his way back out into the kitchen. When he sees Jared's flushed cheeks, he grins and drops a hand to Jared's shoulder and reclaims his seat.

Jared coughs, head turning away and Jensen chuckles low in his throat.

"You okay?" Jensen asks.

Jared nods his head and picks up the last piece of bacon from Jensen’s pate. “Fine,” he says easily, even though he knows that his tented shorts are more than visible to Jensen. Looking away from Jensen to his mama he tells her, “This was real good.”

"Thanks, baby," she beams and begins to collect their empty plates.

Jared gets up to help her and arranges their dishes into the dishwasher. After, he wraps his arms around his mama’s waist as she rinses off some of the bigger pans, rests his chin on her shoulder. "I missed you."

Sharon laughs, leaning back against him. "Me too, baby."

Behind them, Jensen shuffles around, damp cloth in his hand as he wipes down the table. He watches them together, observes the strength that radiates through both of them. Survivors, in almost every sense of the term. Being a single mom takes a very special kind of woman and Jensen didn't need the experience to be able to say that without a doubt, Sharon Padalecki is a very special kind of woman.

Hanging the cloth to dry, Jensen smiles when Jared untangles himself from his mama. “Hi,” he says.

Jared beams. “Hi.”

“You coming back to my place?” he asks, brow quirking up.

Jared pretends to thin it over before nodding his head. “Yeah.”

Giving his mama one last hug, he pulls Jensen down the hallway and out the front door. Behind him Jensen chuckles.

“In a hurry or something?”

Jared shoots him a look, eyes heated. "What do you think?"

Jensen laughs, low and deep in his throat.

He steps around Jared and slips his key into the lock, throws the door open. Jared's on him the moment the door closes, fingers intertwining with Jensen's and pinning his hands above his head. His lips are rough against Jensen's, bruising as he bites and pulls.  "You can't," he says, emphasising every word with a kiss, "fucking," another, "do that it in front of my mom."

He drops Jensen's hands in favour of pulling Jensen's shirt up and off. Tosses it somewhere on the ground without so much as looking at where it landed, eyes only for Jensen. He runs his hands up Jensen's naked chest, fingers seeking out and twisting nipples into a firm peak. Jensen shudders against him, breath coming out in heavy pants.

"Do you have any idea how hard that was?" he asked, pinching harder.

"I can imagine."

Jared growls. "You're going to make good on that idea." He pushes away from Jensen then, steps away and Jensen watches as Jared slowly begins to strip.  Shoes and socks go first, and Jensen can't fucking look away. Doesn't even want to.

"Shit, Padalecki." He wants to push off the door, remove the rest of Jared's clothes himself, but the gleam in Jared's eyes tells him he better stay put. And why he's listening to it, he has no goddamn idea. He doesn't do this. He takes whatever he wants, gives as much as he pleases and he never backs down because he learned the hard way that when you do, things don’t always go your way or any way for that matter.

So this, this is so far from everything he's let himself do in a long time and it’s... amazing.

"Eyes on me," Jared tells Jensen. "I want you to watch me."  His fingers tug at the hem of his shirt, lifts it up slowly, exposing the smooth tanned skin underneath. "And then you can do that thing you said you were going to do."

"Yeah," Jensen swallows. "Yeah, okay." He unpops the buttons of his own shorts in time with Jared's fingers, doesn't take his eyes off of Jared as he slowly shimmies out of them. Jared lets them pool at his feet, steps out of them a second later and kicks them away.

He’s almost naked, save for the tight fitting black boxer briefs that drive Jensen up the fucking wall.  He moves towards Jensen then, pushes Jensen's hands away and slides his shorts the rest of the way down. Jensen steps out of them when Jared taps the side of his leg. And then those hands that Jensen fucking loves move up his thighs, thumbs dipping between his legs and pushes them apart.

Everything inside of Jensen is screaming at him to take the reins back, make good on that text message he sent Jared earlier, but his brain and body short circuit the moment Jared presses his lips where coarse hair meets skin.

At that moment pretty much nothing else matters.

"Wanted to do this," Jared mumbles, voice heavy, wrecked, "for so long." He settles more comfortably on his knees as he licks down Jensen's length, laps at the precome that is pearled against his head. He groans, mouth opening and he takes Jensen into his mouth with a practiced ease. It's sloppy, so goddamn messy and Jensen can feel the spit that coats him.

Jensen's head falls back against the door with a thud, fingers coming up to tangle in Jared's hair. He pulls Jared back some, groans at sight of pink swollen lips, wet with spit. "Jesus, Jay," he whispers, holding Jared's head still as he begins to move. Small, short thrusts of his hips and Jared's tongue swirls around him, cheeks hollowing. He moves in further, slowly and hits the back of Jared's throat without either of them realizing it - not at first. Not until he shivers, looks down to where Jared's nose is buried deep into short curls.

He pulls out, pushes back in and this time, his movements are harder. Jared gags around him and it vibrates through Jensen like you wouldn't believe. His fingers tighten in Jared's hair as he continues to fuck Jared's mouth, eases up some when he taps at his leg. Slows completely when he feels the tell-tale signs of his orgasm.

Jared releases him with a pop and surges to his feet, mouth crashing down on Jensen's frantically. His hands fall to Jensen's hips, pulls Jensen tighter against him as they begin to rut together. Cocks slip sliding together, creating a delicious friction that has them both panting into each other's mouths.

Eventually Jensen pushes Jared back, wraps a hand around his wrist and tugs him in the direction of the bedroom. He never thought it possible to want this much, need this fucking much but Jared continues to surprise him. Takes his breath away every single time.

Once in his bedroom, Jensen shoves Jared down onto the bed, fingers hooking underneath the waistband of Jared's underwear and tugging it off. Eyes roaming over the expanse of honey toned skin and sinewy muscle, he leans in and bites at Jared's hipbones.

"Flip over," he instructs, pulls at Jared's legs as he does so. Arranging Jared just the way he wants him, Jensen slips between the legs that hang over his bed and palms the mounds of Jared's pert ass. Squeezes, once, twice before pressing his lips to the base of Jared's spine. "Wanted to do this all morning," he tells Jared. "Since the incident in the laundry room, since your fucking smart mouth at breakfast." He clucks his tongue, teeth biting into fleshy skin.

"Bet your mama was the last person to ever do this to you," he murmurs, continues his biting, goes as far as to suck a nice purple mark on Jared's ass. "Your mama ever spank you, Padalecki?"

Jared whimpers as he pushes back into Jensen's touch, revels in the way teeth feel against his skin. "Yes."

"Were you a bad boy?"

"Yes."

Jensen chuckles, tongue dipping between Jared's ass. He flicks it teasingly against Jared's hole. "Tell me, Jay, you want me to spank you?"  He slides up Jared's back, hooks a hand underneath Jared's chin, forces Jared to look at him. "Been thinking about it since I sent you that text, haven't you?"

Jared squirms underneath him, back arching and pressing up.

"Tell me."

Jared groans, head dropping against the mattress when Jensen's hand pulls away, skims down his arms and even though his skin is overheating, shivers. "Fuck, Jensen," he grits out, "yes. Fuckin' yes."

Jensen grins, nips at the lobe of Jared's ear and moves down his body again. Trails open mouthed kisses along heated skin until he’s exactly where he wants to be, standing over Jared, hands filled with firm mounds. "I'll make this so good," he tells Jared.

He starts out gentle, a quick succession of three smacks to each cheek. They colour prettily, a light shade of pink that Jensen wants to darken until its red. Until Jared is sore and begging. He kneads the skin, cools it down and then does it again. Harder this time, pink darkening into red and Jared, God, he's amazing. Skin slicked with sweat now, Jared is panting, hips lifting into Jensen's hand. Breath hitching, moaning at the sting.

"You okay, baby?" Jensen asks, hand soothing over tainted skin.

Jared nods, fingers gripping at the sheets. "God, yes."

"Move up on the bed," Jensen murmurs. "Grab the lube from the drawer."

Jared does as he's told, grabbing the lube and settles back down on the sheets. "Good," Jensen whispers. "Now I want you to squirt some onto your fingers and work yourself open." Jared's mouth opens, but Jensen shakes his head. "Just do it."

Jared is hesitant at first, but drops a dollop of the cool liquid onto his fingers anyways, spreads his legs and circles the tight muscle. Jensen wraps a hand around his cock, strokes slowly, teeth biting at his bottom lip as Jared pushes a finger in. Back arching up off the bed, Jared gasps and Jensen wants to lean in, swallow the sound up, but he wants to watch this more.

"Fuck yourself," Jensen encourages, thumb flicking over the head of his cock. "Yeah, just like that." He groans, eyes never leaving Jared, drinks it all in. Flushed skin glistening, muscle clenching down around fingers, mouth open, little noises that drive Jensen wild escaping pink lips. Jared adds a second finger, hazel locks with green and he smirks. Fucking smirks.

Jensen’s control snaps after that and he pushes between Jared’s legs, slides in a third finger as he fuses his mouth with Jared’s. He licks his way between swollen lips and tangles with Jared’s tongue, swallows each and every one of Jared’s moans like he’s starving for them.

"Jen," Jared whispers against the indent of Jensen's lips. "Jen... fuck me."

Jensen shakes his head, hands grabbing at Jared as he flips them over. "No," he says, reaching over to grab a condom from the drawer he moves to hand it to Jared. "Ride me."

"Yeah, okay." Jared takes the condom, rips it open between his teeth and rolls it on Jensen's cock with trembling fingers. He's wound up so fucking tight, he doesn't know how long he's going to last.

Knees braced on either side of Jensen's hips, he wraps a hand around his own cock, holds still until he feels a little more in control. And then he's letting go, aligning himself with Jensen's cock and sinking down slowly. Inch by inch he clenches down around Jensen and it knocks the fucking breath right out of them both.

Jared hisses when he's completely seated.

Jensen's hands slide up to the top of Jared's thighs, squeezes encouragingly. "Whenever you're ready, Jay."

It's intense, not at all like anything he has ever experienced. Not with Tom, and not the times they have done this before. Jensen's giving him this, letting him set the pace in a way he never has. He bites down on his bottom lip and rolls his hips, testing.

Jensen is so deep, filling Jared up and there are no words that could properly describe everything that he is feeling right now. He moves languidly after that, hands falling beside Jensen's head and it feels like they have all the time in the world. Around them the room fades away, and it's just them, the green of Jensen's eyes, his freckles, his hands and the breathy moans that echo around them.

Jensen's fingers dig into Jared's hips hard enough to leave bruises and he can't bring himself to care. He wants to see them later, wants to place the pads of his fingers against them and know he put them there. That on every imaginable level, Jared is his.

And that's fucking terrifying, has his heart galloping and it’s a miracle it doesn't beat its way out of his chest.

Wrapping a hand around Jared’s cock, he jerks Jared off in time with the rolls of his hips.

"Fuck, Jen," Jared groans, forehead dropping to Jensen's. He licks his lips, eyes fluttering closed. "S'close."

Jensen’s not far behind him, not with Jared tightening around him like that.

"Let go with me," Jared pleads.

Jensen does.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Jensen untangles himself from Jared's limbs later that night and sits down at his desk, laptop glowing in the dark as opens up his document. He has days of work to get caught up on and though he knows, logically, that he can't complete it all in one sitting, during one night, he is dead set on making some kind of dent in it. His head won't shut up and he needs to get it all out.

He knows what he has to do now, where he has to take Dean and although the outcome hasn't been set it stone yet, it's a starting place. The direction is so clear that it’s a wonder he hasn't seen it before. It's going to be controversial, and yeah there's a chance that Danneel could throw it all back in his face and tell him to change it but he's not going to.

It feels right.

And so he writes.

 

                                                                              ~ ~ ~

In the weeks that follow, Jensen immerses himself in his writing. Loses himself in the flow of words at first light and often doesn't resurface until long after the day has faded away into night. He doesn't remember the last time he ate, but the empty plate beside him said he must have at some point. He wipes at the crumb littering his lap as he saves his work and swivels around in his chair.

Jared is spread out on his bed, sheet tangled between his legs and breathing softly. His features slack, holding an innocence Jensen rarely sees, he feels tempted to crawl into bed with Jared. He wants to curl up against Jared's side and drift off next to him. Unfortunately, he is nowhere near where he wants to be. So instead, he extracts himself from his chair and quietly pads his way out of the room.

In the kitchen, he deposits his plate into the sink and pulls a bottle of water from the fridge. Uncapping it, he drinks deeply, thoughts mulling around in his head. Dean has made the big leap, gave in to his forbidden desires. Now... now it is just the fallout that plagues him and with the impending conclusion drawing closer, Jensen knew it had to be fucking great. Epic.

Opening the fridge again, he grabs a handful of grapes and hops up on the counter. The thing is, he can't see the ending. Not right now. It's hazy, murky and lurking in the back of his mind, out of his reach. And really, how could it possibly end well? Moth drawn to a flame, desires forbidden, too big to be understood fully. He pops a grape into his mouth, chews thoughtfully.

It has to end in flame. How, when and why? Sad, sadder, or devastating? He swings his legs, considers all the possibilities until... nothing. He huffs in frustration and eats the last grape from his hand. His characters are assholes.

He drops off the counter and with his water in hand, heads back to bed.

Jared stirs when he comes back in, the wheels of his chair rolling against the wood of his floor a little too loudly. He winces, glances behind him as Jared sits up, hand rubbing at his eyes.

"Time's it?" Jared mumbles.

"A little after two," Jensen replies.

Jared nods, sighs and curls his legs underneath him. "You gonna come to bed soon?"

"Another hour or so," Jensen replies, eyes flicking back and forth to Jared and the words on his screen. He silently tells himself that his characters can hold until morning but still doesn't get up. He turns, sets his fingers on the keys in front of him.

He hears the blankets rustle behind him, barely registers the fact that Jared has slipped out of bed until he hears the clink of his belt. His hands drop away and he turns back around, frowning. "Where are you going?"

"Home," Jared shrugs.

"Why?"

Jared fastens his belt and runs a hand through his disheveled hair. "If I'm going to sleep alone, I can do that in my own bed."

"Jared," Jensen says, trails off to push to his feet. He reaches for Jared, hand wrapping around his wrist and tugging him against him. He nuzzles against Jared's neck, fingers hooking into belt loops. "Don't go."

Jared is still against him, hands hanging at his sides and Jensen fucking hates it. He doesn’t want Jared to go and really he has no idea how many ways he could say it. He’s never been particularly good at making people stick around, not that he really wanted to in the end. But Jared….

He looks up, soothes the crease in Jared’s brow my rising to the tips of his toes and pressing a kiss there. Whispers, pleads, “I’ll call it a night okay? Just don’t go?”

When Jared doesn’t protest, Jensen undoes his belt and slides off his jeans, leads them both back to bed. Covers pulled over them, he tucks himself up against Jared’s side. He knows he’s working too much lately, trying desperately to make up for lost time, that he should probably make some more time for Jared but it’s hard. He’s so closing to finishing and well, writing is all he has, or at least it used to be. It’s his escape and his livelihood and it’s a constant struggle to balance them all out.

He’s never really had to before.

Jensen trails his fingers around Jared’s nipple and feels Jared slowly start to relax next to him. “I’m sorry.”

Jared sighs, shifting so that he's lying on his side, face to face with Jensen. "Don't be sorry," he whispers. "I just... I shouldn't make you feel bad for working." He presses his lips against Jensen's. "So, really, I'm sorry."

Jensen rolls his eyes, chuckling softly. "I have an idea."

"Does this idea involve something kinky?" Jared asks, eyes gleaming.

"Tomorrow is Saturday, I think," Jensen murmurs.

"It is."

"I'm thinking maybe we could spend all day in bed. Hide under the covers and pretend we're the only two people in the world?"

Jared hums it over, finally says, "Can I blow you?"

Jensen smirks. “You bet your ass you can, Padalecki.”

"Oh and no clothes, like at all. For any reason."

Jensen's eyes go wide with feign surprise. "There are rules for our lazy Saturday now?"

"Yes," Jared laughs, hands skimming over Jensen's arms. "Every Saturday, no matter what. It's our day and we spend it all day, in bed and naked. We'll call it Naked Saturdays."

"You're such a dork."

"Yeah, but you love it." He kisses Jensen lightly and burrows into his pillow. "Now go write, because you aren't getting anywhere near that laptop tomorrow."

"You sure?" Jensen asks.

"Yeah."

Jensen nods and slips out of bed, gives Jared one last glance before getting back to work.

As each word brings him closer to the end, it reveals itself slowly, in snippets and flashes that have his fingers flying over the keyboard.

 

                                                                              ~ ~ ~

 

"I should have made a rule about phone calls," Jared grumbles as Jensen reaches over him, grabs his cell phone from the night stand.

"Two seconds, Jay," he murmurs, lips brushing against Jared’s as he pulls away. He glances at the number, grinning and slips out of bed. He hits answer the moment he steps out of the bedroom, naked as the day he was born.

"Danneel," he says easily, the affection in his voice full force knowing that he has something to send her later.

"Is this Jensen?" Danneel asks. "Did I call the right number?"

Jensen chuckles as he pictures Danneel making a show of checking her phone. "Shut up. How are you?"

"I didn't call as your best friend," she tells him. "I'm calling as your editor who hasn't heard from you in two weeks and then I am going to hang up and call back as your best friend and yell at you for ignoring me for two weeks."

She huffs and Jensen can hear the shuffling of papers. "You can't just move thousands of miles away and like, drop off the face of the earth."

Jensen rolls his eyes. "I've been writing."

He can all but see Danneel perk up at that. "Oh really?"

"Yes. And you'll be pleased to know that I am almost finished with the first draft."

Danneel makes a pleased sound. "Good, you can send me what you have as soon as we hang up. I want to make sure you're not pulling my leg."

"Yeah," Jensen says. "I can do that. Anything else?"

"Actually yes," Danneel chirps, clicking away at the keyboard in front of her no doubt. "You are scheduled to have a meeting with your lovely editor and publicist not this coming Monday, but next. And I fully expect you to be here, Jensen."

Jensen sighs, hand rubbing against his beard clad jaw. "I'll be there, don't worry."

"Good," Danneel says. "Well I gotta jet! See you soon."

"Bye, Danneel."

Disconnecting the call, Jensen makes his way back to the bedroom where Jared is propped up against the headboard, book in his hands. He recognizes the cover as one of his own and he grins. He flops down on the bed, head falling into Jared's lap. "Whatcha reading?" he singsongs, making Jared chuckle.

"Just some book by some washed out author."

"Oh yeah?" Jensen asks, rolling over and resting his arm across Jared's thighs and propping his head up in his hand. "What's it about?"

Jared shrugs, blush creeping up into his cheeks. Jensen snags the book from his hands, eyes skimming over the words. "Oh," he says, nodding, "this is a good part."

"Way to be modest, Jen."

"I think you would look very good in a pair of these," Jensen comments, still reading and even in his peripheral vision he can see Jared's bush deepen. "Black lacy satin, maybe a nice pair of stockings too." He looks at Jared, smirking. "Really fucking good."

He slides the bookmark in place and sets the book on the nightstand. "What do you say, Jared?" he asks, low and heated. "Wanna play dress up?"

The thing is, Jared's thought about it. Wondered how the delicate material would feel against his skin. He rolls his lips through his teeth, breathes, "Yes."

Jensen growls and bites at Jared's hipbone before straddling his lap. "We will," he tells Jared, mouthing along Jared's jaw, "soon. But right now, I just really want to fuck you."

So he does, long and drawn out because they have all day.

And later when they're tangled together, sweating and panting, they'll do it all over again.

 

 


	8. I Like to Think We Are

"Oh, look who decided to join us," Chad mutters, elbowing Jake who is sprawled out beside him. Jake lifts his head long enough to give Jared a small wave.

"Shut the fuck up," Jared says, laughing as he flops down beside Chad. He reaches into his pocket, dangles a baggie in front of his friend's face. "I brought weed."

"I take it all back," Chad grins as he grabs the bag from Jared and rummages through his own shit, looking for something to roll a joint on. "You're the best friend in the entire world and I totally forgive you for ditching us all summer."

Jared shakes his head, gaze falling to where the girls are splashing around in the water, their squeals of delight echoing around them. He smiles, flipping the camera around on his neck on and zooming in. He snaps a couple pictures before dropping it again. He's missed his friends, and even though he has tried to make as much time for them as he can, he can admit that he has been a little selfish with his Jensen time.

He has a week to make up for that though and with Jensen balls deep in his writing, it shouldn't be too much of problem. After all, Jensen had all but shoved him out the door this morning.

"Yeah, well," he murmurs, dropping an arm over Jensen's shoulders. "If it’s any consolation, I fucking missed you assholes. Even Jake."

Jake rolls his eyes and flips Jared off.

Jared gives him a shove and plucks the nicely rolled joint from Chad's fingers, christens it much to Chad's displeasure. "So gross dude," he complains.

"Whatever," Jared says, hand wrapping around the joint as lights it, smoke curling around his tongue. His flutter closed as the taste of marijuana fills him and he exhales slowly, bringing the joint back to his lips for another toke before handing it off to Chad.

"Should we call 'em in?" Chad asks, gesturing to the girls.

"Nah. They'll be even gigglier and Katie will just drag Gen off to make out."

"Good point."

They pass the joint back and forth between them in silence, all of them content to sit back and relax. The water laps at the shore, tempting and Jared shuffles down to let it play over his feet. It's cool, welcomingly so against the heat that has his hair sticking to his skin. He slides the elastic off from around his wrist and pulls his hair back.

"So how's the boyfriend?" Chad asks after a while, shifting so that he's sitting beside Jared.

The question startles Jared a little, has his stomach clenching because even though they've been together for over a month now, he's not exactly sure if that's what they are. They've never talked about it and now that he's sitting here, the word boyfriend getting stuck on his tongue he thinks they probably should have.

Hell, Jensen's never even taken him out on a date. Sure they go out, when Jensen drags him grocery shopping, but that's about it. They don’t go out out. And now that he's thinking about it, he doesn't think that Jensen's told his friends about him. Well, except maybe Danneel, because he knows that Jensen had gotten help with the camera from her.

So are they boyfriends? Jared likes to think they are.

"Dude?" Chad says, bumping his shoulder against Jared's. "You in there?"

"Yeah," Jared mutters, grabbing a stick from the sand and starts tracing little stick fingers into the grains. "Just thinking."

"About?"

Jared shrugs. "It's stupid."

"Is this because I called Jensen your boyfriend?" Chad asks, momentarily surprising Jared for knowing exactly what he is freaking out about.

"Maybe."

Chad rolls his eyes. "Take it you guys have never talked about it?"

"No, not really."

"You should," Chad points out, "it's not all that scary once you get going."

"Says the guy who freaked out and ignored me for a day."

"Different circumstances, man."

"Maybe," Jared sighs, tossing the stick away. He glances back to where Jake is dozing behind them.

"Just talk to him, dude."

"Yeah." And he will, because now that the term is bouncing around in his head, he has to know. "We still having that bonfire out here Thursday?" he asks, effectively changing the subject.

"Fuck yeah. You still coming?"

"Like I'd miss it, asshole."

Chad beams. "Good. Sucks that this is the last time we're going to be together for a while."

Jared nods. "Yeah. How are you doing, though?"

Chad looks at him confused. "Huh?"

"About you and Jake going to different schools, in opposite directions."

"Oh," Chad murmurs and gives Jared a sad smile. "Not saying I'm looking forward to it. But we'll make it work somehow."

"If anyone can do it, it’s you guys."

"Thanks, Jay," Chad mumbles and pushes to his feet, brushing the sand off of the seat of his shorts. "What do you say we go join the girls?"

Jared grins and lets Chad haul him to his feet. "What about Jake?"

"Let him sleep. He's such a bitch when he's tired."

"I heard that!"

Chad laughs and tugs Jared towards the water, letting out a little yelp when the cool water reaches more sensitive places. Jared gives him a shove and watches rather smugly as Chad flails before giving in and letting himself sink down with a splash.

 

~ ~ ~

 

A flick of a knife, a light of a match and it was over.

Jensen stares blankly at his computer screen, heart thundering against his chest. He's finished. The book he has spent months working on, is motherfucking finished and he should be elated. And he is, or at least, he will be once the shock wears off and his shoulders don't feel so heavy. Long hours, later nights and it all ended so awesomely horrible that he knows without a doubt that he is going to be hated for it.

He kinda likes being hated.

He swivels in his chair, pushes to his feet and makes his way to the kitchen. He needs a beer and maybe a congratulatory blowjob or something. He untwists the cap of his beer and absently tosses it into the sink, contemplates calling Danneel and giving her the good news.  Probably would have too, if the beer hadn't felt so damn good going down and the front door hadn't banged open, signalling that Jared is back.

He grins, face flushing with pleasure when Jared saunters into the kitchen.

"Hi," he says grinning as he loops his fingers into the waistband of damp shorts and drags Jared flush against him.

"Hi yourself," Jared murmurs, hands slipping around his waist, dipping low to press his lips against Jensen's. "You seem like you're in a good mood."

"I am," Jensen tells him, tugs Jared's mouth back down to his own and licks his way into the wet heat of his mouth. He pulls back slightly, breathless. "I finished my book."

"Really?" Jared asks, eyes wide. "That's awesome, Jen."

"Yeah," Jensen sighs, stepping away from Jared to grab him a beer. "How was your day?"

"Good," Jared replies, taking the offered bottle from Jensen, he twists off the cap and sets it on the counter. "It was nice seeing them." He looks away, casting his gaze out the window. There's not much to look at really, but he figures anywhere is better than looking at Jensen right now. He's too twisted up, confused and as he rolls his lips through his teeth he wonders if he's being obvious.

"Jared?"

Apparently he is.

"What's wrong?"

"What?" he asks, returning his attention back to Jensen, gaze falling to the blond red of his beard instead of his eyes. Beard is easier. "Oh, nothing."

Jensen nods his head and brings his beer to his lips, drinks deeply.  He considers not saying anything, dropping it completely, because he knows Jared will talk to him when he's ready, he always does. But there's something in those hazel eyes, an uncertainty he's never seen before and he finds that he can't let it go.

"Jay, what is it?"

Jared shrugs, distracts himself with the beer in his hand. Let’s the cool liquid splash against the back of his throat, slide down and soothe his quickly fraying nerves. He's being ridiculous. Chad would agree and that's all kinds of fucked up. He stares down at the beer in his hands, fingers pulling at the label and then ever so quietly he asks, "What are we, Jen?"

"Huh?" Jensen asks, confused.

Jared repeats himself, this time his gaze locks with Jensen's. "What are we, to each other?"

It's a solid question and yet, Jensen finds his hands sweating because if Jared doesn't know he's got to be doing something wrong, right? He rubs at the back of his neck, knocking back the rest of his beer. "You asking if we're like, boyfriends?" he asks, gesturing between them.

Jared nods sheepishly, eyes dropping again.

Jensen curses under his breath. "Time to pull out your fancy clothes, Padalecki."

"What?"

"You heard me," Jensen says. "Fancy clothes, now."

Jared's having a hard time catching up. "What?" What the hell do they need fancy clothes for?

Jensen rolls his eyes. "I'm taking you out on a date," he explains, stepping around Jared and heading in the direction of his bedroom. He stops to glance back at Jared. "Dates are something that boyfriends do, apparently."

He has the pleasure of watching Jared's face light up before disappearing down the hallway.

He should have fucking done this a long time ago.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Jared chews absently on his bottom lip as he looks through his closet, searching for the black slacks he knew his mama had hung up here. Finds them shoved all the way in the back, unwrinkled thank God. He tosses them on the bed and hunts down his pink with white stripes button down, the one he knows brings out his eyes and makes his skin tone pop. Its slim fit, clings like a second skin along his shoulders, chest and flows at his waist - where his shoulder to waist ratio is off the charts.

He sets the shirt on the bed beside his slacks and pads his way over to his dresser, towel dropping to pool at his feet as he slips on a pair of grey boxer briefs, tight in the way that he knows Jensen likes. He dresses quickly after that, stands awkwardly back in the bathroom as he tries to tame his hair. He soon gives up, it's damp, humid and it’s only going to frizz no matter what he does. And although he knows it’s probably not customary for a guy to wear a ponytail - especially on a date - he really is left with no other option. He pulls it back, frustrated, scowls when tendrils slip loose and frame his face.

It's as good as it's gonna get though, so he sighs and steps away from the mirror. The house is quiet as he makes his way through it, momma's working late again and he tries not to feel too guilty for not spending as much time with her as he probably should. After all, it's just been the two of them for years now.  He shakes the thought away, makes a mental note to come home a little more. Breakfast, lunch, supper, to watch a movie - who cares.

He slips out of the house, locks the door behind him and stands awkwardly on his porch steps, eyeing Jensen's house like it’s about to be swallowed whole. Fuck, he's nervous and isn't that stupid? They've spent nearly every day together since this whole thing started, and when they didn't, he spent all night in Jensen's bed. The thing is though, they jumped into this really fast. In a blink of an eye he was in a relationship, no first date required or any dates actually.

He rolls his eyes and jogs down his steps towards Jensen's.  None of that matters though, because he knows without a shadow of a doubt that even if they had taken it slow, did the whole dating thing, they would have ended up here - together. Boyfriends. The term has a grin breaking out on his face and he lets himself into Jensen's.

A quick look around tells him that Jensen is still getting ready, so he grabs a beer from the fridge and hops up on the counter, drinking lazily. The beer helps soothe some of his nerves, but it does very little for the way heat pools deep in his stomach.

Jensen is leaning against the doorway that leads into the kitchen, ankles crossed and eyes amused when he looks up again. And Jared really, really needs to get out of his head if he hadn't even heard Jensen come out. Doesn't matter though, because holy fucking shit.

He jumps off the counter, beer forgotten and walks over to Jensen, eyes roaming every-fucking-where. Light fitted grey dress shirt, even tighter black pants and Jared can feel his mouth water. But that isn't even the cherry on top of everything, isn't what makes all the blood in his brain rush down to his cock. Nope.

He wets his lips, hand lifting to trail along Jensen's naked jaw. Yeah, that's right, Jensen fucking shaved and Jared's not the least bit ashamed to admit that he was starting to wonder if Jensen even had an actual face underneath.  He probably said that part out loud, because Jensen is looking at him, shoulders shaking with confined laughter.

Shit.

He leans in, nips at Jensen's chin, growls and drags Jensen against him. Their tongues tangle together, hungry and heated.

Jensen's hands come to his chest and he pushes away slightly, breathing heavy. "We're going to be late for dinner, if you keep that up."

Jared shrugs. "Who cares?" and claims Jensen's mouth again, this time taking the kiss deeper until he can feel Jensen's length straining against him.

"Have I taught you nothing about restraint, Padalecki?" Jensen asks against Jared's lips, this time effectively stepping out of Jared's arms. "Let's go."

 

Jared pouts.

"Figures I would pick the neediest guy in the world to make my boyfriend," Jensen says smirking, like he fucking knows what that word would do to Jared. And maybe he does, and fuck if that isn't awesome?

"Oh, really?" Jared grins, brushing past Jensen and into the hallway. "I think you kinda like it."

Jensen rolls his eyes and grabs his keys from the table beside the closet, pulls open the door for Jared. "In the car, asshole."

Jared's eyes widen in mock offense. "I don't think that is the way one speaks to his boyfriend."

"Keep running that mouth and I'm going to take it out on your ass later."

Jared stops, hand on the passenger side door. "You realize that isn't a threat, right?"

"That's what you think," Jensen tells him, winking as he climbs into the car.

Jared scrambles in after him.

 

~ ~ ~

 

The restaurant is small, quaint and perfect. The lighting dim, romantic and the walls a soft shade of red that ties everything in together. Looking around the room, Jared takes small comfort in the fact that the faces spread out around the room are unfamiliar. Somehow it adds to the atmosphere and what is definitely turning out to be a perfect first date.

Jensen reaches out, bumping Jared’s knuckles with his own. “How’s your food?”

“Amazing,” Jared answers before wiping at the corner of his mouth with his napkin. “I think even better than your home cooking,” he adds teasingly.

“Bite your tongue, Padalecki.”

Jared rolls his eyes as he twirls more spaghetti around on his plate. The low thrum of nerves haven’t exactly gone away but they’re a lot easier to ignore now. Every glance Jensen sends his way calms him and he’s not exactly sure why. They light him up, making him a hundred times more aware of Jensen. He’s not sure how it’s possible, but apparently it is.

He ducks his head, slurping at the noodle that hangs just over his lips. Jensen chuckles at that, thumb already extending over the table to wipe away the sauce from the corner of Jared’s mouth. It’s kind of stupid how his breath catches. “Huh,” he says as Jensen pulls away.

“What?”

“It’s just…” Jared shrugs. “Are all first dates like this?”

“Probably not,” Jensen says, smirking as he picks up his fork. “We’re not really typical, are we, though?”

“Maybe not. But now that I’m thinking about it, I am definitely going to consider the time you made me burgers as a stepping stone to our first date.”

“Or it we could just call that our first date and this our second?” Jensen suggests. “It’s not like I wasn’t thinking about what it would be like to wine and dine you anyway.”

Jared raises a brow at that, lips tugging up. “Oh really? And here I thought you only wanted me for my body.”

“That’s just a bonus,” Jensen winks.  He pushes his plate away and stretches his legs out, feet knocking against Jared’s. “So I was thinking…”

“That can be dangerous.”

Jensen chuckles as he leans forward again, fingers wrapping around the stem of his wine glass. “Seeing as I don’t have to rush home and write a book… that we could take a little walk on the beach?”

“Pulling out all the stops aren’t you, Ackles?”

“Maybe,” Jensen admits, his cheeks colouring some. “I’m just sorry I didn’t do this sooner.”

“We’re doing it now.”

Jensen nods and signals for the check.

Jared watches the way he flirts subtly with their waitress, a little wink here, a cocky smile there and he figures that maybe he should be a little jealous. He is, without a doubt, talking her up. Making her blush and fumble a little and he should hate it. But instead of feeling any of that, he’s just in awe. Jensen’s open, relaxed in a way he hasn’t seen him in public before. And yeah, okay, maybe that has a lot to do with the fact that they’ve never been out like this. Either way though, it doesn’t matter because he has no doubt in his mind that Jensen only has eyes for him.

It speaks volumes, not just about Jensen, not just about them but about himself as well. He’s secure, happy…and that fear that’s always in the background ever since his dad walked out is completely and utterly quiet. He’s not scared that Jensen is just going to walk out him, on them.

When the waitress walks away, Jensen slips his wallet back into his pocket and pushes back in his chair. Hand already extended before Jared could unfold himself from his own chair. He glances at it, mouth falling open some as he realizes exactly what Jensen is doing.

He flicks his gaze up to Jensen. “You serious?”

“It’s just a hand, Padalecki.”

“You know that you’re already getting laid, right?”

“Well shit,” Jensen mocks and drops his hand. “You’re right.”

“Ass,” Jared mutters, slides his hand into Jensen’s and let’s himself be pulled from his chair. Nearly chokes when he finds himself flush against Jensen’s chest and when Jensen slips a hand underneath his chin, pulls him down, Jared swears his whole body shudders.

 

~ ~ ~

 

It’s a warm night, warmer than most but that doesn’t stop Jensen from walking as close to Jared as he could get. Shoulders bumping, fingers entwined, stolen glances with every step as sand squishes between their toes. They had left their shoes in Jensen’s SUV, rolled up their pants and simply took their time.

He knows there’s a reason why he hasn’t done this sooner and as much as he doesn’t like to admit it: they were selfish reasons. Wanting to keep Jared to himself, close and out of sight from interested eyes. Jared’s hot and he doesn’t go unnoticed. It makes Jensen’s skin itch in ways he doesn’t like to think about. He’s has always had a jealous streak, most of it as a residue after effect of his past but there nonetheless. Not something he usually lets show, too ugly most of the time. Too fucked up.

Being with Jared right now though, engulfed in moonlight; he realizes that his selfishness has cost them both, because the way Jared looks right now, the way his face is bright and open and happy, he had almost denied himself that. And wouldn’t that have been a damn shame?

He stops them after a while, pulls Jared down to sit with him, water just barely lapping at their toes. “I had a really good time tonight, Jared.”

“Me too,” Jared murmurs, head dropping to Jensen’s shoulder. He gives Jensen’s hand a gentle squeeze as they watch the waves. “Wish I would have brought my camera.”

“Next time.”

Jared nods his head. “Yeah.”

Jensen loses track of how long they sit there, more content to be in Jared’s company than anything. But when he feels Jared yawn, head lifting to stretch, he figures it’s probably time to call it a night. “You ready to go?”

“Definitely.” Jared straightens and brushes the sand off the seat of his pants. Catches Jensen by the hem of his shirt before he can start walking and pulls him in. “I hope you know that I put out on a first date.”

Jensen chuckles as he wraps his arms around Jared’s waist. “Think we covered that at dinner.”

“Just thought I’d remind you.”

Jensen chuckles. “Gonna let me go so I can take you home, or what?”

“Depends.”

“On?”

“If you’re going to put out.”

“I really don’t think that was ever a question, Padalecki.” He gives Jared’s ass a slap. “Now let’s fucking go.”

“So bossy.”

If they end up chasing each other back to the Jensen’s SUV like a bunch of hormonal teenagers, well there isn’t anyone around to call them out on it.

 

~ ~ ~

 

 

Shoes, shirts, pants. All of it shed in space of minutes as they claw at each other, the heavy sounds of their breathing the only damn sound in the whole house and it’s hot, so fucking hot.

Jared runs his nails down Jensen’s back and revels in the way he arches into the touch, seeks it out, begs for harder and Jared can swear he can hear the sound of skin breaking. But Jensen doesn’t tell him to stop, just lets out little encouraging noses as he sucks at the spot of Jared’s neck that drives him fucking crazy. Has him bucking up, cocks knocking together and fuck, he can’t think.

He whimpers, hands on Jensen’s hips as he grinds himself down, creating a delicious friction that has them both groaning loud and drawn out.

“Fuck, Jay.”

“Need you.”

Jensen doesn’t say anything after that, instead he fuses his mouth with Jared’s and sucks on his tongue like it’s the best damn thing he’s tasted. It’s messy, should probably even be gross, but it’s so not any of those things. Jensen’s usual finesse and patience completely thrown out the window as he spins Jared around, presses his chest flush against the counter as he lets his body take control as his brain continues to shut down.  Doesn’t fucking matter, though, he’s got Jared in front of him, bent over and begging.

Or at least he’s pretty sure Jared’s begging because it’s kind of heard to hear over the roaring of his blood in his ears. His cock twitches, a painful reminder of just how fucking hard he is. He reaches down, gives the base a quick squeeze before nipping and marking his way across Jared’s shoulders, the expanse of his back until he’s lowering to his knees to spread Jared open.

God.

His mouth waters as he leans in, laps teasingly at Jared’s hole and revels in the way Jared jumps at the touch. Does it again and again, until Jared’s crying out, pushing back against Jensen’s face, burying it between the mounds of his ass. Jensen hums, tongue easily gaining access as it pushes past spit slick muscles.

“Jen. Shit, Jen.”

Jared’s losing his damn mind. No, scratch that because he’s pretty damn sure he lost it the first time Jensen touched him. He balls his hands into fists, back arching and toes curling. It’s always been good with Jensen, actually better than good, but this… this is off the goddamn charts.

He lets his head fall against the counter, eyes squeezing shut as Jensen starts adding fingers in alongside his tongue. His body is on fire, overloaded and he’s not sure how much more of this he can take. Wants to though, wants this to go on for hours and hours and yet, god… he wants Jensen inside of him.

Now.

“Please, Jen… please.”

Jensen doesn’t say anything as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. He pushes to his feet to rummage through one of the drawers, comes back with a tiny bottle of lube and a condom that makes Jared’s brow raise. He shrugs. “Beats going to my room to get it.”

Jensen as a point. This definitely saves time and allows him to get what he wants that much quicker. He gives his ass a wiggle, body shuddering along with the moan he draws out from Jensen.

“Fuck, Jay.”

Jensen rolls the condom on, slicks himself and Jared up as he aligns himself up. He teases Jared’s hole with the head of his cock, pushing against the muscle but not entering. Jared mews and pushes back, seeking out more. So close to getting what he wants but still so far away.

“C’mon, Jen. Don’t tease.”

“Thought you liked it, Padalecki.”

“I do,” Jared concedes. “But right now, I’m so fucking over it.”

Jensen chuckles softly and starts easing inside of Jared. He’s halfway in when he drops his head to Jared’s back and focuses on making it as comfortable for Jared as he can. He’s still so fucking tight that it’s making it almost impossible for Jensen to think straight. He can feel the muscle stretch around him, adjusting and when Jared moves, clenches down around him, he has to bite his lips to keep from crying out. Or losing it completely.

Jared wiggles back against him encouragingly. “Move, Jensen.”

After that, Jensen doesn’t hold back. Let’s his body take over, gives as he good as he gets because Jared is pushing back against him like he’s going into heat. Their sounds echo around them, skin on skin and moans, all mingling together until it is next to impossible to tell them apart. They’re so wrapped up in each other and the movements of their hips, they don’t hear the front door open.

“Holy fuck.” Keys hit the floor.

Jensen stops, fingers digging into Jared’s skin as he glances up and lets out a string of curses. “What the fucking fuck, Kane?”

Chris shrugs, hand already covering his eyes. “Surprise?”

Jared makes a little noise that has Jensen cursing again. He looks at Chris pointedly. “You mind?”

“Not at all,” Chris shakes his head and slowly retreats. “I’ll… just be in the living room.”

“Yeah, and remind me to take away your key!” he shouts.

Underneath him Jared wriggles free and Jensen lets him with a put upon huff. He is going to kill Chris nice and slow.

“So Chris?” Jared asks as he searches around the room for his boxers. He slips them on and finds his pants easily enough.

“Yeah,” Jensen mutters, finding his own clothes and tugging them on roughly. “Friend of mine from way back. Usually he calls before just showing up.”

Jared nods. “Huh.” He tries not to feel too upset about the fact that Jensen never really talks about his friends but he does. Kind of hates it a lot that Jensen has kept some things from him, regardless of how important they are. Jensen is his boyfriend after all and now that he’s thinking about it, really thinking about it, he doesn’t like just how much he doesn’t know about Jensen. Yeah, he knows the important stuff but… it’s the little things he wants to know too. Figures he has the right to.

Fully dressed now, he stands awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen, not quite sure what he should do now. “Should I go?”

Jensen’s head shoots up at that. “What? Why?”

Jared shrugs, totally aware that he’s looking anywhere but at Jensen right now. “I just figured you guys would want to catch up…”

Jensen sighs and moves to stand in front of Jared, hands cupping his face. “I really suck at this don’t I?”

Jared doesn’t have to ask to know what Jensen means. His heart hurts a little because of it. Jensen is great, more than great and yeah there are some things that kind of suck – Jensen never really talking about his friends is definitely one of those things – but he’s also the best damn thing Jared has ever had so… “No, you don’t.”

“Now you’re lying.” He presses a quick kiss to Jared’s lips. “You wanna meet Chris, now that we’re both dressed?”

“Yeah, okay.”

They make their way into the living room together, where Chris is already sprawled out on the couch remote in his hand as he flicks through the channels. Jensen rolls his eyes as he takes a step forward and gives Chris a good kick. “Sit the fuck up will ya?”

Chris smirks, but quickly straightens, already turning off the TV. “So you had no idea I was coming, did you?”

“Not a damn clue.”

“Huh. Figured the wife would have ratted me out.”

“You’re kidding, right? Danneel’s been giving me shit about moving half away across the country and forgetting about her. I am a shit friend, apparently.”

“Ha. You kind of are, dude,” Chris tells him, gaze lifting from Jensen’s to where Jared is hovering awkwardly in the doorway. He stands and extends his hand. “Chris.”

“Jared,” he says, giving Chris’s hand a firm shake.

“I’ve heard a little about you,” Chris says as he sits back down, props one his legs over his knee. “Not much, I have to admit, seeing as Jensen here hasn’t told Danni a whole lot.  Nice to put a face to the name though.”

Jared blushes at that and makes his way over to sit in the chair opposite of them. Jensen gives him a curious look before turning back to Chris.

“What the fuck are you doing here, anyways?”

“Got a show Wednesday, flew out with Steve this afternoon.”

“And what, you couldn’t call and tell me that?” Jensen demands, feigning offence.

Chris laughs though, bumping Jensen’s knee with his own. “I was under strict orders not to bug Danni’s money maker.  Until you finished your book.”

“Huh,” Jensen says. “You’re breaking her rules.”

“Yeah,” Chris pouts, sighing. “Don’t tell her though.”

“Guess it’s a good thing Jensen finished this morning then,” Jared murmurs, feeling a little awkward about contributing to a conversation that clearly didn’t involve him. He fidgets and is almost positive that he’s discomfort shows plainly on his face. And it does, if the way Jensen looks at him again is any indication.

“Really? That’s fucking awesome, man. Danni is going to be stoked.”

Jensen shifts on the couch, curls one leg underneath him. “I was going to tell her this afternoon but got distracted.”

Chris sniggers at that. “Of course you did.”

“Was told I wasn’t being a very good boyfriend,” Jensen goes on, the corners of his lips tugging up when he sees Jared sputter at that.

“Never said that,” Jared complains, frowning. “You said that.”

“You two are something else,” Chris comments, looking back and forth between the two of them. “You’re going to come to my show, right?”

It takes Jared a couple seconds to realize that the question was directed at him and when he does, he shifts uncomfortably. “Uh, where are you guys playing?”

“Nowhere big,” Chris explains. “Just the bar down the street, where we started out. Steve wanted to touch base with his home roots so…”

Jared nods and rolls his lips through his teeth, not quite wanting to tell Chris that he wouldn’t be able to go because he’s underage. And isn’t that all kinds of pathetic. Thankfully though, Jensen answers for him.

“Gotta sneak him in through the back.”

“Aw shit, Jen. You caught yourself a young one.”

“Eighteen,” Jared mutters.

“Ain’t nothing wrong with that,” Chris says, hands held up in surrender. “So long as Jensen’s happy, I wouldn’t care if had four nipples and a second penis.”

“Just your average Joe,” Jared laughs.

Jensen shakes his head. “You want a beer?”

“Definitely.”

“Jared?”

“No, thanks.”

“I’ll be right back. And you,” he looks at Chris, “be nice.”

Chris rolls his eyes and watches as Jensen disappears into the kitchen before turning back to Jared. “So how long you two been together?”

“Uh… Almost two months.”

Chris whistles. “Gotta admit that I’m surprised that he hasn’t mentioned you more. He seems pretty taken with you.”

Jared forces a chuckle at that.  “Yeah, well…”

“You going to school?” Chris asks, switching gears and Jared lets out a relieved breath.

“Yeah in September. Uh, for photography.”

“No shit.”

“His work is amazing too,” Jensen chimes in, coming back into the room. He hands Chris his beer before perching himself on the arm of Jared’s chair. And though Jared’s not about to admit it any time soon, he’s kind of thankful for it as he feels himself slowly start to relax.

“You should bring your camera to the show. Steve would fucking love it. Of course I’ll pay you for it or whatever.”

Jared can feel the flush that creeps up the back of his neck and he ducks his head in an attempt to hide it. He’ll never get used to Jensen’s praise when it comes to his photography, never wants to because it means more to him than anything. And now, having Chris offer to pay him for his time is exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. He’s going off of what Jensen says and that’s awesome, really fucking awesome, but he kind of wants Chris to see his work and base his offer on that… and not because he’s dating his best friend.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about, Jay?” Jensen asks quietly, fingers playing on the nape of his neck.

“Oh… um,” he blushes harder, forcing himself to look up. “I just… I want to, I really do.”

“But…” Chris draws out, smirking a little.

“I’d kind of like you to see my stuff before you decide to pay me you know? Not that I’d actually take money from you, or anything….”

Chris is quiet for a long moment before he lets out a breathy chuckle. “This guy for real?”

Jensen nods. “Yeah.”

“Huh. Keep him, Jensen. Now show me your work, kid.”

 

 

~  ~  ~

Jensen is positive that he’s never seen anything more captivating – more beautiful – than the way Jared had flushed when Chris nearly tripped over his tongue trying to tell Jared just how incredible his work was- is. Coloured so pretty, lips stained a bitten red, Jensen hadn’t been able to look away. Rooted to the spot by the look on Jared’s face. It pretty much took his breath away, could have even knocked him on his ass if he hadn’t already been sitting.

It was there, watching the two of them as Jared showed Chris folder after folder of his work that everything clicked into place. He’s in love with Jared. So fucking in love. And as he crawled into bed that night, after walking Chris out, he wonders if it’s too soon. Has to be right? They barely know each other and he knows there are parts of him that he hasn’t let Jared in on. His friends being a big issue between them and though Jared hasn’t voiced it out loud, he knows it is. So he’s going to do his damn best to rectify that, because Jared isn’t going anywhere, ever.

Tugging the blankets over them, he shifts and wraps a hand around Jared’s middle. He’s in love with Jared, yes, but he can wait a little while longer to tell him. At least until he can wrap his brain around it himself. Until he can stop finding all the little reasons why it could all go so horribly wrong.

When Jared hums and snuggles in closer, Jensen lets that part of his brain turn off. “So, what do you think?”

“Of Chris?”

“Yeah.”

“He seems pretty cool,” Jared murmurs, words cut a little short but a yawn. “’M sorry.”

“Go to sleep, Jay.” He presses a kiss to the back of Jared’s neck.

“Night, Jen.”

“Night.”

“Hey, Jen?”

“Yeah?”

“You really think Chris likes my stuff?”

“Yes. Now go to sleep, you dork.”

“’Kay.”

 

 

 


	9. So New York, Huh?

Waking up next to Jensen is something that Jared hopes he’ll never get tired of, because not seeing those blond lashes fanned out on freckle cheeks, or the way his lips stay slightly parted, looking so damn kissable, would be a damn shame. He leans in, captures Jensen’s sleep slack mouth with his own and nibbles teasingly. He feels the moment Jensen wakes up, when those lips start sliding against his own. He gives a pleased hum and dives in, tongue swirling around Jensen’s lazily.

When they eventually part, Jensen’s face is flushed and lids still a little heavy, but his eyes are aware. He grins. “Mornin’.”

“Mmm,” Jensen mumbles, pressing his lips together like he’s hording Jared’s taste for later. “Almost better than coffee.”

Jared chuckles. “You’re an ass.”

“Maybe,” he yawns, rolling over to stretch his arms over his head. “Time is it?”

“After ten. I think I hear movement in the kitchen.”

Jensen really doesn’t doubt it. He throws back the covers and reaches for the pajama pants he had kicked off at some point last night and slips into them. “Chris and Steve must be making themselves right at home.”

“That’s what friends are for,” Jared smirks, climbing out of bed to join Jensen. “You gonna make me breakfast?”

“Do I look like your mama?”

Jared wrinkles his brow at that. “That’s so wrong, man.”

“But yes, I’ll cook you breakfast, you big baby.”

Jared grins, bouncing over to lay a smacking kiss on Jensen’s lips. “You’re my favourite.”

“I should hope so. I’m gonna jump in the shower real quick. You think you can handle Chris and Steve on your own?”

“Uh… What’s Steve like?”

“Pretty chill, actually. Wears his hair longer than yours. Smokes a shit ton of pot.” He moves towards the bedroom door and pulls it open. “Not nearly as invasive and scary as Chris.”

“Then I should be fine. If not, I’ll come hide out in the shower with you.”

Jensen raises an interested brow at that. “My friends don’t need you to keep them company.”

“They don’t?”

Jensen shakes his head. “Nope. I need you to keep me company.”

“That so?” Jared smirks.

“You in or what, Padalecki?”

“What if they hear us?”

“Fuck ’em.”

Laughing, Jared gives Jensen a push in the direction of the bathroom. “Not really the first impression I want to make, okay? Go shower, I’ll be fine.”

Jensen pouts but refrains from telling Jared that Chris walked in on them fucking last night and that’s about as good of an impression anyone can make in favour of doing as he’s told; prays that Steve won’t eat Jared alive. Thing is, Steve maybe be a laid back stoner, but he’s also super protective. He glances behind his shoulder, watches as Jared disappears in the direction of the kitchen. He’ll make it quick.

 

~ ~ ~

“Jared!” Chris beams when he steps into the kitchen. “Looking rather rumpled this morning.”

Jared rolls his eyes as he grabs a cup from the cupboard, pours a generous amount of coffee in it before heading for the sugar. Lots and lots of sugar. He takes a tentative sip, lets the caffeine soak in a little bit before he’s fully ready to make conversation.

Conversation with people he doesn’t even know. Which reminds him… “Hi, I’m Jared.”

Steve stares at him, blue eyes assessing him in a way that it makes it hard for Jared not to fidget. And here he had been told that Steve would be the easier one to handle. Yeah, so far he’s seeing none of that. Until Steve’s face breaks out into a grin so big that Jared’s nearly blinded by it. Huh.

“Steve,” he says, voice like whiskey.  He doesn’t offer his hand but he does give Jared a small nod before plucking the cup from Jared’s hands. He takes a drink, lets out a content hum. “Just how I like it too.”

“Uh, okay then,” Jared mumbles. He’s not quite sure what to make of that but he figures it’s not like he can say anything about it. So he grabs another cup, decides to make this one for Jensen instead. It’s not like he really needs the sugar anyways.

“Chris tells me that you and Jenny have been playing house.”

Jared bristles at that and he casts a glance over his shoulder. “Wouldn’t say that.”

“You been staying here?”

“Sometimes, yeah,” he answers.

“You leave stuff here?”

“I forget stuff here,” Jared sighs.  “Look, I don’t know what this is about, but….”

Chris cuts him off though by dropping an arm around his shoulders. “Ignore him. Steve’s a surly old bastard on the best of days.” He leans in real close, whispers, “He’s been pining away for Jensen for years.”

“Heard that,” Steve grumbles, “and that’s a goddamn lie.”

“He’s just bitter because Jensen turned him down,” Chris explains, dodging whatever it was that Steve threw in his direction. “Told you.”

Steve and Jensen?

Steve and Jensen?

He feels his stomach tighten into knots. He hates that he doesn’t know enough of Jensen’s past to know if they’re fucking with him, or if there’s any truth behind it. Steve’s a good looking guy, has that whole hipster chic look going for him that looks pretty damn good. So, maybe it’s not completely out of the way for them to have had… something, right? Do they still have something? Is that why Jensen’s never told him about them?

Funny, how just yesterday he was confident enough in their relationship that he could watch Jensen flirt, with zero shame he might add, with their waitress and now? Now, he’s doubting everything again. Which is stupid, so stupid.

“Hey, kid, you okay?”

Jared looks up to find Chris waiting him curiously and he does his best to school his features. He’s fine. Totally fucking fine. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Chris tilts his head to the side. “You sure, man? ‘Cus you know we were totally just messing with you, right? Steve is as straight as an arrow.”

“Oh,” and then again, “oh.”

“Ah hell Chris. Look what you went and did,” Steve grumped.

“Shit,” Chris cursed.

Jared shakes his head, waves off Chris’s apology. “Don’t worry about it. Not my fault that I don’t really know much about you guys.” He leaves out the fact that he’s never even heard of them until well, yesterday.

Steve sighs. “That would be Jensen’s fault.”

“What’s my fault?” Jensen asks as he saunters into the kitchen, spots a cup of coffee and bee-lines for it. “This mine?”

Jared nods.

Chris shakes his head as he slaps Jensen on the shoulder. “You’re goddamn lucky you’re pretty. Now make me breakfast, bitch.”

Taking a sip of his coffee, he watches Jared over the rim. Takes note of the way he continues to roll his lips through his teeth and the fact that he’s yet to look in his direction. Wonders just how many ways he could continue fucking this up. “Seriously, what did I miss?”

“Nothing,” Jared says. “Listen, I’m gonna go have breakfast with mama, okay? I’ll see you later.”

Jensen frowns, reaches out to wrap a hand around Jared’s wrist. “You okay?”

“Fine,” Jared tells him, musters up his best smile. “I’ll be back in a couple hours.” He leans in and presses a chaste kiss to Jensen’s cheek and then he’s moving past him, out the front door and Jensen’s more confused than he’s ever been.

“What just happened?”

“You did, Jenny,” Steve murmurs.

“Fuck.”

“Guess I’ll make breakfast,” Chris mutters and starts making himself at home in Jensen’s kitchen.

 

~ ~ ~

 

“So you do remember where you live.”

Jared glances up and gives his mama a small smile, surprised to realize just how much he’s missed her, even though he’s only been across the street. Chocks it all up to the fact that he hasn’t been coming home as much as he should. He steps into the kitchen, shoulders sagged and steps into his mama’s waiting arms.

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

He sniffs, not really sure how he’s supposed to answer that. It’s not like he really understands it himself. The only thing he does know for sure is that Jensen’s been holding back and he doesn’t know why. He hugs her tighter, until she’s chuckling softly in his hear and easing back. She cups his face in her hands.

“What is it, Jared?” she asks.

Jared shrugs his shoulders as he plops himself down on one of the stools at the island. “Don’t know how to explain it, mama.”

Sherri nods and resumes puttering around the kitchen, already pulling out stuff to make them breakfast. Jared watches her, tracks her movements and wonders just how it is that she knows him better than anyone else. Enough to know that if she lets him stew, he’ll eventually get tired of the quiet and start talking. Sure, she’s his mama, but their connection is beyond that. Maybe being an only child had something to do with that. Or the stress of having to pick up the pieces after his dad left brought them that much closer.

Whatever it is – was – he’s glad to have it. To have her.

Eventually though, Sherri broke the silence, the snap crackle of eggs in the background making his stomach growl some. “Did you and Jensen have a fight?”

“No,” he shakes his head, sighs.

Sherri pours him a glass of orange juice and sets it down in front of him before scooping the eggs out of the pan and onto a plate, adding some bacon on the side and slides the plate over to Jared. She sits down across from him, space in front of her empty and Jared frowns.

“You not eating, mama?”

“Already did,” she murmurs, reaching over to brush some of the hair out of his eyes. “Always did wear your hair long.” Jared cracks a smile at that, it’s tiny, but nearly as strained as it was earlier. “I remember the fits you’d use to throw when I’d take you the hairdressers. You were a nightmare.”

Jared rolls his eyes as he picks at his eggs. “I was a joy, actually. Plus these locks, they’re awesome.”

Sherri drops her hand away. “They’re you, that’s for sure.”

Jared nibbles on a piece of bacon, thoughts bouncing back and forth in his head. Things suddenly seemed harder when only days earlier everything had been so simple. It was just them, having no, no… no labels. Pushing his plate away, he asks quietly, “Is it always this hard?”

“If it was easy, it wouldn’t be worth it,” Sherri tells him. She grabs his hand, engulfs it in both of her small ones. “The things that are worth it are usually the hardest, baby.”

Logically Jared knew this but… “Jensen’s great, mama, and I know it’s silly, but-”

“But what?”

Jared shrugs, gaze dropping down to the hand wrapped up in his mama’s. “It’s just… I know all the important parts of Jensen. Like his family, for example. I know that he has a coffee addiction and that he hates being bothered when he’s writing. I know he wants a dog eventually. But his friends mama? I don’t know about them.” He trails off, sighing in frustration.

“I know about Danneel by default, but that’s not the same. He has this whole other life that he’s never told me about. Not really. And friends that I just met yesterday. If you love someone, shouldn’t you want to share all of that?”

Sherri tilts her head as she studies Jared. “Do you love Jensen?”

Not really expecting that, Jared doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t think he could, if he wanted to, because does he? Love Jensen? It’s not something that ever came up, or something they even talked about. Hearing it asked so plainly, though, he can’t not think about it. Love Jensen… God, he really thinks he does. And that’s just terrifying.

“I can’t,” he says, eyes darting up to his mama’s. “I… mama, I barely know him.”

“Jared…” Sherri says, voice comforting. She gives his hand an encouraging squeeze. “From what you told me, I would say you know Jensen more than enough to love him.”

Jared frowns, not quite convinced.

“Honey, listen. Being in love isn’t supposed to be easy, it’s supposed to hurt like hell. It’s still so new, Jared.” She releases his hand and curls one under his chin, turning his face towards her. “If you knew everything about each other right away, you’d be sick of each other. You two have your whole lives to get to know each other.”

Jared sighs. “Yeah, I guess.”

“You gotta talk to him, baby. If there are things you want to know, ask. He can’t read your mind.”

And that… makes a surprising amount of sense. “Thanks, mama.”

Sherri presses a quick kiss to Jared’s cheek before sliding off the stool. “Go talk to your boy, Jared.”

When Jared leaves his house a little while later, he feels lighter. More grounded, more sure of his relationship with Jensen. Yeah, they still have things to talk about, important things, but he’s more confident about where they stand than he was this morning.

He lets himself into Jensen’s house and follows the sounds of guitars and low pitched voices.

 

~ ~ ~

Jensen’s freaking out. Oh, he’s doing an awesome job of covering it up, letting Chris and Steve wrap him up in music. He’s got a guitar in his lap, fingers familiarizing themselves with the chords again, making it easy to let himself get swept away by it. Easy to forget the problems of the real word as Chris begins to sing, voice like honey and whiskey. Almost, at least. But it feels good, really good. And as he glances over at Chris and Steve, he can’t remember the last time he’s even played.

He never meant to keep them a secret, not intentionally anyway, and the fact that Jared is hurting because of it doesn’t sit well with him.

Steve’s right, if he wants this to work, he’s going to have to lay himself bare, completely. Something he’s struggled with since his parents kicked him to the curb. He’ll make this right because there isn’t any other option.

Jared’s worth it.

Relaxing, he bobs his head along to the beat, waits for just the right moment and easily falls into the lyrics.

“I’ll make you so happy, baby, just wait and see.” In front of him Steve grins and Jensen lets go. Gives it his all, because he can’t even remember the last time he’s done this. Sat around in whatever room they could find and sang.

“For every kiss you give me, I’ll give you three.”

He’s so wrapped up in what he’s doing, so involved, that he barely registers the sound of a shutter going off. It’s not until movement catches his eye that he realizes they’re not alone and his heart fucking stops, fumbles a couple lines before picking it right back up, his eyes never leaving hazel.

“Won’t you say you’ll be my darling, and be my baby now.”

His voice tapers off until there’s nothing but silence. And fuck, he knows that Chris and Steve are sitting right there, but the way he’s feeling right now, they might as well not be. He pushes to his feet, laying his guitar in the space he’s now vacating and takes a couple steps in Jared’s direction.

“Wow,” Jared breathes.

Jensen feels himself flush at that, but he’s giddy with it. He’s always pictured what it would be like to sing in front of Jared, for Jared, but with his book taking up most of his time, he hasn’t exactly had much time to make good on it.

“I didn’t know you could sing.”

Jensen tries not to feel guilty for that but he does anyways. So many things Jared doesn’t know and it’s really no one’s fault but his own. “I, fuck…” he stops, shrugs his shoulders.

“You meant to tell me?” Jared suggests, picking up on the thread that Jensen had let die. He nods his head sheepishly.

“Yeah.”

Jared stares at him for a long time, gaze considering and as much as he’s content to let Jared look his fill, his insides are all twisted up.  He really can’t tell if Jared’s pissed off at him or not, face closed off in a way it’s never been before.  Not with him.

“It’s okay, Jen,” he says after a while and it is so not what he had been expecting.

“It is?”

Jared nods his head, lets the camera in his hands hang down against his chest. “It is, really.” He moves forward, traces Jensen’s jaw line with his fingers before dropping them. “Mama informed me that we have all our whole lives to get to know each other.”

Jensen lets out the breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding and laughs softly. “Yeah, I think your mama’s right.” He grins and tugs on Jared’s hand, pulls him towards the chair he had been sitting in earlier. He picks up the guitar as he sits back down, Jared perched on the edge. “Should we play another?” he asks Chris and Steve.

“Hell yeah!”

“You pick, Jenny,” Steve says.

Jensen nods as he starts strumming.

“…but I was far from being made of gold…”

“Just to see you smile, I’d do anything…”

 

~ ~ ~

 

Jared’s in his element and loving every damn minute of it. It gives him a feel for what this could all be like in the future. Once he’s done with school, once he’s settled. And fuck, it feels good. It also certainly doesn’t help that Chris and Steve are naturals and gauging by the way they’re eating this shit up, they’re enjoying it too.

Chris winks at him, hand wrapping around the mic as he belts out the last remaining verses. Voice strong, rough and captivating. They have a good sound to them, unique, country with a little bit of rock. Gold ol’ Texas boys, right down to their core. And this, Jared thinks, this is just their rehearsal. He’s looking forward to seeing the bar paced with people. Can’t wait to see the women that push their way to the front of the stage in an attempt to capture Chris and Steve’s attention.

Jared can’t wait to get it all on camera.

When the song ends, Chris swings his guitar behind his back. “Well, what do you think, Padalecki?”

Jared shrugs, feigning indifference. “Eh, it was okay.”

Behind Chris, Steve chortles. “Fuck, I like you already. Last thing we need is for you to fall to your knees and tell Chris he’s God’s gift to music. He gets that enough already and its starting to go to his head.”

“Hey!” Chris yells, offended.

Steve pats him on the shoulder. “It’s true and you know it.”

Chris rolls his eyes and gives Steve a playful shove. “So, you’re coming to New York with Jensen, right? We have another killer show there, bigger crowd. It’s wicked.”

Jared stills at that, gaze lifting from where he was looking through the pictures on his camera to Chris. “What?”

“New York,” Chris says again, scratching at the back of his neck. “Guess Jensen hasn’t said anything to you about that yet, huh?”

Jared sighs and shakes his head. He lets his camera fall against his chest. “No, he hasn’t. He’s been pretty busy trying to finish his book, so it probably slipped his mind.”

“Yeah, probably.”

Turning, he makes his way off the stage and towards the bar. The place isn’t open yet but there’s someone behind the bar regardless, washing up a few of the glasses. He gets a curious glance but he doesn’t meet it, instead slides on to one of the stools a little dejectedly. He’s trying to tell himself that Jensen hadn’t kept New York from Jared on purpose, that it’s not like he’s moving back. Probably has a meeting with Danneel or something. Try as he might though, it still sucks that he hadn’t heard it from Jensen.

Jensen’s going away and he hadn’t even bothered to tell him.

The guy behind the bar sets down a drink in front of him. Says, “Looks like you need it.”

Jared nods, already bringing the drink to his lips. “Thanks.”

The bartender gives him a nod and continues cleaning the glasses. They don’t say anything else to each other and that’s just fine with Jared. He’s too wrapped up in his own shit to make conversation anyways.

“There you are, I was looking for you.”

Jared sets his empty class down, wincing slightly at the burn. “Well you found me.”

Jensen frowns as he slips onto the stool beside Jared. He can’t help wondering what the hell went wrong from the time he went to piss and now. He racks his brain for something but comes up empty handed. It’s obvious he did something though, if Jared’s rigid posture is anything to go on. He huffs. “So what did I do now?”

Jared’s head snaps around at that, brows pinched together. “What?”

“What did I do now?” he repeats.

Jared says nothing as he stares into his empty glass.  His insides are churning again and he’s already starting to hate this feeling. He can hear Jensen shuffling around beside him, making himself more comfortable. He’s waiting for Jared to talk, giving him that space he knows Jared needs to work out whatever is going on inside of his head and he can’t help but wonder when Jensen figured that out about him. How he could have.

On the stage, Chris and Steve make their way through another song and he gets lost in it. Drifts off with the lyrics and it’s a long while before he resurfaces.

“So, New York, huh?”

“Oh.” Fuck. Jensen turns in his chair so that he’s looking at Jared head on, even if he is looking down at his glass instead. “Chris tell you?”

“Does it matter who told me?”

“Guess not,” Jensen murmurs. “I was going to tell you.”

“Yeah?” Jared asks, finally turning to look at Jensen. “When? The day of or maybe, the day before?”

“You know I would have told you sooner than that, Jared. Fuck, I meant to. I just… got distracted by you and then the book and then this whole ‘what are we to each other’ thing and by then it just completely slipped my mind, okay?” He reaches out, touches Jared’s arm tentatively. He doesn’t know what else he can say or if there is even anything.  “I’m sorry, Jay.”

Jared’s shoulders sag at that, the tension that had coiled him up tight dissipating the moment Jensen says he’s sorry. He lifts a hand and covers the one Jensen has on his arm. “S’okay.”

“No, it’s not,” Jensen mumbles, turning Jared’s stool so that they’re facing each other. “I get that you’re feeling like I’m keeping stuff from you and I am so fucking sorry for that. It’s… I’m going to try, okay? Anything you want to know, Jay, just ask.”

Jared sighs, drops his forehead to Jensen’s. “You sound like my mama now. Told me that you can’t read my mind. Which I am beginning to think is a very big inconvenience, so maybe you should fix that.”

“You’re a dork.”

Jared presses his lips to Jensen’s, lets his tongue tease Jensen’s lips apart before pulling away. “So, how long will you be in New York for?”

“Couple days, a week tops,” Jensen replies.

“I’m going to miss you,” Jared admits shyly.

Jensen bumps his shoulder. “Me too.”

“Are you boys done having your very serious conversation?” Chris asks as he slides in next to them. “Because I remember hiring a certain photographer to take pictures of my hot ass.”

“You mean this saggy thing?” Steve asks, coming up behind Chris and giving his ass a very inappropriate grope that may have just evoked a very unmanly like sound from Chris. Not that anyone is going to call him on it, except Steve. “Ha. Such a chick, Kane.”

“Asshole,” he grumbles. “Anyways, as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, can we get back to having fun now, please?”

Jared laughs. “Yes, we definitely can.”

Chris grins. “Awesome! Round of shots for my friends, good sir.”

The bartender gives Chris a salute and arranges four shot glasses on the bar.

 

~ ~ ~

Jared’s not sure why he’s surprised at the turnout for Kane but he is. Standing off on the side of the stage, slightly out of view, he watches as the crowd thickens, everyone stopping what they’re doing to watch them. What surprises him the most though is Steve. He owns that stage just as much as Chris does, but doesn’t battle him for it. They’re a tight unit, secure in both of their abilities and complement each other in such a unique way it makes it almost possible to look away.

He snaps a couple more pictures and then makes his way back out to the floor. There’s no way he’s going to be able to get anywhere near the stage so he scans the room, finds an empty table not too far away unoccupied. He pushes his way through the crowd, jostles a couple people but they just grin at him and let him through.  He’s climbing up when one of the bouncers stop him.

“Photographer,” he explains, raising his voice above the noise, points at his camera for good measure.

The bouncer looks unsure but eventually gives a nod and sticks close by the table. Which Jared is more than thankful for, the last thing he needs is someone bumping into it and sending him toppling over. He takes another dozen pictures, camera tilted in different directions before he’s satisfied. He hops off and gives the burly bouncer a clap on his shoulder.

“Thanks, man.”

Then he’s off, weaving his way through the crowd, eyes scanning the room for Jensen. They lost each other throughout the night and Jared’s been a little too busy to look for him. Now, though, he’s got more than enough pictures and he’s a whole lot ready to unwind with his boyfriend. Heh. Boyfriend.

Ten minutes later, and no sign of Jensen yet, Jared decides to make his way back towards the bar. If anything, Jensen would be able to find him there. Dude’s fucking invisible anyways. He does a double scan of the area as he grabs one of the empty bar stools.

There’s a different guy behind the bar this time, kinda cute too with his wavy shoulder length black hair and crazy blue eyes. Huh. The guy looks up and catches his gaze, winks. Jared blushes and looks away. Yeah, so not what he should be doing right now. He swivels around in the stool, not quite ready to give up on finding Jensen.

“Haven’t seen you here before.”

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes Jared turns in the direction of the voice. The guy is a couple years older than Jared, slightly slimmer, but definitely not bad to look at, with his dirty blond hair and brown eyes. “First time,” he admits with a shrug.

The guy moves in closer, sliding onto the empty stool beside him. “Can I buy you a drink?”

“I’m good thanks,” Jared replies and gestures to the camera around his neck. “I’m actually working.”

The guy lifts a brow at that. “Photographer?”

Jared nods. “Yeah, the band wanted me to take some shoots of them tonight.”

“Cool.” The guy extends his hand. “I’m Justin.”

“Jared,” he says as he takes the guy’s hand.

“Jared,” Justin repeats, “I like that.”

“Kind of fond of it myself.”

“You sure I can’t buy you that drink, Jared?”

Jared rolls his lips through his teeth, considering before saying, “Sure what the hell.”

He gives the room one more quick scan and turns back around, ignoring the little bells going off in his hand that are telling him this isn’t a good idea. Tells himself there isn’t anything wrong with just having one drink. Beside him, Justin captures the bartender’s attention and signals for two beers, money already out on the counter.

Yeah, definitely bad idea.

He swallows past the guilt and decides he might as well make the best of this situation, start a little friendly conversation, until Jensen decides to appear again. A glance at the stage tells him that Chris and Steve are just about to wrap it up.

“You from around here, Jared?”

“Born and raised,” Jared answers, sipping at the beer in his hand. “You?”

“Same,” Justin tells him. “Though I moved out to L.A last year. I’m just here visiting some friends and family.”

“Cool.”

“I gotta be honest here, Jared.”

“Oh?” Jared cocks a brow at that.

“I’ve kind of been watching you all night.”

Oh fuck. Shit. “No, you haven’t.”

Justin tilts his head to the side, a small smile tugging at his lips. “I have.  Been trying to find an excuse to talk to you all night, actually. But you were always on the move or too busy.” He gestures to the camera around Jared’s neck and leans in, way closer than Jared would like him to be. “You’re pretty fucking sexy, Jared.”

Jared swallows, hard and tries to put some distance between them. Which is basically next to impossible, unless he wants to end up flat on his ass. Yeah, that’s just how close Justin is. “Look,” he starts, tongue coming out to wet his lips and that’s about as far as he gets before Justin is being yanked out of his space.

“What the hell?” Justin practically yells, flailing a little as he regains his balance on his stool.

“I think you were just leaving,” Jensen says, jaw tight.

Justin scowls and shoves Jensen’s hands off of him. “Uh, fuck you, buddy. Jared and I were just talking so…”

“And now you’re not.”

“You know this guy, Jared?” Justin asks, clearly flustered and more than little peeved.

And Jared fucking understands that feeling. He moves his eyes from Justin’s to look at Jensen, who is currently standing stock still and looking more than ready to throw a punch if he has to. Which is so fucking ridiculous.  He opens his mouth, words halted when Jensen beats him too it.

“Yeah,” he sneers, “I’m his boyfriend.”

Jared really should probably say something, like right now, any fucking time. But he can’t find the words, too stunned to even form them, because right now, he doesn’t even recognize Jensen. This whole, jealous, possessive shit is something that he hasn’t seen yet and seeing it now, up close and personal, Jared is kind of wishing that he hadn’t. It’s not pretty, not pretty at all.

“Jared?” Its’ clear Justin is looking for him to confirm, torn between wanting to lay into Jensen and not wanting to step where he shouldn’t be – even though he technically he already has, but there is no way for Justin to know that. It isn’t like Jared told him any different.

He’s going to need a lot more alcohol to deal with this. He grabs his beer, downs the contents in one easy gulp. “Yeah,” he mutters. “He’s my boyfriend.”

Looking dejected, Justin slides off the stool. “Didn’t mean to cause any trouble.” He gives Jared a little wave and then he’s disappearing into the crowd.

Jensen’s quick to take the now empty seat.

Jared sits there for a long moment, staring at the empty bottle in front of him, trying to process what the hell just happened.  “What the hell was that, Jensen?”

Jensen looks at him, scowling as the hand he raised to signal the bartender drops. “He was hitting on you.”

“Yeah, so?”

Jensen frowns. “Did you fucking want him to hit on you?”

“Well, no,” Jared says, exasperated. “But I could have handled that myself, you know. Actually, I was about to until you decided to act like a possessive jerk.”

“A possessive jerk, huh?”

“Yeah.”

Jensen nods and hops off the stool, takes all of two steps before spinning back around and crowding into Jared’s space. “You haven’t seen possessive, Jared. You have no idea.” Hands on Jared’s chair, he turns him around, cages Jared in. “You want to be with me? Well, I’m warning you right now I’m not easy to be with. I’m jealous, I can be insecure as all fucking hell, and when something’s mine and I do mean mine, you can bet your ass I am going to be possessive.”

He removes his hands from the bar, grabs Jared’s face. “There’s still so much we don’t know about each other, Jared and some of my shit? It’s not always pretty. You still want me, Jay? Because this, this is just the tip of the iceberg.”

“I’m not property, Jen.”

Jensen drops his hands, takes a couple steps back. “You’re right. You’re not. And you deserve so much better than anything I could ever give you.”

“Jen…” Jared reaches out, only his fingers meet air as Jensen pivots on his feet and walks away.

 

~ ~ ~

 

He’s doing Jared a favour, or at least that’s what Jensen is telling himself as he pushes through the crowd, narrowly missing shoving them all out of his way. Fuck, when did it get so hot in here? Whatever, doesn’t matter. Couple more steps and he’ll be out of here and in the muggy summer Texas heat. He doesn’t bother looking behind him to see if Jared’s following him. He already knows the answer anyways.

What he pulled back there? That’s just what he did every single goddamn time. Which is so why he swore off any form of dating to begin with and why he told himself not to get involved with the golden boy from across the street. Look how well that turned out.

Pushing out of the bar, he steps out into the nearly deserted streets. God. What the hell had he even been thinking? Went and fell in love, what the ever living fuck is he supposed to do with that now? He isn’t capable of loving someone, not really. Too fucked up for it, too…insecure.

With shaking hands he pulls out his phone, calls the one person who has always been there, through thick and fucking thin and when the call connects after the second ring, Jensen breaks down.

“Josh,” he chokes.

 

~ ~ ~

 

It takes watching Jensen disappear and a solid two minutes after the fact for Jared to scramble off of his stool and take off after him. Stops short in the middle of the bar, chest heaving as he realizes that he has no fucking idea where Jensen went. Just that he left… and that he has no idea why. They had been okay, great really and then they weren’t. And all because of some random guy hitting on him.

Yeah, Jensen had been a little intense, but Jared didn’t care about that. Fuck. He loves Jensen, so goddamn much that he is having a lot of difficulty thinking of anything else.  God, did Jensen just break up with him?

He whirls around, eyes searching frantically but coming up with nothing – well, until they land on Chris and Steve hoping off the stage. Jared pushes his way through the crowd, doesn’t stop until he’s grabbing onto Chris’s arm.

“Have you seen Jensen?”

“No,” Chris answers, brows furrowing as in takes Jared in. “What’s wrong?”

“That’s the thing, I don’t know,” Jared says, frantic now. “He just… fuck.” He takes a deep breath, feels it catch in his throat and drops his hands to his knees. “Fuck… fuck.”

“Woah.” Worried, Chris drops a soothing hand to Jared’s back. “Taker easy, Jared.”

Jared shakes his head. “Can’t… Jen just left.”

“Let’s get him outside,” Steve suggests, already motioning them towards the side exit.

Jared lets himself be led out of the crowded bar.

“Okay, let’s try this again, Jared. What happened?”

Jared nods and leans up against the building, focuses on keeping his breathing even. “I... I was at the bar. I had been looking for Jensen for a while and couldn’t find him, so I decided to just wait for him at the bar, you know? And then this guy sat down beside me and he was friendly enough. Bought me a beer and I took it, ‘cus it wasn’t like I could order it myself and we were talking and then he started hitting on me. Got real close and before I could tell him I had a boyfriend, Jensen was pulling him away.”

“Shit,” Steve mutters.

“What happened after?” Chris asks.

“I told him he was being a possessive jerk and then he went on about this is who he is and that this is just the tip of the iceberg.” Jared sighs, suddenly so very fucking tired. “I told him I wasn’t property and he said, you’re right you aren’t. And then he left, well, after he told me I deserved so much more than he could give me.”

“Of fucking course he did,” Steve groans.

“Steve...” Chris sighs.

“What?” Jared asks but Chris is shaking his head.

“We’ll deal with it okay? Just… go home, Jared.”

“What? No.” He pushes off the wall. “I’m not just going to go home. I need to talk to Jensen.”

“Trust me when I tell you it isn’t going to do any good right now. Go home, wait him out. He’ll come back Jared.”

“He has to sort this out for himself, Jared,” Steve explains, dropping a hand to his shoulder. “Sucks, I know but Jensen is… dramatic.”

“And stupid,” Chris adds.

“You really think he’s going to come back?”

Chris nods. “Definitely.”

“Can you drive me home?”

Steve wraps an arm around Jared’s shoulder and pulls him off the wall. “We’re heading in that direction anyway.”

“Thanks,” Jared mumbles.

“Christ, you two have had quite the day,” Chris shakes his head as they make their towards their rental car. Jared can’t really do anything else but nod his head in agreement.

When he crawls into his own bed a little while later, it he doesn’t fall asleep. Not for a long time.

 

 

 


	10. Be My Baby

Jensen’s cell phone wakes him up the next morning and he fumbles for it with sleep blurred eyes, barely glances at the screen to see who’s calling before connecting the call. “’Lo?”

“Still alive, that’s good.”

Josh. Great. He rolls pushes himself up into a sitting position and rubs at his eyes with the back of his hand. He should have figured that his brother would be calling to check in on him and seeing that he had been a mess last night, Jensen can’t really blame him. “There a reason that you’re calling at like… What time is it?”

“Ten.”

Jensen huffs. “Oh.”

There’s a beat of silence before Josh speaks again. “How you feeling, really?”

“Pretty loaded question, big brother.” He sighs. How does he feel? Certainly not good, that’s for sure. Feels like he’s hung over, you know just without the aid of alcohol. Emotional hangover, ha! That’s a new one.

“I’m going to say something and I want you to know it’s only because I love you, okay?”

Jensen groans. “Spit it out.” He would really just like to get this over with so he could go back to bed and pretend that none of this really happened. Kind of hard though, when Jared’s side of the bed is cold. Probably should worry him that Jared even has a side of the bed in his bed.

“Okay,” Josh mutters, and there’s an edge to his voice that Jensen doesn’t recall hearing last night.  He wonders how out of it he must have been if he hadn’t detected it. That, or Josh was waiting until now to lay into him. Which is definitely where this is going, he can tell. “I think you’re a fucking idiot for pulling what you did last night. But not just an idiot, a coward too.”

“Don’t hold back, Josh.”

Josh sighs, and Jensen can almost see him running an exasperated hand down his face. It almost makes him smile. “You know what I mean, Jensen. You just ran out, didn’t even give Jared a chance to respond.  Also, I’m kind of upset that I haven’t heard of the guy until last night.”

Jensen’s really going to have to work on keeping in better touch with Josh. It’s a little unnerving to realize how much he’s been holding back with everyone, Jared included. “Fuck, Josh…”

“I know, you didn’t do it intentionally. It’s just something you do.”

“Still doesn’t make it right,” he says, body sagging against the headboard. “I don’t even know why I do it.”

“You can still fix it, you know,” Josh tells him, softer this time. Like he really believes that Jensen can.

Jensen’s not so sure. “I don’t know…”

“You telling me you’re really going to let him get away?”

Jensen bites down on his bottom lip. Is that what he really wants? To let Jared go? See him every day, live across the street from him and know that he can never really have him anymore? He doesn’t think he would be able to stand it. But on the other hand… “I have issues, man. Big ones.”

“Then work through them together. Lay it all on the table and see what happens. You love him don’t you?”

Jensen doesn’t hesitate. “With everything I’ve got.”

“Then talk to him, work it out, if you think it’s worth it.”

Josh is right, of course he is. How many times has Jensen told himself that Jared is worth it? God, more times than he can count and yet, he still went and fucked it up anyways. Let his insecurities take over instead of facing them head on.

Still… “I have to think about it.”

“If he makes you happy, Jensen, don’t let him go.”

“I’ll try not to,” Jensen whispers.

“Call me later okay? I… I worry about you.”

“I know, Josh. I’ll call you.”

“Bye, little brother.”

Jensen says his goodbyes and hangs up. He doesn’t know how he feels, not right now, but he does know that he has a lot to think about. And he knows he won’t have to do it alone judging by the puttering that was going on in his kitchen. Chris and Steve never did learn the definition of quiet.

Climbing out of bed, he pulls on a ratty t-shirt and heads out to find his friends, surprised by just how much he needs them right now.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Jared wakes up to a quiet house and an empty bed and immediately wants to roll over and back to sleep. Being awake makes everything that much more real. Jensen walked out on him last night, without an explanation, nothing and he has no idea why. Chris had tried to be reassuring when he drove him home last night, but it hadn’t helped. Not even a little bit.

At this point, he doesn’t think anything could.

Rolling over, he tosses the blankets off and climbs out of bed. As much as he would like to mope all day, he can’t. He has the bonfire tonight, a last hurrah with his friends before they leave next week. To start their own lives, while Jared is stuck here, heartbroken and miserable. He’s kind of wishing he would have chosen a college out of state. Far, far away from Texas. However, he couldn’t have predicted how his summer would turn out and even with everything that’s happened, he doesn’t think he would change a minute of it.

Even now, with this dull ache in his chest that felt like too much, it was worth it. He’ll just have to deal, like he always does and yeah, it sucks that he won’t have the support of his friends to get him all the way through it, but he has his mama and she’s really all he needs anyways. All he’s never needed.

He bypasses the bathroom, already vetoing the idea of a shower. A little pointless seeing as he’ll be pulled out to the clearing in a couple hours, to set up and whatever. Instead, he ties his hair out of his face and into a messy bun, longer now seeing as he hasn’t bothered to get a trim.

He finds a note for him in the kitchen, written in his mama’s loopy handwriting.

Love you <3 I’ll be home later tonight if you want to talk. I’ll wait up. xo, Mama.

Jared smiles as he folds the note and sticks it in his pocket. He pours himself a bowl of cereal and hunkers down at the kitchen table, leafs through the newspaper his mama left there absently. He’s in the middle of reading the sports section when his phone buzzes. One quick look at the screen tells him it’s Chad.

“You better be dressed,” Chad tells him when the call connects.

“Still in my pajamas, actually,” Jared replies, scooping up another spoon full of Captain Crunch.  

“Dude, seriously? Whatever, I am picking your ass up in two got it?”

“Loud and clear,” Jared chuckles, crunching loudly in Chad’s ear.

“Your front door open?” Chad asks.

“Should be.”

“Good, ‘cus I’m here and coming in so you better not be pulling my leg when you say you’re wearing clothes.”

Jared’s throat tightens at that but he manages to say, “No, definitely dressed.”

Chad hangs up and it’s a couple beats before the front door is opening and closing, and the asshole is making his way into the kitchen with a hand covering his eyes. “You decent? Tell me you’re decent.”

Jared rolls his eyes as he pushes out of his chair and rinses out his bowl. “I’m alone, you asshole.”

Chad drops his hand. “Oh. Where’s Jensen?”

Jared shrugs. “At home, I think.”

“You think?” Chad questions, clearly confused now as he moves further into the kitchen.

“Haven’t really seen him since last night,” Jared admits, turning to lean against the counter. “I… I think we might have broken up.”

Chad doesn’t say anything, not at first and Jared can all but see the gears working in his head. It makes him want to laugh despite himself. “What do you mean, you might have broken up?”

“That’s the thing, Chad. I really don’t know.” He pushes off the counter and plops right back down in the chair he had been sitting in earlier. Chad quickly joins him, his face a mixture of anger and concern. “The last couple days have been difficult, ya know? But I thought we worked through it all; that we were going to be okay. But… fuck.”

He drops his head into his hands, huffs in frustrations. “Some guy was hitting on me last night and Jensen just lost his shit. Went on about how when something was his, he was damn well going to be possessive about it….”

Chad listens as he talks, nodding every once in a while but never interrupting and when Jared’s done talking, has said everything that he needs to, Chad pulls him into a hug. Which is all kinds of awkward with the table between them and digging into his stomach, but he can’t quite care. He needs this.

“I think he’s stupid,” Chad mutters when he lets Jared go.

Jared does laugh at that. “I can’t argue with that.”

“Have you talked to him since?”

“Chris seemed to think it was better if I let Jensen stew for a while,” Jared mutters, turning his head to look out the kitchen window. He didn’t really have a view of Jensen’s house, but it’s enough to know that he’s right there.

“What do you think?”

Jared shrugs, returns his attention to Chad. “I think Chris knows him a lot better than I do, so…”

“You say that like you don’t know Jensen at all, Jay. Which we both know is bullshit.”

Jared frowns. “What?”

“Exactly what I said, man. You two are epic together, okay and yeah, I’ve only seen it up close a couple times, because you two are like hermits or something, but from what I’ve seen, it’s intense. Sure, there’s still shit you have to learn about him and I’m sure mama’s told you this already, ‘cus I know you went running to her first, but you can figure that out as you go.”

Jared looks at Chad incredulously. “Where’s Chad and what have you done with him?”

Chad rolls his eyes and gives Jared a shove. “You know I have a point, you fucker.”

Jared sighs and slumps back in his chair. “What if he doesn’t want to find out with me?”

“Then that’s his fucking loss, man. But if you want my opinion, Jay. I think he’s going to come around. He would be stupid not to.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“I am right,” Chad grins as he stands up, pulls Jared with him. “Now go fucking get dressed, we have shit to do.”

Flipping Chad off, Jared heads back upstairs to his bedroom. He has no fucking idea what he’s going to do when Chad leaves next week.

 

~ ~ ~

Chris slaps him upside the head and that’s that. He doesn’t press for details or ask any questions and Jensen’s okay with that. More than okay with it actually. He’s more than content to work through the mess in his head on his own. Plus, knowing that Chris and Steve are sticking around for the rest of the day and are here if he actually does need to talk through his feelings, it helps.

So instead of talking, they’re spread out in his living room with their guitars in their laps, like they used to do. Back when Jensen still lived in New York and they saw each other regularly. Back when they’d pull Jensen up on stage and force him to sing with them. The good ole’ days, depending on how you looked at it. He was pretty messed up back then, still is.

For a while he doesn’t think about Jared, let’s himself get carried away as they play song after song, Jensen singing a few of them. He puts his all into it too, doesn’t realize it until the last song fades away and Chris looks up at him, brow quirked up and a smirk playing at his lips.

“What?” he asks scowling in return.

“Just wondering what you’re still doing here,” Chris replies with a shrug, propping his guitar up against the wall as he sinks further into his couch. Steve does the same, stretching out with a look that tells Jensen that they’re so going to talk about this now.

He really should have known they wouldn’t have let it slide completely. The assholes.

Jensen sighs. “Still sorting it out.”

“I think you got it all sorted out, Jenny,” Steve points out. “Put it all out there in that last song.”

“So what if I did?’ Jensen challenges, pushes to his feet to put his guitar away. “You can’t say anything to me that I haven’t already heard from Josh, okay?” He snatches up his beer, takes a small tip and scowls when he finds it warm. “Fucking gross.”

“There’s gotta be more to it, Jenny,” Steve says quietly, looking up as Jensen starts walking around the room, agitated. “More than your possessive streak, or at least more of a reason behind it.”

“Maybe,” Jensen murmurs. “Or maybe I’m just scared that one day he’s just going to decide that I’m too much.”

“Or maybe he won’t,” Chis points out. “You won’t know unless you try, Jensen. And after everything you’ve been through, you deserve to be fucking happy, man.”

“I am happy though,” Jensen whispers, stopping to look at Chris.

“No, you were happy.”

“Stop making sense Chris, I hate it.”

Chris chuckles and pushes to his feet, drops his hands on Jensen’s shoulders. “Listen to me, you asshole. Get your head out of your ass and go talk to Jared.”

“What if he doesn’t want to talk to me?” Jensen asks quietly.

“He wants to talk to you Jensen. You didn’t see him last night.”

And Chris is right, he didn’t. He had hightailed it out of there instead of facing it head on. Like a coward, just like Josh said. He sighs and moves away from Chris’s touch.

“You really want to let him go, Jenny?” Steve questions.

“God, no.”

“Then what the hell are you waiting for?”

What is he waiting for? He can sit here and think about all the ways he could fuck things up more or he could dive in and go after what he wants and see how it all plays out as it goes. Day by day. Because the way he feels about Jared? That isn’t going to go away, ever, and he’d definitely rather have Jared at his side than not. Through the good and the bad.

“I don’t know. I should… I should go to him.”

Steve grins. “Damn right, you should.”

“I’m going,” Jensen nods, eyes darting over to the clock across the room and curses softly. “He’s probably already at the clearing.” Which means he’s not alone and dammit, he really didn’t want to have to do this with an audience but… He turns, heading towards his room and stops. “You guys going to be okay?” he wonders, looking over at his friends.

“We’re big boys,” Chris tells him. “Plus we got a flight to catch in a couple hours so we should probably be heading out.”

“Oh, okay.” Jensen doubles back and pulls Chris into a hug. “Thanks.”

“Just doing my duties as a best friend.”

Jensen hugs Steve next, burrows into it a little more. “It was nice seeing you.”

Steve claps him on the back as he tightens his grip on Jensen. “Quit being a stranger, ya hear?”

“Definitely,” Jensen agrees as he eases back. “Uh… I’m going to go get dressed.”

“We’ll let ourselves out. See ya in New York.”

Jensen grins and jogs to his room.

He’s going to go see Jared.

He’s going to fix things, he has to.

 

~ ~ ~

 

~ ~ ~

 

The night is warm, unsurprisingly so and already there’s a fine sheen of sweat coating Jared’s skin and dampening his shirt.  He ignores it though, far too intent on roasting a marshmallow because yummy melted goodness is exactly what he needs right now. Whatever, he’s sensitive, okay. Plus, Sandy’s constant chirping is going to require some kind of sugar to handle. Or booze, there’s definitely no shortage of that. But he’s not really in the mood for much of anything right now and that’s really starting to bum him out.

He pulls his marshmallow out of the fire, blows on it before popping it into his mouth. It’s hot, really fucking hot and he fans his mouth a little bit, making all kinds of ridiculous noises that has everyone looking over at him, not nearly surprised. Chad just shakes his head and turns back to whatever Jake is talking about animatedly.

Sandy gives him a little shove, clearly put out. “Have you been listening to anything I’m saying?”

Jared sighs, feeling guilty. He really hasn’t been. “I’m sorry, Sands.”

“Does this have anything to do with why Jensen’s not here?”

“No,” he lies. He hasn’t told anyone, excluding Chad, about what happened between him and Jensen, not after deciding that he would much rather like tonight to be about them and not about him. The whole, I think Jensen and I broke up could totally wait for another day.

Sandy frowns, not looking very convinced. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure,” he says, feigning mock annoyance as he drops an arm around her shoulders and tugs her close. “I’m just sad that I won’t be seeing your pretty face every day anymore.”

Sandy chuckles at that. “You’re such a dork. I’ll send you selfies all the time, so you don’t forget what I look like.”

“And I’ll save them all,” he grins and presses a kiss to her temple. “I love you, Sands.”

“Are getting all mushy on me, Jay?”

Jared shrugs, arm dropping as he shoves another marshmallow onto his stick. “Me? Never.”

“I love you too.”

“You fucking better.”

Jared lets his gaze drift around the bonfire, watching as his friends goof off and animatedly tell stories he hasn’t heard in a while. Stuff that goes way back. He smirks, knowing that most of them are embellished to the max and mostly by Chad. He has the knack for making them all sound more badass than they actually were. It’s something he’s going to miss.

The water is lapping at the shore, its beat soothing and he drops his head against Sandy’s shoulder as Chand launches into a story about the time he’d walked in on Mr. Beaver and Ms. Ferris making out in his office. Something Chad swears he could have gone his whole life without seeing. Whether there’s actual truth behind it or not, Jared’s positive he’ll never know. It wasn’t like either teacher were even seen out in public together, so he’s almost positive that Chad is full of shit. Like usual.

“You gonna take some pictures, Jay?” Sandy asks quietly.

Jared lifts his head off her shoulder and reaches for the camera bag he left at his side. “Definitely.” Pulling his camera out, he fiddles around with the settings, attaches the flash and pushes to his feet. Around him can hear the collective groans.

“Jared’s got his camera out again.”

“Shut up, Gen, you love it.”

Jared rolls his eyes and moves around them, snapping candid’s whenever they’re too distracted to realize. Captures one of Chad mid scowl and he chuckles, knowing that it will probably be one of his favourites.  And when Jake pulls Chad close, lips pressing against his cheek, Jared is quick to catch that one as well, knows it will be the first thing he emails to Chad when he’s gone.

Huh.  His friendship with Chad has always been solid, a little deeper than the rest of the group, but until today, he didn’t realize just how much. He sighs, turning away from them to lavish attention on his favourite lesbians. Katie flips him off, but Genevieve gives him a big goofy smile that clenches at his heart.

He’s going to fucking miss all of them.

He drops down between the girls and holds the camera up awkwardly, a reminder to himself that he has to be in at least a couple of these pictures.

Next, he lowers onto his haunches and takes some pictures of Sandy where she’s sitting a piece of driftwood, chin propped in her hand. She’s staring at the water, only half visible with the moonlight and he shifts, gets a couple different angles. Sandy has always been one his favourite subjects, face round, skin tone amazing and quite simply, stunning.

He lowers his camera, and it’s pretty much on the tip of his tongue to tell her that he loves her again, that he loves all of them, but Chad clearing his throat snags Jared’s attention instead. He looks over, brow cocked and frowns, not quite making out what Chad’s trying to tell him. At least until Chad huffs and points to the edge of the clearing where hard ground meets sand.

And then he gets it.

He glances down, not quite ready to meet Jensen’s gaze and busies himself with putting his camera back in his bag, before pushing to his feet. He’s nervous, not at all sure what he’s supposed to do now. Logically he knows he has to talk to Jensen; that he needs to but… he’s more than a little terrified. There’s always that chance that Jensen came here to end it, for real this time, and that’s something that he doesn’t want to think about, let alone deal with.

He chews on his bottom lip, mind racing. If that’s what Jensen wants to do he wouldn’t have come here, when he’s saying goodbye to his friends and break up with him, would he? No, he wouldn’t. Jared likes to think he knows Jensen well enough to know that.

Chad pulls Jared out of his head. “You okay, Jay?”

Jared sighs and shrugs. He’s about as okay as he’s going to be, he thinks. And he’s being a coward. Stealing himself, he makes his way to where Jensen is waiting, hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans. He looks good, Jared muses begrudgingly. Thin grey shirt, washed out jeans and flip-flops. He looks tired though, nerves a little frayed and Jared snorts.

Figures Jensen would look good even at his worst.

He stops just in front of Jensen. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Jensen lets himself drink Jared in, the weariness in his eyes, the way he’s holding himself rigid. Holding back. He swallows hard, hating that he’s the reason Jared’s on the defensive. “Uh, can we talk?” He gestures to the other side of the clearing and forces his feet to move when Jared nods his head.

Jared follows behind Jensen and drops down in the sand when they’re far enough away from the curious ears of his friends. He brings his knees up, wraps his arms around them and listens to the sound of crashing waves, has to bite down on his tongue to keep himself from saying anything because he knows Jensen needs to start this. He isn’t the one who left Jensen sitting at the bar, confused as all hell while he took off. So yeah, Jensen definitely needs to start this and this way, Jared will know exactly why he’s here.

It takes a while, a minute turns into two, until they’ve been sitting in silence of what feels like hours. But eventually Jensen shifts, eyes looking away from the water to Jared and he watches as Jensen’s mouth opens and closes, fists bunch in frustration. And God, he really doesn’t want to laugh at that, but he does anyways. A low, barely audible chuckle that’s drowned out by the waves.

“I don’t know where to start,” Jensen says quietly.

“The beginning?” Jared suggests.

Jensen nods and folds his legs underneath him, fingers trailing through the sand as he collects his thoughts. He’s kind of wishing that he would have put them all down on paper before he came out here. As lame as that would have been, he probably wouldn’t be fumbling like he is right now.

He gathers up a handful of sand, lets it fall. “You remember when I told you about my parents?”

“I do,” Jared answers, turning some to get a better look at Jensen. He tells himself that whatever Jensen has to say that he’s not going to interrupt, only listen. Even if that means he has to chew the shit out of his lip, like he always does when he’s nervous or upset.

“Guess that’s where all my issues stem from,” he mutters rubbing at the back of his neck. “Look, let me just start off saying this. I have never once thought of you like property, Jared. Fuck. I told myself when I came here I didn’t have time for this, that I was here for my book and that was it. And then I looked out the window and saw you… and everything I thought I knew blew up in my face.” He groans. “God that came out wrong.”

Jared shrugs, gestures for Jensen to continue. “S’fine.”

“I’m so out of my element here, Jay. Writing books I’m good at, communicating in real life? Not so much. I’m only a good friend half the time and we both already know that I fail as a boyfriend.” He trails off, finds himself looking back out at the water.

Without thinking Jared reaches out, takes Jensen’s hand in his own. “You don’t fail,” he mumbles, corners of his lips tugging up a little. “You’re not necessarily good at it, but who is?”

Jensen chuckles at that, soft and throaty and it washes over Jared, makes him want to burrow in and forget about everything. Yet they need to do this, talk this through and Jensen gives Jared’s hand a quick squeeze before releasing it.

“Guess what I’m trying to say here, is that when that shit went down with my parents, it fucked me up bad. I lost everything, in a blink of an eye, and…. I guess you can say when I’m not holding myself back, I’m holding on too fucking tight. Scared that the people in my life will either be taken from me, or leave on their own. Its…” he frowns, struggling. “It’s a piss poor excuse for how I treated you last night, but it is what it is.”

“Jen…”

“I don’t want your pity, Jared. Hell, I don’t even expect you to understand because I’m not even sure if I understand it myself.” He pauses, gathers more sand in his hand as he glances at Jared. “When I first moved out here, I had nearly tricked myself into thinking that I was happy. Why wouldn’t I be, right? I have everything that I’ve always wanted. But I wasn’t. Not until…”

“Not until what?” Jared asks quietly, heart knocking against his ribs as hope blossoms in his chest. He needs to hear it, needs the words.

Jensen gives him a shaky smile. “Until you.”

It’s everything that Jared wants to hear and still he’s hesitant. There’s something he needs to say first. “I know my mama told me we have our whole lives to get to know each other, but Jen. There’s stuff I want to know about you now and not later. I want to know your friends and not just when they show up on your door step and I want them to become my friends too. And… I want to know that when there’s something going on in your life that you will tell me.”

“I know this is probably selfish as hell, but I want to know that I’m going to be the first person you want to tell something to.” It feels like he says it all in one big long breath and by the time he finishes, he’s breathless.

“That all?” Jensen asks.

“For now,” Jared shrugs. “I’ll probably think of more stuff later. If there is a later.”

“Do you want there to be later?”

This time when Jared grins, he doesn’t hold back. Let’s it light up his entire face and damn if it doesn’t make him feel good. He doesn’t do mopey, it doesn’t suit him. “You really asking me that, Jen?”

“I think you just love me for my books,” Jensen teases, laughing when he realizes how fucking good it feels to do that. Thankfully, Jared laughs too as he reaches out to give him a shove.

When their laughter eventually dies off, Jared says, “It’s just one of the many small reasons why I love you.”  

Jensen raises a brow at that, chest tightening. “What’s the big part?”

“Everything else about you,” Jared replies. “The way you’re grumpy in the morning before your coffee, or when you kick me out to get writing done, just… everything.” He shrugs, glancing behind his shoulder to where his friends are still gathered around the fire, their gazes so pointedly not looking in their direction. He smirks.

“So you love me?”

Jared rolls his eyes as he returns his attention back to Jensen, hazel locking with green, and smirk disappearing. Jensen’s eyes are hopeful, yet distant, not quite ready to cling to the notion that, yeah, Jared fucking loves him a lot. And for the first time, Jared really understands it. Understands why Jensen holds himself back, why he’s been keeping things to himself or leaving things out, however unintentionally it all may be. He… gets it, really.

So he shifts onto his knees, scoots closer and cups Jensen’s cheeks in his hands, holds on, thumbs pressing into skin. “You don’t have to say it back,” he whispers, “but I do, Jen. I love you.” He means it, however much time Jensen needs to wrap his head around it all, around them, Jared is willing to wait. Plus, he doesn’t need those words because the way Jensen is looking at him right now? It tells him everything he needs to know.  

Jensen closes his eyes, breathing quickening as Jared’s words wash over him. Jared loves him and it’s so evident in his face, in the way he holds himself and his touch. He wets his lips, let’s himself bask in the warmth that radiates from Jared’s touch. It washes through him, grounds him in ways that he never thought possible. He’s got a lot to work through, they both do, but right here, right now, he has faith that they’ll make it.

And fuck… “I love you too, Jay,” he murmurs.

Jared swallows, hard. “You do?”

Jensen nods. “Of course I do.”

Jared doesn’t say anything, can’t find the words anyway, so he crushes his mouth to Jensen’s. Says everything and so much more with the brush of lips and the lap of his tongue. Takes it deeper when Jensen’s arms wrap around his middle and pull him close, laughing slightly as they topple over.

“Oops.”

“Better like this anyways,” Jared hums, hands running down Jensen’s side as he fits his lips back to Jensen’s.

It feels like hours later when they finally part, breathing heavy. Jared drops his forehead against Jensen’s. “You’re not allowed to do that to me anymore, Jen.”

Jensen skims his fingers along the back of Jared’s neck. “I won’t.”

“Okay.”

They stay like that for a long time, wrapped up in each other. All too soon though, Jared is pulling back. “I should probably go rejoin the group.”

Jensen flicks his gaze back and forth between Jared and his friends. “You want me to come with?”

“Duh.”

Jensen chuckles as they sit up. “You sure Chad isn’t going to kill me or anything? He’s been glaring at me since I got here.”

“He’ll get over it,” Jared says. “What he won’t get over, is if we end up ditching the bonfire when it’s their last weekend here for a while.”

Jensen nods and tangles his fingers with Jared’s. “Well, lead the way, Jay.”

 

~ ~ ~

Jared had told himself earlier that he wouldn’t cry, that he would be strong enough to get through the string of hugs and goodbyes without cracking. And he does, right until he climbs into Jensen’s SUV, after giving Chad one more hug for good measure. That’s when the tears fall. Not a steady stream that makes his breath hitch and has his face covered in snot. No, just the tears that fall slowly and he wipes them away, feeling slightly annoyed.

He doesn’t want to do this. It’s not like he’s never going to see them again. When Jensen’s hand falls against his thigh, Jared forces himself to take a deep breath before giving him a shaky smile. “Thanks,” he murmurs.

Another squeeze and Jared lets himself melt into the seat. There’s no way he can possibly begin to explain how much he’s going to miss having his friends around all the time. Who else is going to whisper all their dirty little conquests into his ear, and how James Lafferty has the best hands? Or drag him out of the house to get into stupid shit?

It’s not that he’s worried that he isn’t going to make new friends come September - , he knows that he will - he’s worried that they’ll never be able to compare to the ones he already has. Maybe, he thinks, that’s a good thing.

He shifts, drops a hand against Jensen’s and laces their fingers together, silently admits that it’s going to help knowing that he has Jensen around to help him through it. God, he’s kind of pathetic.

Shifting in his seat, he lets his gaze wander to Jensen. Takes in his shadowed profile and commits it all to memory as he lets the events of tonight reply over again in his mind. Jensen loves him, like, really loves him and it’s so much more than he could have ever imagined. It should scare him a little bit, all these feelings bottling around inside of him, they’re intense, so much deeper than he ever anticipated at his age and that’s exactly it… at his age.

Huh.

He rolls his bottom lip through his teeth and looks away, wonders what they’re supposed to do from here.

The comfortable silence that envelops them turns awkward when they pull onto their street and he sees Jensen’s hands tighten around the steering as they approach Jensen’s house.

And the uncomfortable silence follows when Jensen pulls into the drive way and cuts the engine.

“So…” Jensen starts, voice small and unsure. Jared doesn’t like that at all. “I… Did you want to come in?”

It takes a minute for Jensen’s words to register and when they do, Jared can’t help the laugh that bubbles out. Fortunately, the look on Jensen’s face is enough to have him sobering quickly. “Oh, that was a serious question.”

Jensen frowns. “Yeah. Look if you want to take some-”

Jared cuts him off with a shake of his head. “No, I want to come in, Jensen. I was laughing because there is obviously nowhere else I would rather be right now.” He hops out of the SUV and shrugs. “Figured you knew that.”

Jensen follows suit and walks with Jared to the front door. “Didn’t want to assume.”  Slipping his key into the lock, he opens the door and steps back to let Jared through first and narrowly resists the urge to slap him upside the head when he waggles his eyebrows at Jensen.

He kicks off his flip-flops, heads into the kitchen where he grabs two beers and hands one to Jared before hopping up on the kitchen counter. He untwists the cap, takes a long drink, totally not prepared for how awkward this would be. But considering everything that happened within the last twenty-four hours, it’s totally understandable, no matter how much he hates it.

Jared’s right there, so close that he could touch, but he doesn’t know if he can. Which is stupid, considering not even two minutes ago Jensen had his hand on Jared’s thigh, had Jared’s fingers twined with his.

Relationships are hard and this totally sucks. He takes another drink and sets his beer down beside him. “This is totally weird.”

Jared hums his agreement and sets his beer down beside Jensen’s as he easily fits himself in the v of Jensen’s legs. “Only ‘cus we’re letting it be,” he mumbles, arms coming up to wrap around Jensen’s neck. “What do you say we start fresh, Ackles? Take everything we’ve learned tonight and run with it, instead of focusing on the bad?”

Jensen lets his hands fall to Jared’s hips and pulls him in closer. “I think you’re onto something, Padalecki.”

“That’s kind of the plan,” Jared smirks, easing away from Jensen.

Jensen watches as Jared wraps long fingers around his beer and slowly starts to back out of the kitchen. “Where you going?”

Jared shrugs, the smirk on his lips turning into something much dirtier. “Well, I’m going to text my mama and then I am going to go get naked.”

Jensen sputters at that. “Uh, not very sexy, Jay.”

Jared blushes at that but doesn’t comment, just disappears around the corner and out of sight, leaving Jensen still sitting on the counter and without any idea what the hell he’s still doing there. With an amused shake of his head, he hops off the counter and follows after Jared.

He finds Jared in the middle of his room, shirt already stripped off and shorts slipped down to mid-thigh. Jared looks up when he hears him approach, smirks and kicks the shorts rest of the way off. Jensen’s mouth goes dry.

“Fuck.”

“You like?” Jared asks, stark naked and proud.

Jensen nods, like a fucking idiot, because what is there not to like? Jared’s built like a Greek God and that’s all kinds of unfair. Stilling growing too, which makes it even more of a kicker. He swallows and moves further into the room, stops mere inches away from Jared and tugs on the hem of his own shirt. Groans when his hands are knocked away.

“Let me, Jen. Let me.”

Jensen drops his hands and lets Jared pull the fabric up slowly, stopping half way up to run a hand over his stomach as he lowers some, presses open mouth kisses up Jensen’s torso as he continues pushing his shirt up. “Jay…”

“So perfect, Jen,” Jared whispers, the words hot against his skin as he continues licking and kissing, before finally pulling Jensen’s shirt the rest of the way off and tosses it to the floor without a second glance. “Wanna take care of you, Jen. Can I?”

Jensen shudders as he leans up, brushes his lips against Jared’s, mind whirling. A dozen scenarios playing out in his head, things from a different time, a different place and then finally, fucking finally, nodding his head. “Yeah, Jay.”

There’s no other person in the world Jensen would have take care of him than Jared.

Jared makes a little pleased sound as he leads Jensen towards the bed, pushes him down gently until he’s sitting on the edge. “Want you. So much.” He seals their lips together, nips and nibbles his way into Jensen’s mouth, tongues clashing together as they kiss messily. He slides his hands down Jensen’s body, grips at his hips before moving to the front and pops open the button of Jensen’s jeans.  “Can’t wait to have you in my mouth, Jen.”

Jared’s mouth and the words spilling out of it are driving Jensen crazy, have his hips bucking up against the slightest touch of Jared’s hands as he slides the zipper of his jeans down. He’s… fuck. He can’t really think right now, or even begin to process how much of big deal this is. Not just having Jared here with him, but having him like this, letting him lead, and take, and give some more. It’s fucking incredible and it’s not enough, not even when Jared taps his hips and gestures for him to lift up.

Jeans discarded, Jared runs his fingers along the insides of Jensen’s thighs and he whimpers. Each scrap of Jared’s nails going straight to his cock. “Please…”

Jared sits back on his knees, eyes locking with Jensen’s. “What do you want, Jen?”

Jensen groans, head dropping back as his breathing quickens. “You know what I want,” he mutters and can all but feel Jared’s smirk.

“Want to hear it.”

“Your mouth, Jay. I want it on me. Now.”

“There’s the bossy Jensen I know,” he teases, hands slowly creeping up Jensen’s thighs, gripping tightly as he leans forward, purses his lips and blows. The sensation nearly sends Jensen right off the bed, the only thing keeping him there are Jared’s hands.

Jensen whimpers and feels himself colour.

“So damn pretty,” Jared comments. He gives Jensen one last look before swooping down and swallowing Jensen whole.

“Shit.”

Jensen latches on to the back of Jared’s head, leading the first couple bobs of his head until Jared gives a frustrated huff and pushes his hands away. He lets out a whine of protest, moves his hands to grip at the sheets. Tightens his grip when Jared swirls his tongue around his head.

This is far from the first time that Jared’s done this, but right now, he knows without a doubt that this is the best it’s ever been. Slow, finessed movements and flicks, the right amount of teeth and Jensen’s so goddamn close to the edge already.

“Jay,” he pants, hand coming up to rest on Jared’s shoulder. “Jay, c’mon man. If you don’t stop….”

Jared hums and it rocks through Jensen, leaves him gasping as he falls back against the bed, suddenly no longer capable of holding himself up right. Jared doesn’t let up though, despite his earlier warning. Continues to wind Jensen up until he’s about ready to explode, falling back only when Jensen’s mindless blabber reaches an all-time high.  And then he pulls off, lips spit shined and chin glistening. Jensen watches as he wipes his mouth with the back of his head before climbing onto of Jensen, straddles him.

“Jesus Christ, Jared.”

Saying nothing, Jared presses his mouth to the hollow of his neck, laps at the sweat that’s already pooling there. Moans, long and appreciative as the taste of Jensen engulfs him, loves that he’ll never get enough of it. Skin heated and already slick, Jared slides down a little lower, careful off the edge of the bed and takes one of Jensen’s already peaked nipples into his mouth, bites down not so gently, making Jensen lurch up, a cry escaping his lips.

“Shit.”

“Love it, don’t you, Jen?”

“Yes,” Jensen breathes, the hands on Jared’s hips tightening. “Let’s make use of this big bed, huh? No sense in you almost falling off.”

“Good point,” Jared mumbles as he climbs off of Jensen, eyes never leaving him as he arranges himself more comfortably in the middle of the bed. He wastes no time climbing back on top of him, the feel of their cocks bumping together making them both hiss. “Fuck.”

“Jay,” Jensen murmurs, “do something.”

“Got you,” Jared replies, already scooting lower to continue his assault on Jensen’s nipples. He relishes in the way Jensen arches into his mouth, squirming underneath him, mindless little pleas falling from his lips. Pleased that he knows for a fact that Jensen isn’t even aware he’s making these noises, knows that if he did, he would be a lot grumpier about it.

Jared smiles as he lets go of Jensen’s nipple and slides lower, mouth trailing a wet trail down Jensen’s chest, stomach, stopping when he reaches Jensen’s cock. “Spread your legs,” he instructs, voice thick, husky and for a minute he doesn’t register that the voice belongs to him.

Jensen opens his legs, making room for Jared to arrange himself in between them, hand already reaching down to cup Jensen’s sac. Kneads it teasingly before tightening his grip, never taking his eyes off of Jensen. Watches as the waves of pleasure wash over him, revels in the way his eyes continue to flutter open and closed and the way he continues to chew the shit out of already pink swollen lips.

He’s loving every minute of this, the sounds, the way Jensen can’t quite stay still, to the point where it’s almost overwhelming. He’s never seen Jensen like this, so open and trusting. So far from the man who likes to dictate every move when they’re together, who enjoys having the upper hand and gets off on being on the giving end, instead of the receiving. So to witness Jensen falling apart like this… it’s special. And only for him.

Its right then, eyes tracking the flush of Jensen’s skin and the roll of his hips, that Jared decides that he needs to press his luck a little. See how far Jensen will let him go, before he’s tightening the reigns. He wants to push, as he’s been pushed, wants Jensen to ache, to beg, like he so often does.

Lowering down onto his stomach, he runs his tongue down Jensen’s shaft, down his heavy sac and pauses only to gather his nerve, before trailing his tongue lower. Jensen stiffens, whole body going tense with it and Jared rubs the outside of his thighs soothingly.

“Relax, Jen, baby. Just want to taste you okay?” He circles his tongue around Jensen’s hole, testing, teasing, waiting for Jensen to say no, but he doesn’t. “Want me to stop?”

Jensen doesn’t, not really, it’s just that it’s been a long time since he’s let anyone do this – doesn’t even know how far he wants to let Jared take this. He shakes his head anyways, says, “No….but don’t…”

Even with the rest of the words unspoken, Jared knows. “I won’t.”

Reaching for a pillow, Jared props Jensen up a little before spreading him open. Gives himself much better access to where he wants to be. “Love this,” he whispers, tongue lapping at Jensen. “Love you.”

When Jensen relaxes, his response is almost immediate. A slow rock of his hips as he holds back a little, but Jared’s talented tongue quickly changes that until he’s pressing back against Jared’s face, needing more but not quite ready for it. So instead he takes everything that Jared’s giving, the swirl and suck of his mouth that feels like fire, but feels so fucking good. Better than Jensen had ever expected.

And when Jared finally eases away, leaving him soaked and so fucking turned on, he groans in protest and closes his legs in an attempt to get Jared to stay put.

Jared chuckles and wiggles his way out. “I want you inside me, Jen.”

“Yeah,” Jensen swallows, totally on board with that.  He pulls Jared down until he’s flush against his chest, and easily licks his way into Jared’s mouth, tasting himself on Jared’s tongue. “Jesus, Jay.”

Jared circles his hips, cock brushing against Jensen’s with each movement and he knows the minute he starts it up that he if keeps it up, they’re both not going to last long. He grabs one of Jensen’s hands, scouts up a little higher as his legs fall on either side of Jensen and places his hand exactly where he needs it to be. Fingers grazing tight muscle, clenching and unclenching with the sheer need of having Jensen there, inside of him, splitting him up, taking whatever the fuck he wants.

Jensen flips them over, leaves Jared stunned as he lies there, watching as Jensen reaches over and digs into the nightstand drawer for lube. He fumbles with the bottle as he slicks his fingers up, hand already working his way down between the mounds of Jared’s ass. Fingers circling, and brushing over the furled muscle.

“Jen, please.”

Long past the mood to draw this out, tease until Jared’s a goddamn mess underneath him, Jensen gives a curt nod of his head and easily slips in a finger. It doesn’t take long for Jared to loosen up and welcome a second finger, and it takes even less for the third and Jensen can’t look away, eyes locked onto the fingers that are moving in and out of Jared, scissoring and stretching. He moans, contemplates adding another finger before Jared’s lifting up off the bed, the please, fuck me, Jensen’s definitely not escaping him.

He withdraws his fingers carefully, smirks when Jared whines. “Patience,” he mumbles as he places the condom wrapper between his teeth, rips it open.

“Jen?”

Jensen looks up, head of his cock just barely covered by the latex.

“Don’t.”

He frowns, confused and it’s the blush that stains Jared’s cheeks that his realization dawning on him. “I… fuck, Jared. We can’t.” But God, he wants to, really fucking wants to. “Not right now.”

Jared huffs in frustration but he gets it. “Soon?” he asks.

“Definitely,” Jensen replies as he rolls the condom the rest of the way down, and moves to capture Jared’s lips. “Can’t fucking wait for it, Jay.”

Rolling Jared onto his side, Jensen lines himself up and slowly pushes into Jared. Takes his time in letting Jared adjust, before pressing himself flush against Jared’s back, arm wrapping around Jared’s middle and splaying his hand out across Jared’s chest.

After that, they move together perfectly. Each thrust, each movement drawn out as they take their time. The unspoken agreement to draw this out communicated in touches and hitches of breath. It’s intense, more than it’s ever been before, and Jensen lets his forehead drop against Jared’s overheated skin and inhales deeply, wanting – no, needing – Jared all around him.

“Jensen,” Jared whispers, voice wrecked as he pushes back against Jensen. “So… close.”

“Got you, Jay.” And he does, he always will fucking will. Having Jared like this, or any way, for that matter, is something he plans on never taking for granted. He wants to take care of him, cherish him, love him in all the ways that a person can, because he deserves that and so much more. He’d give Jared the damn world, if he could, which is so goddamn cheesy but he’s a writer, so cut him some damn slack.

Sliding his hand down Jared’s chest, he wraps it around Jared’s cock, moans at the hardness of it as he slowly begins to stroke him. Keeping the movement of his hand in perfect time with his hips, it’s not much longer before Jared is tensing against him, body shuddering as he comes, covering Jensen’s hand it hot ropes of white.

Jensen groans, teeth biting down hard on his bottom lip, as Jared rides wave after wave of sensation, body clenching down, hard, around Jensen.

It doesn’t take him long to follow after Jared, not when Jared’s body is squirming against him. And when he does, his orgasm hits him hard, has him crying out as he latches his mouth to Jared’s shoulder, bites down harder than he probably should. Jared’s not complaining though, not with the way his cries are echoing his own.

He stays like that for a long time, buried inside of Jared and panting against him. Doesn’t think he would be able to move even if he wanted to. “Holy shit.”

Jared hums his agreement as he brings Jensen’s come covered hand up to his mouth, licks it clean before pressing a kiss to the back of it.

Jensen grunts as his cock gives a pitiful twitch. He’s young yes, but there is still no way he’s getting it up again that soon. “You’re gonna kill me, Jay.”

“Then you’ll die happy,” Jared tells him, yawning slightly as he rolls over to face Jensen. Stares for a long time before leaning in and kissing Jensen, slowly, with the promise of more later. “I love you.”

“You too, Jay,” he whispers, arm already draping around Jared’s waist and tugging him closer. It’s here, wrapped up in Jared’s arms, that Jensen knows, without a doubt, that he’s found what he’s been missing.

“Will you sing to me, Jen?” Jared asks sleepily, burrowing into Jensen.

“What do you want me to sing?”

“The song you were singing that day with Chris and Steve, after I came back from mama’s.”

“Yeah, I can do that,” he murmurs. Pushing thehair out of Jared’s face, he starts singing:

_“The night we met I knew I needed you so….”_

 

 


	11. Epilogue

It’s become a habit for Jared to wake up before Jensen most mornings and usually he’ll use to the time to just look. Recommit everything he’s already taken stock of to memory and then do it all over again. And again, just because he can. This morning however, Jensen is already out of bed and Jared rolls over, tempted to bury himself back into sleep, because maybe, just maybe, he’ll be able to pretend that Jensen isn’t leaving for a week in a couple of hours.

What? He’s young and in love and has so far spent every day this summer with Jensen, so being without him, for however short a time, is going to be different. He doesn’t necessarily like this kind of different either. God, he’s pathetic.

Rolling over, he untangles himself from the sheets and climbs out of bed, scooping up his boxers and slipping them on as he makes his way towards the kitchen. He finds Jensen exactly where he knew he would be, gulping down coffee like it’s a life force while sitting on the counter. The fact that there are chairs barely three feet away from him makes Jared shake his head.

“Morning,” he says as he moves into the v of Jensen’s legs, hands wrapping around the cup and setting it down. Jensen makes a sound of protest, already making grabby hands for it. He slides it out of reach. “You want that back?”

“Yes,” Jensen grumps. “Haven’t had nearly enough, Jay.” To prove his point, he stretches his arms above his head and yawns loudly. “See?”

“Should kiss me first,” Jared murmurs, smirking.

Jensen wraps his arms around Jared’s shoulders, hums in consideration. “I don’t know, Jay. Did you brush your teeth?”

“Like that’s stopped you before,” Jared counters. “But if you don’t want to, I guess I can just drink your coffee for you.” He moves to slide out of Jensen’s legs, but is held back when Jensen wraps them around his waist.

“Oh no, you don’t,” Jensen tells him, head ducking some to brush his lips against Jared’s. It’s light, playful and he melts into it, wishing he could take it deeper and then deeper still. But as it is, he has a flight to catch soon. Hands falling to Jared’s cheeks, he gives Jared one last kiss before pulling away, taking Jared’s bottom lip with him. “Ugh, I’m going to miss that.”

“Me too,” Jared sighs.

“Spending the last couple of days in bed has spoiled us,” Jensen mumbles, forehead dropping against Jared’s. “Now give me my damn coffee, Jay. I am going to need plenty more where that came from to survive this week.”

Jared rolls his eyes, hands Jensen’s coffee back to him and heads towards the fridge. “Guess I should go get dressed huh?” He grabs a bottle of water, uncaps it.

“You driving me to the airport, Jay? Like a good little wife?”

“Ha, ha,” Jared mutters. “Keep talking to me like that and I might just have to replace you.”

Jensen growls. “You wouldn’t.”

Jared shrugs, turning to lean against the fridge, bottle of water hanging from his fingers. “Try me, Ackles.”

Jensen hops off the counter and crowds into Jared’s space, caging him in with his hands on either side of Jared’s head. “Want me to mark you up like property, Jay?” He moves one hand, fingers dancing over Jared’s neck and collarbone, smirks. “Oh wait, I think I already did.”

Jared shivers, body already reacting to the low pitch of Jensen’s voice and memories of the last couple days, spent mostly in bed, where they reacquainted themselves with each other, not just physically, but emotionally as well. Jensen opening up to him more, letting Jared in on the little pieces of his life that Jared never knew about. There’s still so much more to learn, but it’s a start, and Jared’s soaking it all up.

Jensen moves in closer, tongue flicking out to tease the lobe of his ear. “You drive me crazy, Padalecki.”

Jared make a noise, hips lifting off of the fridge to press into Jensen. “Ditto, Ackles.”

Jensen chuckles softly, lips sealing over Jared’s quickly before pushing away. “I really, really don’t have time for this.”

Jared sighs. “I know. I’ll… go get dressed, I guess.”

“Hey, Jared?”

“Yeah?”

“There’s no time for that, either,” Jensen says, gesturing down to the bulge in Jared’s boxers.

“You suck.”

Jensen shrugs, mouth opening to say something when the sound of his cell phone ringing cuts him off. He fishes it out of his pocket and points towards the bedroom. “Dressed, now,” he tells Jared before connecting the call.

“Hi, Josh.”

Jared hangs back for a second, watching as Jensen turns away from him to answer the call. Wonders for a half a second who it is, before hearing the name and smiles, small and knowing and heads for Jensen’s bedroom. He’s not exactly nosey, as he is hungry for whatever piece of Jensen that he can get. And Josh, he’s heard plenty about him. Knows that Jensen is telling Josh just as much about him in return and he’s surprised at how much that makes him happy.

Like he’s said; it’s a start and, really, that’s all he can ask for.

Dressing quickly, he throws on a pair of jeans and a loose fitting t-shirt and throws his hair up into a messy bun, frowning at the tangles as he does so. He brushes his teeth quickly, before heading back towards the kitchen.

“He’s it for me, Josh.”

Jared stops, and leans against the wall, perfectly aware of the fact that he’s eaves dropping now, but can’t quit make himself care.

“Yes, you’ll meet him,” Jensen says, the exasperation in his voice making Jared smile. “I don’t know, when do you want to meet him?” Silence. “Sure, whatever. Listen I have to go. I’ll see you tonight?”

Jensen hangs up, slips his phone back into his back pocket and turns. “You ready?” he asks when he spots Jared.

“Whenever you are,” Jared grins.  “Your bag already in the car?”

Jensen nods. “Yeah.”

“So I’m it for you?”

Jensen groans as he walks past Jared towards the front door. “You heard that, huh?”

“Maybe.”

“Well, then you maybe might be it for me,” Jensen tells him, sliding into the passenger side of his own car. “Now please don’t fucking kill me, okay?”

Jared rolls his eyes. “My driving skills are epic, Jensen.”

They lapse into silence after that, Jensen humming softly to whatever song is playing on the radio, fingers drumming against his leg. He’s looking forward to seeing Danneel again, his brother, looking forward to hearing about all the things he’s missed since he moved out to Texas. But, glancing over at Jared, he’s definitely not looking forward to being away from Jared and wonders why he never thought to bring him along. Figures he still probably could, if he wanted to. Only hitch to that plan, though, is that Jared still has to get his school stuff sorted, spent too much of his summer letting Jensen distract him.

He smirks at that, the fingers drumming against his knee slowing as they pull into the airport. He shifts, shoulders suddenly heavy, because now he’s definitely leaving. For a week, he chastises himself, not like he’s going to be gone for months at a time. Jared will be here, waiting for him when he gets back and that’s going to have to be enough to get him through this next week. Well, that and…

Jared pulls into one of the available parking spaces, a little ways from the entrance, cuts the engine. “Shit,” he breathes.

“I know,” Jensen admits as he undoes his seatbelt and shifts to look at Jared. “Move in with me, Jay.”

Jared stills, eyes going wide, as he stares at Jensen. Stays quiet for so long, that Jensen’s almost sure he’s going to have to repeat himself, that or run for the hills, or something equally as dramatic. “What?”

“Move in with me,” he repeats. “I want to know that I’m coming home to you.”

“But you are coming home to me, Jen,” Jared murmurs, rolling his lips through his teeth.

“True,” Jensen says, not quite ready to let this go. “But I want to know that, when I come home, you’re going to stay. I want to see your stuff mixed in with my stuff and I want to go to bed with you, wake up next to you.” He pauses, runs a hand through his hair. “I know this is probably crazy soon, but like I said earlier, Jay. You’re it for me. So what do you say, will you move in with me?”

Jared doesn’t think about it, doesn’t have to. “Yes,” he says and then again, “Yes, I will move in with you.”

“Oh, thank fuck,” Jensen breathes as he stretches across the console and presses his lips to Jared’s. Licks and nips, until Jared’s gripping at his shirt, pulling him closer in an attempt to climb right into him.

He’s chuckling when he pulls back, leaves a hand on Jared’s chest when he tries to follow. “I really got a plane to catch, babe.”

Jared sighs, easing back a little, face flushed and lips pink. “Fine,” he grumbles. “And babe?”

“What? You don’t like it?” Jensen asks sheepishly.

“Nah,” Jared smirks. “I like it, baby.”

Jensen rolls his eyes as he grabs his bag from the backseat and climbs out of the SUV. “I’ll call you later, okay?”

“You fucking better.”

Jensen blows him a kiss and then he’s off, making his way up the lot and disappearing as the doors close behind him. Jared sits back, rests his hands on the steering wheel. “Holy shit.”

He’s moving in with Jensen. He’s fucking moving in with Jensen. And Chad’s not even around to help him. Staring the SUV, he shifts it into gear and points in the direction of home.

A home that he’ll share with Jensen.

Holy shit.


End file.
